Hi Ladies... I don't claim to be an excellent writer by any means, but I was feeling a bit down and frustrated, and lonely on this infertility journey today and the way I deal with my emotions is writing. Sometimes its just my blog, sometimes its in a more private journal, and today it took the form of a poem. I wanted to share it with you all to remind you that you're not alone, I'm not alone, and others here understand the pain each of us feels daily. I hope you enjoy. If it's totally awful I apologize haha.
Every Day
You say to me; enjoy this time,
but this time of mine, I don't need, I'm fine
You say to enjoy the freedom I have,
but freedom I lack, I do not laugh
You say be brave, be patient and trust,
but trust is lost, and question I must
You say you believe, and feel you know,
but promise, you can't, and faith is slow
You say you miss the life I lead,
but what when life I lose and bleed
You say you care, you understand,
but each time I fall I find no hand
So what you need to see, I say,
is I hurt, I hope, I blame, I pray
Every Day
-written by Femme InFertile
--- Started TTC April 2011 Me: 32, DH: 32 Diagnosis: Endometriosis
2012 - 3 Rounds clomid - all BFN
2013 - 1 Fresh IVF with 2 day 3 embryos - BFN
2014 - 1 Frozen IVF with 2 day 5 embryos - BFN
Took a long break, continuing trying naturally
Feb 2016 - Biopsy = Endo, DH sperm improved from 1% to 6% morphology
March 2016 - Fresh IVF cycle with acupuncture & intralipids: 20 eggs retrieved (17 mature), 7 ICSI'd fertilized, 9 naturally fertilized. 16 total embryos!
April 8th - 2 embryos (1ICSI and 1 Natural) transferred. (7 blastocysts frozen), April 18th - Beta = BFN
Sept 23rd - Lupron Depot Injection for Endo control
Nov 15th 2016 - Started daily Lupron Injections for upcoming FET
Nov 22 - Baseline US/BW - Intralipid Infusion - Start Meds for FET with immune protocol
Dec 16th FET transfer of 3 embryos (1 - AA, 2 - BB)
TW below
Dec 22nd - first ever bfp (very faint lines FRER & cheapie)
Dec 27th Beta = 192, Dec 29th Beta = 379
EDD - Sept 5th 2017
- - - I'm a YouTube vlogger who talks about Infertility, IVF and Endometriosis. Check it out here! Follow along at http://liv4today.blog Instagram @liv4todayvlog
Aw this is beautiful. This is exactly how I feel after 2 failed IVFS. Thank you for sharing this hope. Prayers and hugs to you.
TTC for Baby #1 for 3 years. After 2 failed IUI's & IVFs, God blessed us with our miracle . FET 12/17/15 (transferred 2 embryos at 5days). First Beta 12/29/15 = 354. Second Beta 12/31/15 = 694. Third Beta 1/7/16 = 6,695. Finally heard his heartbeat (126) on 1/14/16 @ our 1st US. 2nd US on 1/21/16, HR was 159. The most beautiful sound ever
Thanks @plumeria05 , @mskeenan and @pascorra ... I'm glad you enjoyed. Big hugs and best wishes to all of you on your journeys too!
--- Started TTC April 2011 Me: 32, DH: 32 Diagnosis: Endometriosis
2012 - 3 Rounds clomid - all BFN
2013 - 1 Fresh IVF with 2 day 3 embryos - BFN
2014 - 1 Frozen IVF with 2 day 5 embryos - BFN
Took a long break, continuing trying naturally
Feb 2016 - Biopsy = Endo, DH sperm improved from 1% to 6% morphology
March 2016 - Fresh IVF cycle with acupuncture & intralipids: 20 eggs retrieved (17 mature), 7 ICSI'd fertilized, 9 naturally fertilized. 16 total embryos!
April 8th - 2 embryos (1ICSI and 1 Natural) transferred. (7 blastocysts frozen), April 18th - Beta = BFN
Sept 23rd - Lupron Depot Injection for Endo control
Nov 15th 2016 - Started daily Lupron Injections for upcoming FET
Nov 22 - Baseline US/BW - Intralipid Infusion - Start Meds for FET with immune protocol
Dec 16th FET transfer of 3 embryos (1 - AA, 2 - BB)
TW below
Dec 22nd - first ever bfp (very faint lines FRER & cheapie)
Dec 27th Beta = 192, Dec 29th Beta = 379
EDD - Sept 5th 2017
- - - I'm a YouTube vlogger who talks about Infertility, IVF and Endometriosis. Check it out here! Follow along at http://liv4today.blog Instagram @liv4todayvlog
Re: Poem to share
**BFP and loss warning**
Started TTC April 2011
Me: 32, DH: 32
Diagnosis: Endometriosis
- - -
I'm a YouTube vlogger who talks about Infertility, IVF and Endometriosis. Check it out here!
Follow along at http://liv4today.blog
Instagram @liv4todayvlog