GTKY: Your "ideal" family then vs. now

PrettyPalomino

I always thought "keeping up with the Jones's" was the only legitimate way to move through life's stages. I thought you had to get a dog, get married, move to the burbs, buy a house, have TWO kids. In that order.

I also imagined my income to be double what it is now. And then doubled again for the dual income factor.

And then real life happened. I think if I had stuck it out with any of my ex-boyfriends, life would have probably gone that way. But I met the most amazing person who came from the most amazing family, and he changed my outlook on everything. 

Our assets are nothing to write home about, they're humble and look nothing like that of our friends' & families (the Jones's). I think our cash flow is double/triple theirs, and I now realize this is how you find freedom. I do ballet, kickboxing & horseback riding, SO plays hockey and football. We go out with friends and visit family every weekend. Our lives are so rich and so full.

People say "if you have more than 2 kids you can't afford to enroll them in stuff" but I think you CAN have 4 kids and be able to give them the experiences of a lifetime. It just means you have to sacrifice something else. I know I want a big family and whatever we can make happen we will in terms of enrichment.

 

 

I don't want a prodigy child, I want a happy child.

babymish

@LittleMissTimeLord I loved your story of Benjamin, I read it to SO and he found it hilarious too

I have known I wanted kids since I was a kid myself. I used to babysit my younger cousins all the time - I understand kids so much better than adults. They're awesome. I did always have an ideal that I would get married at 26 and have my first child at 28. That didn't happen as I definitely had not met the right man and then decided at 25 to join the army :S.

I definitely want at least two still and if I could afford it I would just pump them out in a continuous stream.

SLou24

I love reading these! It's so funny that so many are saying that they never wanted kids. 

I was in the same boat -- I spent most of my young adult life adamantly not wanting kids -- I was so annoyed by children, even my own nieces (yah, I was kind of a brat). However, when I was much younger, I did have this timeline in my head that I would get married by 25 and have kids by 27 -- not sure where that arbitrary timeline came from but that's what I planned IF I ever had kids. 

Then at some point, life happened. I realized when I was 25 that I was still super freaking young and I definitely wasn't ready to be married, let alone on my way to having kids (and I didn't want kids at this point anyway!). That all magically changed the day I got engaged -- I swear he popped the question and my brain immediately went "BABIES!!!" out of nowhere. I ended up getting married at 32, and am just TTC now, at 33. So I'm way past my 25/27 timeline, but this is the right time for me. Also, I've always been a 2 kid person, but if this takes a while we might be one and done... we shall see! 

0SeaMonkey0

My vision hasn't changed but my reasons have. I've always wanted two, preferably the same sex and close in age.

I used to want that just because I thought it would give them the best shot of having a good relationship and being close as adults.

Now I have a whole bunch of practical and financial reasons for stopping at two: smaller vehicle, cheaper vacations (one hotel room) etc.

One thing that hasn't changed though is wanting them close in age. Fx!!

twiddlbug

I am from a family of 6 kids, and have always had in my mind that 3 kids as my ideal. I thought I would be married by my late twenties, and start having kids by 30.

Unfortunately, I spent my twenties with one guy who just couldn't commit, so after 7 years, I broke up with him at age 30, which I should have probably done much earlier. I didn't meet DH until I was 33 and we got married at 34 then had our daughter when I was 35.

Now time is running out for my magical number 3 but we will see. DH is set on 2 but coming from my large family, 2 seems too small! We will see how it goes with TTC #2 but I am still hoping for my dream at this point. Who knows if that will change. We'll also have to see how my body holds up as I have a genetic kidney disease (PKD and PLD) which can potentially complicate pregnancy and of course my health.

I am often sad that DH and I didn't meet sooner and get started on our family sooner, but what can you do? My mom had my youngest sister at 41 plus some of my friends had their first in their 40s so I think that also makes me entertain the possibility of having a baby after 40, even though I certainly would not have planned it out that way!

Sorry, that was more long-winded than intended!

KayJDT3

I've always wanted kids, and I have always hoped for 3.  I had dreamt of having two boys, no more than two years apart and then a girl sometime after.  In reality I was unable to conceive quick enough to have 2u2 and my second was a girl. After I had my girl she got really sick and although she's well now I had decided two was enough!  I had a boy and a girl what more did I need.  As time went on (of course after getting rid of 80% of my baby stuff) my desire for a 3rd is back, we're even considering a 4th. Now my ideal would be boy/girl twins.  Before now the idea of conceiving twins was something I was terrified of but now I welcome it.

OrangeEv

It never occurred to be to have a timeline haha. I have always loved kids and have worked with them a lot (camp counselor woop!)
Whether we adopt, foster, have biological (or all of the above), we just want a full loving family. I lean towards more.

Also like a PP said (sorry I forget!), my sisters are my BEST FRIENDS.

Soooo nothing has changed. But I have enjoyed reading all of your responses!

skiingstark

When I was in high school I was going to have a house around 27and then have my one kid at 29. Only wanted one pregnancy since twins run heavy in my family and did not want more then 2 kids. I believe in man to man defense as parents not zone defense when you kids 3 or more. I believed then and still believe now if I could not afford a house then I could not afford a child. Also wanted to raise my kids in the Colorado Mountains, so they could be a ski racer. 

Well it took me longer to be able to save and afford a house, so I did not get my house till 29, now at 31 still trying for my one child. I live in Colorado but not in the mountains, so pretty close.  Mostly things have worked the way I have planned just a lot slower. (some times painflully slower)

Dilynne

Lurker alert - I'm trying to get into the community so bear with me.

When I was in the 3rd grade (2000) our teacher had us do an assignment that was where do we see ourselves in 2015. I was convinced I was going to be a gymnast with 4 kids, a mini van, 6 dogs, a goat and a stay at home husband (because I was going to be a famous gymnast, travelling the world, obviously)

Well... I have a wonderful husband, three cats, a Focus and can't even do a somersault. So... things aren't going to 8 year old me's plan. 

Raincity

When I was a kid, my ideal family was two to three kids, a big farmhouse, a ton of pets of all varieties, all in a pastoral new england setting.

With every year, I dropped one pet from my fantasy. Now, one dog will do.

I'm not sure who bankrolled this fantasy life! Ha!

As a staunch Vermonter I never thought I'd fall in love with an equally staunch Southerner, but that's what I did. Now, I'll 'settle' for whatever house, whatever pets, whatever job, whatever ANYTHING so long as I'm able to have a child and the three of us are as healthy as one could ask for. 

LRK14

As a kid I wanted a huge family. Then I wasn't sure I wanted kids. Now I want a big family again. Probably 2 to 3 kids.

DuchessJP

I thought I was one of the rare few who didn't want kids early-on until I read this thread!

Honestly, I just never thought kids was for me. I was always annoyed by them, and just simply not interested. I have always been very career-driven, so I focused on that instead. Met DH and got married two years ago, and to be honest, up until this year the thought of having children still frightened me. I wanted to be free, travel the world, and was scared having children would limit me. After much traveling and now that I am settled in a good place and happy in my career, I don't know what happened...baby fever set in!

I am in my early 30's and a bit late in the game but I don't care. In my career field and city where I was living up until recently this is very common. So funny how things change over time...