Blended Families, or Children of Blended Families...what should I do?

verdouxkai

Well this is kinda crazy. I guess I haven't been on a pregnancy forum since 2012, when I had my now 3 year old daughter. I will try and sum up my background, sorry if it's too long...

Since then and now, my life has done a complete 180. After my daughter was born, my now ex-husband and I moved. Around the time my daughter turned 1, my father passed away. 2 months later I found out my ex was cheating on me, and he left. After that I moved my daughter and myself back home, got a new job, new house, fought long and hard through divorce proceedings. Shortly after my divorce, I suddenly (and very surprisingly) met someone. We quickly fell in love, he fell in love with my daughter as well, who is a handful and a half (high energy, and she had just entered the terrible three's). I was swept off my feet, this man is the complete opposite of my ex (who, as you can imagine, after the affair and the divorce, I could see just how wrong he was for me through the years we had stayed together, I had not been happy). He proposed to me earlier this year, and just 10 days ago we were married.

Talk about a crazy 3 years!

So, my question is this. DH and I have not discussed having kids too much. I think he and I both worry about there being differences made between any new children and DD. DD still sees her dad (usually every other weekend, but sometimes every 3rd), who I have a good relationship with now. After fighting for 2 years we both have agreed to do whatever we need to do to raise DD the best way we can. He has married the OW that he cheated with, and though I don't put much stock in it to last, I wish them well.

I will be 35 next month...so if I am to have another baby, I'd rather do it in the next couple of years. Right before the wedding, some of DH's friends from out of state came down to be there, and one of his best friends from high school is now pregnant with his wife. I think from that, DH started to get a bit of baby fever (as much as a guy can at least), and we did talk a bit about it (of course we were both a bit tipsy from wine and feeling all giddy about the wedding). So, there is a discussion that needs to happen soon I think as to if I go off BC and we see what happens for a year before calling it done.

ALL that to say (and if you're still with me, thank you), I guess I worry about making any difference between DD and any new baby. DH is great with DD as a step-parent, but with all the crazy changes in her short life...I guess I just worry about her feeling bad about her having to go off to see her Daddy and a baby gets to stay home, or last names being different...or what if DH feels differently about DD once he has a baby of his own. I don't have much experience with this, my parents were together until my dad passed away...can anyone from a blended family or in a similar situation shed any insight? Is it too soon to even be thinking about this, even though I'm basically 35? I would really, really appreciate any advice.

Thanks!

blended10

Hi there-
I was a sm to 2 kids for 8 yrs before we got preggo with our first & honestly I wish we had done it sooner (fertility issues) bc I was a much BETTER sm after I had a bio kid. Don't get me wrong, I was never mean but I was kind of detached in a way. Now I "get it" in a different way.
No doubt there is difficulty adjusting to a new sib (no matter what the situation) but totally worth it IMHO.
Good luck!

midge519

We are a blended family. He has two (8 and 4), I have two (8 and 5), and we have a 2.5 week old. We currently aren't married but conversation is there and my daughter asks constantly when we will be (she loves my SO). When the baby was born my step boys were with their mom and she brought them to see us in the hospital and all was well. Just recently my two have asked if one day they will have SO's last name and that's a topic we're going to have to sit down and talk to them about them having their fathers last name (he lives out of state so they rarely see or talk to him).

If you decide to have a baby include DD in everything you can. Have her help with baby preparations and everything so she feels included and truly a big sister. The more you include her the easier the transition will be for her.