New and Looking For Support

MarlyHC

Hi...

We have been TTC for just about 20 months now with all BFN results. I am now 32 and I had been on BCPS for more than a decade and stopped taking them about a month before we really started TTC. There were some months where we weren't really where we were supposed to be in terms of hitting the timing mark, but after more than 12 months we got a referral to get DH tested. We were informed that he has "borderline" male IF. After that I had several tests done and everything seems to be where it should be on my end.

We just did our second IUI with Clomid yesterday, 1/11/16. RE said it looked like there "might be" two follicles when we did the ultrasound on Friday, we were set for IUI Tuesday, but I had O w/o HCG trigger on Sunday 1/11/16. The first IUI was a BFN (on Christmas Day, I should just have waited for the day after) and DH was very disappointed, even though statistically the success rate for IUI doesn't seem great. Disappointed to the point where it felt like I had no outlet for my own feelings of disappointment because I had to be positive for the "team". On the first round RE said the sperm count was 22M, but I'm not sure if that was post wash or pre-wash. This time he said that the count was 6.5M post-wash.

I remember being really excited to start TTC, and we had jazzy positive thoughts going in, but now I feel like we will never get a BFP. But I feel like I can't express this feeling to DH because it would discourage him more than I can bear. Looking for support / thoughts / outlet here.

AandDM2014

I think you've found the right place! Many of us have been TTC for a long time and know how frustrating it is. I too was really excited to start TTC, but now I'm just so over it. I also feel like we'll never get a BFP that sticks and my DH is ever the optimist, saying we'll do IVF however many times it takes to get a baby. I don't share his optimism! I think that TTC can be tough on a guy when his side of it is the problem. I know for me, I am the problem, so it is much harder on me than my DH. I've found that the ladies (and few gentleman) on this board are awesome, supportive and loving.

Nina7236

Welcome! Sorry you have to be here.. But there is a lot of support from this community! I totally understand your fear of it never working, I worry about the same!! Good luck in your journey! We will get there!!

brandiwiggins91

I'm new, too! I haven't been actively trying as long as you, but I have PCOS and knew the infertility was going to be an issue before we ever started trying. I will definitely keep you in my thoughts. I don't know much about Clomid or IUI, but I know there are a lot of ladies on here who have had those experiences!

MarlyHC

It's super frustrating and it takes all the fun out of sex!

AandDM2014

At least with IUI your DH has to be at the clinic the same day you are! With IVF/FET your DH does his job once and technically doesn't have to be with you when you transfer. Oh yeah, and at my clinic they say no sex at all the day before until after a positive beta! Talk about taking the fun out of sex!

Tulips29

Welcome! I know exactly how you feel. I also feel like it's never going to happen. I've been through 3 IUIs now with all BFNs and I feel like seeing those 2 lines on the HPT is just not even possible. Just hang in there. This place is filled with lots of support and I constantly learn new things when I'm reading posts on here. Reading other success stories makes me hopeful, so don't give up and things will happen for you. GL! 

wifeinraleigh28

Welcome @MarlyHC!  You've come to a good place.  My husband and I are also dealing with MFI issues, and everything seems to be fine on my end.  You and your husband are a team though, and fertility is a joint thing.  I think most couples would say that they share in the disappointment and grief, no matter who has the infertility diagnosis.  I think it's so important to never place blame on anyone when it comes to fertility, because what our bodies choose to do is out of our control.  I'm just thankful that we are both healthy otherwise, and we're doing the best that we can.

Our sperm count seems to be pretty similar to yours (at our IUI we had 7 million post wash), and rather than continue with IUIs and having less than a 10% chance of success with those numbers, we decided to take our RE's referral to a urologist who specializes in male infertility.  My DH also suffers from low T and the urologist said that the supplement he was taking to increase T (androgel) is likely causing low sperm count.  So he took DH off androgel and prescribed him clomid instead to increase T.  We're hoping this will help, but we won't find out until 1/28 when he gets another SA.

Did your RE recommend that you meet with a urologist?

LizzieJ13

Welcome @MarlyHC! Best of luck to you.

MarlyHC

wifeinraleigh28 our RE has not made any other recommendations yet.

We did a lot of testing...and found out I had lost immunity to Rubella. So I got re-vaccinated and since it's a live vaccine had to wait 1-month before trying again. He also recommended a supplement for DH, which I suspect accounts for some of the difference between IUI #1 count and IUI #2 count because he has fallen off taken them on a regular basis.

I am shocked at the grief I felt. I was so hopeful, and that first BFN after IUI #1 was so emotional. Even more than any of the other months of trying and BFN.

I'm also just not sure if continuing with IUI makes sense or if there are other options to boost his count before we go to IVF, which I'm not sure if we can really afford (we are paying out of pocket).

wendyp28

Welcome to the board. I'm new too. Ive heard of men taking clomid to boost their count. Has that been mentioned? Is he seeing a urologist? I can relate to the devastating BFNs, It seems like since I was diagnosed and started treatment I'm like OK we know the problem we fixed I should definitely get pregnant and then I'm not, and its awful. Not mention the money it feels like we are throwing in a fire...My fingers are crossed for you and I hope this is your month.

smdrodgers

Welcome! Sorry you have to be here.  I think the BFN after the IUI is much harder, since we are all expecting it to work (my nurse called me a few hours before the end of the day, I had to leave early, I couldn't stop crying at my desk...)  Hopefully this cycle is your cycle!

