Not excited to be pregnant again after lose

missy&jeremy1

After trying for 5 years I finally got pregnant in 2013. My husband and I were so excited. I had a great pregnancy.  No complications at all. Our little girl was Due December 21, 2013.  I woke up Thanksgiving morning feeling a little weird.  I could not explain what it was just weird feeling. Around noon that day, I started bleeding. I went straight to the hospital and while they were checking me out they could not find a heartbeat. They rushed me in for an emergency C-section.  Our little girl was born stillborn.  I completely lost it. I blamed myself. I could not figure out what I had did. The doctors told me sometimes this just happens.

We found out early this year we were pregnant again.  My husband was excited. I on the other hand was not.  I love children and always wanted my own but was afraid to get excited that I would again lose this baby especially after the doctor gave us our due date. We are due December 21. Then we found out we were having a girl. I still was not excited. My husband keeps telling me that everything will be ok. I am having a hard time even doing the baby registry. (I donated everything after the lose) I want this baby but afraid to get excited that the same thing will happen. 

I have had people tell me that the way I am feeling is normal. I have also had people tell me that I need to just get over it and not think about the baby I lost. Is the way I am feeling normal? Is it also ok to get excited after a lose?

queenklau

First, i am so sorry for your loss. I can relate to your feelings and based on others here I think it is totally expected, I felt guilty trying to conceive after my loss and now that I am pregnant, I switch between excited and terrified. Just remember that this pregnancy is different and to take it one day at a time. This forum has been a wonderful place to share and support each other. I wish you a happy and healthy 9 months!

Plleriti1

I'm so so sorry for the loss of your little girl. Can I ask what her name was? I can't even begin to imagine the heartache. And now the fear with your current pregnancy... All I can say is that unexpected bad shit can happen... But doesn't always. So this little girl has a great chance!!! You're doing a great job. Remember that. You deserve happiness. And you will get it.

missy&jeremy1

We named her Faith Elizabeth. We choose that for her shortly after finding out she was a girl.

Plleriti1

It's a beautiful name for a beautiful girl. I'm sure this little one will be quite lovely as well.

Vets1

It's completely normal to feel that way you've gone through a horrific experience no one should ever have to experience. I also had a stillborn, & found out at a scan. Throughout this pregnancy (now 32w) I really struggled until after 26w, at which point I felt a sense of relief that the baby could be viable if anything went wrong & ive been really vigilant over any reduced movement. Thankfully my OB has also done weekly scans which has helped. I hope you have a good support network around you & you can get to a point when things start to be ok for you. Sending lots of positive well wishes your way x

nram25

Awww sorry! It's completely normal to not be excited because I wasn't in the beginning. I disagree with people who are telling you to forget about the baby you lost. Please don't. She is still your baby dead or alive you carried her, and gave birth to her so she is still your child. Stay positive and keep faith mommy this is your rainbow baby.

penelope4612

Hi,

I'm actually lurking here, as I'm only at the stage of hoping to get pregnant again after a loss.  But I want you to know that it is absolutely ok and normal to feel what you're feeling.  I hate when people label feelings as "wrong" or tell others that they shouldn't feel that way.  Feelings and emotions aren't logical.  You can't control your feelings, and telling yourself (or having others tell you) that you should be happy, or shouldn't be terrified, won't make it so.  You also can't (and shouldn't) forget going through what you went through.  I'm so sorry that you lost your baby.  But that baby will always have a piece of your heart.  As a mother, you can always love more than one child, and loving one doesn't mean you love the other less.  So of course it's ok to get excited about this baby.  It doesn't mean that you've forgotten your first baby girl, or that you love her any less.

I would recommend you identify the people around you who are able to give you what you need emotionally and continue to get support from them.  

Also, I have heard in the past that some women find it helpful to try telling themselves, "today, I am pregnant", and try to enjoy every moment with this baby, because, as you've experienced, you don't always get all the time you had wanted.  

In terms of the other stuff, I would expect that you're treating yourself as a pregnant women and taking normal precautions (ie,taking a prenatal, not drinking alcohol) so I personally don't think that treating yourself as a pregnant women and doing things like creating a registry is any different.  If it makes you too upset, then by all means wait because people can buy you things after the baby comes, or buy you things without the registry.  But know that creating a registry won't make this baby stay, and it won't make this baby go.  Perhaps you can discuss with your husband that if something happens to this pregnancy, then he will be responsible for donating gifts (or whatever might make you more comfortable).

Anyway, those are just some of my ideas.  I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm very much thinking of you and hoping this is your take home baby. 

peregrinefalconx

I'm so sorry for your loss. What heartache. Every thing you are feeling is completely normal. I would ask though, if you have been to a support group, or sought additional help from a professional on this? These are difficult times to navigate and to have extra help could be very valuable. In my area, there is a group for miscarriage, stillborn and child loss. Also, many hospitals offer services for grief.

You've still got plenty of time to sort out a registry. Don't put additional pressure on yourself for these sorts of things. Just take care of you! Many hugs.

missy&jeremy1

I saw a therapist after the lose for a few months. When I found out I was pregnant again and went a saw her. I see her once a month right now. She tells me the same thing people on here are but hearing it from someone that has or is going through the same thing you are is different.

Today was the first day that I was excited to actually go to the doctors. I was always afraid that I would get bad news. I would show up with just a few minutes before my appointment. I was 20 minutes early. My husband was trying not to laugh at me. I could not sit still. I couldn't wait to hear the baby's heartbeat. She has been kicking non-stop since we got to the doctor's office. (3 hours and counting)

queenklau

Ahhh! that's great news-kick baby, kick!

nekedfeet

So very sorry for the loss of your daughter and what you've gone through.  Simply wanted to send my support and best wishes- you certianly deserve all of the joy in the world. 

missy&jeremy1

The wonderful and caring husband, who has been so very understanding in my feelings with this whole pregnancy, has finally talked me into going to the baby store and at least looking at things that I might want to put on the registry. I am still not ready to actually start one. I know I have about 10 weeks until she is due.

A coworker told me today that she once went to a "meet the baby party" for someone that had adopted a baby. She told me that they were scared that if they had a baby shower before the baby came that something would go wrong.  My sister, who calls me everyday just to see how I am doing and although doesn't completely understand why I am scared even though I have tried to explain it to her multiple times, wants to know if she is allowed to throw me a baby shower. I keep telling her I don't know. I think the next time she asks I am going to mention what my coworker told me.