Giving up on breast feeding and feeling terrible.

cplanker

My daughter was born on this past Friday so a week old tomorrow. I was breast feeding in the hospital and it seemed to be going well. It was very painful but I thought this was normal and would just pass.
On Monday my nipples were literally bleeding and dripping blood. I know if was issues with her latching. I tried putting her back on breast and really latching properly but was crying in so much pain and she wasn't staying on the breast.
I switched to formula for the last few days to give my breast a break. I know giving breast milk is best but the experience has been terrible for me and I just want to do formula. I feel so guilty switching to formula. Ugh what do I do ??

Bigboobsmcgee

It really is a personal decision and it's a very, very tough one but if you made up your mind then try to make peace with it. Your daughter will be fine regardless of whether she's getting formula or BM. Hang in there.

karapalley

I made a similar decision after a week at home. My little guy really just wanted nothing to do with breastfeeding. Every time we would try to latch, he got fussy, fidgety and work himself up to the point of screaming bloody murder. He knew how to latch, but just refused to do it.

I met with a lactation consultant and she confirmed that it may just be his personality. I was holding him right, doing everything right, he just did not have the patience to nurse. She even laughed and said that after 2 min of it even she would be reaching for a bottle! I wanted to pump to try to supplement, but that only lasted a week before my supply dried up.

Once we made the decision to formula feed there was such a sense of relief in my house. We could now feed in peace and I knew my boy was getting all the food he needed without all the stress, anxiety and nerves.

It took me a while not to beat myself up about it though. The message "breast is best" is all we seem to hear, but in all honesty, it's 2015 and formula is a great option. It's either feed your baby, or feed your baby in my eyes. And don't let anyone tell you you'll miss out on bonding because that's just BS.

Be confident that the decision you made was best for you and baby!

cplanker

These responses are making me feel much better. I tried and tried and in the long run she will be just fine.

massey25

Not just in the long run, but now. Food source doesn't matter.. A baby with a full tummy is the only thing that matters!

I switched to exclusively pumping pretty much when we left the hospital. He was partially tongue-tied and they didn't suggest cutting his frenulum. I'm glad they didn't. I pump and he eats. Added bonus is that dad gets to feed him too.

You did what was best for you and your LO, that's all that matters.

tianabrowner

I can completely relate to you! My LO would not latch at all. I had multiple nurses and lactation consultants but no luck, while in the hospital they tried to get her to latch and I was lying on the bed sobbing from the pain, mind you I did not shed a single tear during labor or delivery! . I choose to pump and supplement with formula and had a lot of rude looks from the nurses but i knew it was right for me and for my daughter. She is doing great on formula and gaining weight and is a happy girl. I only pumped for 3 weeks then we moved from Texas to California and I was just unable to pump as often as I should have so my supply dried up.
It was devastating to make that decision to only formula feed but I know we tried and sometimes it just doesn't work. I recently have become accepting of it and don't beat myself up about it anymore. It's a hard thing to give up but it's up to you and what you think is best for your LO

NurseRieger

Breast is best but more importantly baby needs a happy mother that's not completely stressed out. Things don't always go as planned. Atleast you gave baby some colostrum the 1st couple days and that is the most important. Don't let anyone make you feel bad. And just so you know I breastfeed and feel no more bonding than when I give my LO a bottle so I think that's all crap.

cplanker

Starting pumping and is working out. Just wish nursing had worked out. Guess not fit for everyone. Hopefully I can keep this up with this pumping with my 3 year-old.

NurseRieger

Medela makes the hands free pumping bra. I haven't tried it myself but maybe it will help you multitask

desertheart

I'm pregnant, and I was here checking on another post but something about your title stood out to me.  Made me think of someone I know.

An acquaintance of mine's baby was so fussy all the time, and she couldn't understand why.  We'd chatted about it two separate BBQ's, but I didn't hold the baby. This family was strung out from baby crying all the time.  A few months later, I ran into her at the bagel shop and we ate together.  She handed me the baby, and I was prepared for the weight of a baby that age.  But, she was so light.  No wonder that baby was crying all the time....she was hungry!!    

