Intro: Stillbirth at 21 weeks

MrsBroughton15

Hi everyone,

I'm Brigette. About 3 weeks ago, my water broke and my son Amar was stillborn at 21+3. This is our first child together, & he was conceived on our honeymoon.   I just don't know how to deal with it...some days I'm okay, others I'm a complete wreck. My family has been amazingly supportive of my husband and me through this, but I find that when I have too much alone time I just break down. I can't understand WHY this happened to me, ya know? My doctor suspects an incompetent cervix.  I've been trying to keep busy...working, working out, whatever I can do to take my mind off of missing my son. We'll be starting counseling soon as well. Does anyone have any other advice on how to cope? I'm truly at a loss. 

evalynn24

I am still wading through the grief of my loss so I don't have any good advice, but I just wanted to say I'm sorry and I'll pray for you and your family.

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Xath

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I'm so sorry to have to welcome you to this board. It's a terrible club to join, but I hope you find some comfort here.

fiorip

First of all I'm a terribly sorry for your lost, I was 21.6 just a few hours short of 22 weeks when I delivered my son prematurely, although he was born alive and his heart was beating strongly, he just wasn't able to survive. I can without a doubt tell you it's the hardest thing I've ever been through. Every single past struggle, sadness, anger, anything I've ever been through ever, does not compare to this. I went through a very painful labor, without drugs but the worst pain is that I left the hospital empty handed.

I share my story because when it happened I received an outpouring of support and knowing I wasn't the only one helped me a lot, it helped because I thought if others have been through this and learned to live through the pain, I will too.

Somedays you'll feel better, others you won't be able to stop crying but you will learn to live with the pain. I promise you will.

msunshine123

I am so sorry for the loss of your son Amar. Your feelings are normal - when your alone you have more time to actually think versus the distractions of the day it hurts. Early morning and the end of the day were hard times for me in the beginning. I also lost my son (my 1st child) over a year ago. The experience has been a roller coaster, but you find a new normal and the pain you feel in the beginning is not as intense later. Counseling, my local hospital's perinatal bereavement group, reading blogs of others who have been through this experience, reading stories on the site StillStanding, journaling, listening to music and spending time outdoors has all helped me. There's no right or wrong way to grieve - do what helps you. Thinking of you and sending hugs your way.

MrsBroughton15

Thanks ladies. I really appreciate the support. 

MamaBish

I'm so so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby. It's truly one of the hardest things.

Therapy has helped me a lot. As well as art. I have an art journal where I just draw what I feel. I like adult coloring books. They help me to focus and zone out. If art isn't your thing, you could try writing.
I also found gardening and house plants help a lot. It gives me something to take care of.

Lovefor5inID

I am so so sorry hon, it is awful, no doubt about it. I don't think the pain is any less severe, you just learn to deal with your new normal. Find a support system, keep busy...I have found it's a quiet moments by yourself in which you really have a hard time. Let time pass, eventually will wake up and it will not hurt as much as the day before. Keep letting days go by. I hope it gets better. Keep your chin up

Kurtni

I'm really sorry.You gave your son a strong, beautiful name! I unexpectedly lost my baby at 24 weeks. I wish I could offer you some advice but I'm still trying to get through it myself. The best thing I do for myself is to find support, through my husband, family and communities like this.

alisiyan12

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my little girl Olivia at 34 weeks on December 11th, the day before my birthday. Olivia was the first child for both my Fiancee and I. I completely understand your heartbreak and though my family has been very supportive as well, I do understand how hard it can be when you have a lot of alone time. My Fiance did stay home for a week,he has since had to go back to work, and he works nights and those are the times that I just can't seem to hold it together.  Adding to that that I also have close family members one of which just had a healthy baby girl and another whom lost her baby as well a couple of days after I lost my little one.  I am also starting to look for local support groups or counseling to help with the over whelming grief.

I am just trying to make it moment by moment each day. I don't know if you are a religious person, but I will pray for you and your husband the same way that I pray for myself and my Fiancee. There is nothing and no one that can ever replace our dear sweet little babies. But I pray that we can all find some kind of peace.

MrsBroughton15

Thanks ladies, I truly appreciate all the kind words. My heart & prayers go out to you all!! It's getting easier but it still hurts. Are you guys going to try again soon? My doctor just gave us the okay, we're going for it. 

MamaBish

Best of luck @MrsBroughton15 !

*tw pregnancy mentioned**

we started ttc again 3 months after our loss. Took a few months to get a bfp but I am now 15 weeks with a rainbow and I'm terrified. It's such a roller coaster.

fx for you!

alanna3622

@MrsBroughton15 I am so glad to hear you are trying for your rainbow.  

msunshine123

Good luck! We tried after 3 cycles and became pregnant after. We welcomed our rainbow just a few days before our son's 1st birthday. 

Congrats and prayers for a safe and healthy pregnancy!  - @MamaBish