At the beginning I've heard it is fun (DH has azoospermia, so, BDing is just for fun) but it definitely becomes more and more stressful.  As long as you both are doing what you can to help the situation, I think you should express these feelings with him.  Like @wifeinraleigh28 said, it's both of you in it together, it wouldn't be fair to just dump on him, but you should both be able to talk about what's going on in a way that isn't pointing fingers at each other.

MarlyHC

we do talk about it, and DH is supportive. It's just hard because I feel like when he feels that it will never happen, at least one of us has to keep their chin up so we don't totally implode. If that makes sense.

mrsstarski86

Welcome! I'm new to all of this too, with severe MFI (no sperm in any samples) and wanted to wish you luck! In terms of keeping "our chins up" I think we take turns to be honest lol. Some days I'm a wallowing mess of self pity and other days it's him. We try to balance each other so if he's having a hard time after some doctor appointment/news, I try to be the cheerleader. The next day once he calms down I bring out my concerns. It can all be overwhelming for sure. Good luck! 

MarlyHC

@mrsstarski86 I know the feeling. DH props me up all the time. It's just so hard when we are both so down and disappointed at the same time.

caitiemae

Welcome and sorry you've ended up having to come here! I really hope you have a successful IUI, but if you do have the unfortunate luck of having to switch to IVF one day, success rates are pretty decent with MFI as a diagnosis. My husband also has azoospermia and even w his surgically retrieved samples, we had great fertilization rates IVF and ICSI

laurenlalap

Hello and welcome. I think you'll quickly learn how wonderful this place is.

MarlyHC

thanks @laurenlalap. It's great to have a place where people actually understand. I think one of the hardest parts has been all the ladies in my life that have had no problems, and they really don't get why we can't just get pregnant. 

Sapreenamaree

@MarlyHC I totally understand. It seems as though ALL of the women in my life are fertile myrtle! My mother had 3 children with no problems, and my sister got pregnant with my nephew literally, on her wedding night. When I was in high school, it seemed pregnancy was contagious (small town living), and had I known then what I know now, I probably wouldn't have been as worried about getting pregnant "before I was ready". It's hard, and I'm new here, but already feel a huge relief to have access to these boards. To be surrounded by so many other people going exactly thru what you are, is really helpful. Especially when it seems as though you can't get that understanding at home. Welcome! You will like it here...

oxinfree

@MarlyHC - your story is similar to mine in that all our tests keep coming back "normal" with the only outlier being MF low morphology. So we skipped IUI and went straight to IVF. Two rounds of IVF all negative (never once had a positive) and we're just gearing up for IVFs 3 and if needed 4. (1 fresh, 1 frozen). You'll definitely find some great support here. Wishing you the best of luck. Welcome. 

Angelic789

Hello,Marly! So sorry to hear all this. I know how it feels to be at a little bit of loss.
But this is temporary state only. As we have to stay strong whatever happens on our path.
I've also heard IUI rates are not very high but I suppose it to be so due to individual reasons each couple has. If this treatment is ineffective a good expert doesn't suggest it. Exapt the cases one wants to loom your money..
Welcome to this board! It's really a nice place to be in. You're just sure to share your feelings and expectations without fear of being insulted - this makes good.
People here are in the same boat with you, so they're understanding and supporting enough to bring you at ease. This is so important sometimes..
Briefly about myself. 6 years ago faced 2 miscarriages in a row. Was diagnosed on endometriosis and PCOS. Had unsuccessful surgery - left ovary scarring. Cycles of DE in biotexcom fertility center - am 25 weeks pregnant.
Wish you all the best and feel free to ask everything you're interested in. Strong hugs for you xx

stranzm

@MarlyHC - I think you've come to the right place for people to understand your feelings.  Its unfortunate for you to have to join this club, but its awesome that such a support network exists.  I regularly say this now, going through the process of TTC and evaluations of why it isn't happening is a LONELY process.  It doesn't matter if you have an awesome husband/partner, it just feels lonely.  For me, my shift changed when I was in my first round of IVF.  My husband gave me all of the shots, and we really felt like partners through the process.  I'm super fortunate we were successful in our first round.  That isn't always the case.  Please make sure you continue in this community, because it was a tremendous support network for me the first cycle.

kaityh1

Welcome! I'm new here too and it was such a great decision to start posting!  It is so nice to have a place to vent to other who truly understand.  Best of luck to you!

S&H&C

I'm new here too. We are in a similar situation. Though my tests look good, aside from one blocked tube, my husband is 100% infertile (due to childhood cancer treatments). We have had 5 unsuccessful natural (unmedicated) IUI attempts and I am now considering Clomid for my next round. 

My husband I and seem to trade off being the disappointed one. Maybe when he's feeling better you can let him know how your feeling? You shouldn't bottle it all up though I bet he appreciates your positivity when he's having a hard time.

I don't know how helpful my response is but I just wanted to thank you for posting. I haven't been able to find many posts from women who only have been dealing with MFI and not PCOS or another complicating factor (no offense to those ladies who have those conditions!). I feel very alone in my own situation/frustration and I thank you for sharing your story.

stranzm

@S&H&C - My process is also due to MFI.  It is a bit frustrating when people assume it is always the woman.  Not that there is anyone to "blame" when you are in a partnership, but I dislike the assumptions people make.  Best of luck in your next attempt!