Turns out, she'd been breastfeeding only but not making enough milk and needed to supplement with formula.  The last time I saw the baby she (and mom and dad) were much happier.  

PrimRoseMama

Bigboobsmcgee said:

It really is a personal decision and it's a very, very tough one but if you made up your mind then try to make peace with it. Your daughter will be fine regardless of whether she's getting formula or BM. Hang in there.

This. So much this.

SmrBrd2012

Have you seen a lactation consultant or looked into nipple shields? It's possible your LO has a tongue and/or lip tie. I was in the same situation as you and didn't originally believe my LC since no one at the hospital notice it. Once my LO had it taken care of, the change in nursing was like night and day.

shaley29

@massey25 a lip tie can also cause speech issues later down the road. Did they consider this? It's easier to take care of as a baby than an older child as well. Something to consider.

massey25

Thankfully it's only a partial tongue-tie, not a lip tie as well. Nobody in the hospital had suggested cutting it, and as a FTM I had no idea about such things. His pediatrician isn't concerned about it, so for now we will just let it be.

cplanker

I will have them take a look. This is tough at the beginning. I have a three year-old and I totally forgot how stressful the beginning weeks truly are. Ahh Thank you all for all the input.

samiij

My little one had a great latch but she got too fussy so I pump and formula feed. I don't feel guilty because she needs to eat and whatever makes her happy is ok with me . Good luck

roo1oo

There is nothing wrong at all with pumping or feeding formula. In fact new studies are showing the benefits of breastfeeding may have been overstated. Do what works best for you and your baby, and right now that means keeping your baby fed and you sane. 

nicolelsmith7

OMG! I can totally relate...your situation was exactly what mine was like...the pain breastfeeding would bring tears to my eyes and I tried my best and I ended up switching to formula as well after about 4 days. Even pumping brought horrible pain for me. As a mother of a 7 year old and a 7 week old I've learned a few things throughout the years...despite any criticism you might get or how you currently feel, in 6 months...2 years or in 5 years you can look back and say you did the best you could have possibly done and whether that's breastfeeding or formula feeding in the vast scope of a child's life, what really matters is that they are getting fed. I personally could not handle the pain breastfeeding brought to me and if anyone criticized me for formula feeding my child, I'd tell them where to go because unless they are in my situation their comments hold no value and I feel like I can be a better mother by not breastfeeding...but that's just my two cents.

valeriecruz

I had a similar problem she wasn't latching the best and I wasn't producing milk. I kept trying and trying doing everything I could to make milk and nothing. I gave up and I felt horrible like I couldn't give the best to my baby....It was very sad and still is. My LO is 7 weeks and happier than ever. I wish I could breast feed but I just look at it as things happen for a reason. Hope this makes you feel better ! Your not the only one

annaw14

cplanker said:

Starting pumping and is working out. Just wish nursing had worked out. Guess not fit for everyone. Hopefully I can keep this up with this pumping with my 3 year-old.

I had the same issues with an extremely painful latch. I did the exclusive pumping thing, it was super hard and time consuming so I know what you are going through. But the good news is we tried nursing again when he was 5 weeks old and it wasn't painful anymore! I think he just had a small mouth and needed to grow a little. 9 weeks old now and I'm so glad we stuck with pumping because honestly breastfeeding is so much easier than bottles were! But I went through all the same feelings of guilt and questioning yourself that you are feeling. A baby with a full tummy and a relaxed momma really are more important than whether you feed breast milk or formula. And like a friend told me, there are many more ways than breastfeeding to show your baby how much you love them. Do what works for you and your child and try not to feel guilt about, I'm sure you are an amazing mom!

cmjn94

karapalley said:

I made a similar decision after a week at home. My little guy really just wanted nothing to do with breastfeeding. Every time we would try to latch, he got fussy, fidgety and work himself up to the point of screaming bloody murder. He knew how to latch, but just refused to do it.

