Keeping Your Cool

RoseRebel

I have two girls ages 4 and 3. My 4-year-old pushes my buttons to a point I lose my s*#!. I don't have as big of an issue with my 3 year old. And I fly off the handle to a point I scare myself. One big issue with have is her pooping her pants. She knows better. She makes sure she is out of my view or in her room during nap to poop. She will not go to the potty or alert me she needs to go. This ONLY happens at home! Never at school. It infuriates me and I can't keep my cool because this has been an on going issue. Her sister doesn't do it and she is younger. I scare myself when I react to her doing this. Just so we are clear, I do not harm her. I do get more aggressive but I've never hurt her. But, sometimes, I feel like I might. Does anyone have advice to help me from flying off the handle? Or to approach this differently? I try to step away before I react but she continues to push and push. Anyone have more issues with one child than another?

jennahkross

Sometimes I have to give myself a mommy timeout, where I go in my bedroom with the door closed until I can calm down. I have a 3 1/2 year old who can infuriate me more than anyone else! I have to go and calm myself down sometimes before I can handle situations rationally.

crsanchez87

This may be a silly question but have you tried to find out why she is pooping her pants? Children do sometimes like to push buttons and try to see how far they can push it to get a reaction out of you but i do doubt that she wants you to be so upset you feel you cant control yourself. You said she doesn't do it in any other setting but at home. Is there something in the bathroom that she doesn't like? Did she, at some point, have a negative experience in there? I can understand that she makes sure she is out of your view when she does it since she knows its going to make you upset. 

Maybe try setting a little training potty in her room? Maybe try to establish a positive experience with her going in the bathroom? I realize that she is already potty trained, but it seems like something went wrong in the process. Maybe try gently retraining? 

As far as your reaction, i agree with PP. Take a step back. Go to your room, lock the door. Store a favorite treat for yourself in your nightstand or keep an ipod in there with your favorite songs and sit for the duration of at least one song with your eyes closed, feet up. 

This probably sounds dumb but it has helped me before: write down your feelings about the situation. Read the letter to your daughter after you've calmed down. It may be helpful to both you and her. 

Good luck!

Knottie1442268460

There may be something wrong with her. Talk to her dr. Maybe s therapist for her.

faramee

I agree with the others, try to find out why she is behaving this way and remember you can do something in a moment that you will regret for a lifetime. Breathe, these are your babies and something is wrong. Change the way you see the situation.

2-Step

My DS was having accidents and it turned out it was because he was constipated and would hold it whenever he was at school or anywhere away from home and then eventually it would come out when he felt he was in a safe place at home. He knew better, but he hated taking the time to sit on the potty and not be playing so he would avoid it. Constipation then becomes a vicious cycle because eventually it actually causes them not to be able to feel that they even have to go because it stretches out the colon. His pedi explained that this is very common in kids this age and needs to be addressed. We finally fixed it with a combination of miralax daily and giving him an incentive to sit on the potty twice a day. In our case we got one of our old smartphones and loaded it up with apps he could only play while he sat on the potty. It was not a problem until he was about 4 and his younger brother never had this problem. I understand where you are coming from because I used to lose my mind sometimes when he first started doing it. I never scared myself, but I know I overreacted. I knew it was because he just didn't want to take the time to go, so my instinct was to punish him, but the pedi cautioned me that it would start a cycle of hiding pooping or feeling ashamed about it. It's hard, I know! I suggest talking to her pedi and trying some incentives to get her to sit there twice a day at appropriate times. I even set a timer so I remember to have him do it. He still fights me on it sometimes, but the smartphone has helped a lot. We are much better now and havent had an accident in months. Our pedi actually also had a talk with him and explained how it could hurt his body not to go on the potty and that actually helped to have someone other than me telling him to do it.