new member (* children...not my own...and other women's pregnancy mentioned)

katbb

Hello, I signed up here  on the bump when i first started ttc  a while ago and haven't been back.  We have been ttc for 21 months now.  I had my first major breakdown today.  My dad passed away on new years, one of my best friends just had her baby on Saturday,  my other two good friends both have daughters that are about 5 months old, and to top it off...my coworker that got married the same week I did in 2014 announced that she is pregnant.   I got af today at work.   I'm a preschool teacher, and it suddenly hit me that I was there taking care of and living everyone one else's child but i can't have my own.  I made a comment to my co-teacher that I didn't want to be there, she said "what"....and then came the sobbing tears....it was months and months worth of tears coming and I couldn't stop. Of course she doesn't understand. ..she planned her pregnancies to happen on certain months so that they shared birthday months with each parent.   Her daughter shares her birthday month and her son shared her husband's.   She tried for one month for the first and two months for number 2.  My husband has low morphology....at only 2%. That is our issue.   I had an hsg and everything looked ok.  I will be going in this Monday for day three testing, and my husband needs to go in for a second sa before my insurance will send us to shady grove fertility center. ....I am here because I have decided today to delete my Facebook account because it's starting to be torture to log on and see a different pregnancy announcement daily and baby updates. ..but i feel like I need to talk to someone. ..people who understand.  So here I am....

ReesaAnne16

I'm sorry you have been on a long journey. None of us expected to be months and even years into this process and watch our friends get pregnant and have their babies while we're all still waiting. It's so frustrating, sad, and unfair all at once.
I hope you are able to see a RE soon, and get some answers or possible treatment options. I think taking a break from facebook is a good idea; whatever you need to protect your heart.

katbb

Thank you! I'm so sorry that you unfortunately understand, but glad I have a place I can come to.  I was using the glow fertility app, and it felt like the app was very anti- infertility.   Any topics complaining about the woes of infertility always seemed to be attacked with the same " your infertility has nothing to do with her uterus" quote.  There was also the "why are infertile women so bitter? " topics every so often.  So I decided to leave glow too.

wifeinraleigh28

Welcome @katbb!  I'm glad you found us.  My husband and I also struggle with a MFI issue, which has been quite a journey for us in terms of figuring out the right treatment.

I also stopped going on FB for the same reason as you.  I couldn't handle constant pregnancy announcements and baby photos all over my news feed.  My heart would ache each time.  And why are pregnancy announcements always the FIRST thing that pops up?!  I had a major break down and haven't logged back on since mid December.  And I feel a lot better.  I'm sorry your TTC journey has been difficult. There are a lot of women on this forum who understand!  As for apps, I like to use fertility friend (as a lot of the women here do) which is VERY infertility friendly!  It's already programmed for you to enter in your IF treatments (meds, IUI, IVF, etc).  I highly recommend it!

DinosaurJumper

You've had hard journey, and I hope you can find the solace here that you need   Good luck with your appts. I feel that infertility and mc are not talked about openly very much. The topics make people uncomfortable and they don't really know how to respond so they would rather not talk about it. In the short time that I have been here I have found so much comfort in these forums. I wasn't sure if I would, but seeing that I wasn't alone helped.

BreeToll

So sorry that you're having to go through such a hard journey on your way to growing your family, OP. In the short time I've been on this board in particular I've felt such support from the other ladies. You've definitely come to the right place. I hope these next months with bring you some answers and hopefully some solutions with them. 

Plainjanie

Welcome! TTTC can really take a toll on you. I struggle with my emotions around it on nearly a daily basis. I don't find that it gets easier but you do learn new coping methods and how to self sooth and do a lot of self care along the way.

I hope you can move quickly into the fertility treatment center and your stay here is short.

katbb

You all are so sweet! Thank you all for the warm welcome.   I'm very sorry we have all found ourselves here.  

AnnaP9713

@katbb Welcome, I hope your stay here is short as well. I can't tell you how refreshing it is to hear someone be so real and open about the daily struggles of what we all go through. I sometimes feel guilty for the feelings I have on a daily basis such as (when I see a baby announcement, or a sonogram picture, or someone tells me they are expecting...). We are all in the same boat though. I have been so tempted to delete Facebook as well because every time I see things like that it can make the feelings come back full force. At the same time, I feel like maybe if I keep subjecting myself to it all it will get easier eventually. Don't feel like you have to defend or hide your feelings though, not everyone will understand and that is okay. It is normal to just let yourself feel whatever it is you have to feel in that moment, but don't let it get you down.  

@Plainjanie is 100% right. After two years I am finally learning how to self-soothe, & take care of myself more than ever. Whether its taking 15 mins. to meditate every morning or night, going to acupuncture, taking a yoga class, reading a good book, it feels good to really love yourself and take care of yourself. Everyone should make sure to take the time to do those things. 

Someone told me recently that life toughest soldiers are put in the toughest battles. I keep telling myself that there is a better plan for us and we have to trust it. It has taken me AWHILE to get to this point, and I still have my good and bad days but I hope these words give you hope and encouragement! Best of luck to you on this journey!

ahende04

Hello there @katbb I am hoping your stay is short and although I am a few days late posting on this I wanted you to know I can totally relate. I take care of other people's children every day, struggle in working in a field with 90% women 75% of them are of child bearing age and I also got married in 2014. My husband and I have been trying for 16 months and I get so worked up at the most random of times. I hope you find support and kindness here like so any of us have.

lablover78

I also deleted fb from my phone and haven't gone on in months. I feel much better!!