I met with a lactation consultant and she confirmed that it may just be his personality. I was holding him right, doing everything right, he just did not have the patience to nurse

This is exactly what my son did. He's a week old and I gave up trying to get him to latch by four days because it was so stressful for both of us! I am able to give him expressed breast milk and it's working great but I can't help but feel guilty that he can't latch.

jennl28

I also had a really difficult time giving up breast feeding. I so wanted to have it work. But it turns out my little man is a lazy drinker and even though he was attaching he wasn't able to hold on. Pumping worked but I wasn't producing enough. After a week I decided to stop and bottle feed. What a relief. All of us started sleeping better. My stress was gone and I was able to enjoy my baby more.

As the days went on I realized that although at the time it felt like such a huge decision it was definitely the right one. My baby is healthy and growing and that is the most important. I still feel a little wistful sometimes when I think about it but I also know he's getting what he needs.

nininou19

You did what you could. It is the most important. I tried too but I ended up having spinal headaches from my failed epidural so I could not breastfeed anymore. I could not even get up to pee, much less feed my baby. It made me feel so terrible and sad and inadequate. But hey now I am better and every one is happy and baby is healthy. That is all that matters

Bickey11

Don't feel bad, breastfeeding is HARD! Don't let anyone make u feel bad. My sons latch sucked, everyone advised me to goto an LC. Like there is so much time when you've a baby who wants to eat every 2 hours and you're exhausted to drive to the LC. I started exclusively pumping and almost gave up on that after several debilitating breast infections. But I'm at 6 weeks still keeping on with everyone and thier brother advising me to put him back on my breast. No thanks, my sanity comes first. I'm a better mother because I'm not freaking out about his latch and how much he's getting all the time. I was losing my mind! Do what's best for you. Many a formula fed babies are thriving on every day!

NurseRieger

Bickey11 said:

Don't feel bad, breastfeeding is HARD! Don't let anyone make u feel bad. My sons latch sucked, everyone advised me to goto an LC. Like there is so much time when you've a baby who wants to eat every 2 hours and you're exhausted to drive to the LC. I started exclusively pumping and almost gave up on that after several debilitating breast infections. But I'm at 6 weeks still keeping on with everyone and thier brother advising me to put him back on my breast. No thanks, my sanity comes first. I'm a better mother because I'm not freaking out about his latch and how much he's getting all the time. I was losing my mind! Do what's best for you. Many a formula fed babies are thriving on every day!

I'm at the point of almost exclusively pumping (all except 1st morning feeding and night time feeding ) and I don't have any issues other than I have a baby that would live happily 24/7 at my boobs! Doesn't work well since I occasionally like to eat, pee, and take a shower. I EBF 6 weeks then cracked after a 3hr nursing marathon and now just pump and do 1 formula bottle supplement a day just to give myself a little break. I felt bad for a day or 2 then got over it, truth is I hated being used as a pacifier. Keep in mind when they do the safety instructions on an airplane they tell you to put your own oxygen mask on 1st then put it on a child. Sometimes you just gotta put your own mask on 1st! I feel like I can be a better mom now that I have some time for myself.

klock11

I had lots of trouble breast feeding too and wasn't sure about switching every time I talked about it or thought about it I cried because I too knew breast milk is best. But I can say since switching baby and I are both so much happier. You have to do what works best for you and your baby the great people in this group helped me realize that.

susandanger

I know just how you feel. My LO is 2 months now, and I still feel guilty. I have him what I could for the first two weeks so he could get colostrum, and went to formula. I still had to supplement with formula in those two weeks as well, but he had gained almost two lbs by his two week check up. That's how I knew it would be best for us. He's doubled I'm size since he was born, and is very happy. Only you know what is best for you and your family. Try not to feel guilty. ❤ you're doing what is best and that is the most important thing.

redpandapop

I have been having issues as well. At first I wasn't producing enough for her so we had to do some supplementing. Then when she got used to the flow of the bottles she started refusing my breasts. So now I have to pump (by hand) all my breast milk until I go back to work and can get an electric one through wic. I'm still doing half breastmilk and half formula. Hoping my milk supply will slowly increase.