Trying to get some of that excitement back. . . anyone with me?

rojabonita

I have seen posts about how a loss or losses robs us of some innocence and that joyful, blind excitement that we may have had with our very first BFP.  I'm sure most of us are in the same boat here.  You finally get a BFP, you smile, your heart warms, and then the flood or worry and emotionally prepping for what could happen begins. 

I logged onto FB this morning to see some friends had just posted their pregnancy announcement photo shoot complete with cute rhyme and custom chalkboard art. The board read Due May 2016 (same as me).  My first thought was WHOA what are they thinking announcing so early?!?!  Then I remembered that if you haven't had a loss it's different.  Your brain thinks positive pregnancy test = baby in arms.

I want to steal some of this couples blind excitement and share it with you all to hopefully help us all smile a little more.  I want to try and embrace my moments of excitement and joy as hard as it is sometimes. I do regret not giving my second pregnancy as many smiles as I had with my first.  I want this one to know my love no matter the outcome.  Post your happy moments, thoughts, and the excitement that you allow yourself to have.  Even if you don't post. I want to challenge everyone to forget about your worries if even for a moment, smile, allow your heart to warm, and send your developing little on some love.

Good luck to everyone. Let yourself smile!

Plleriti1

Very sweet and encouraging. Thank you for your kind words. I try everyday to relax, even just the tiniest bit. I want this baby to know it was loved from the very first moment... I just don't want the heartbreak that I've experienced back.

Skydance

Heartwarming post, thank you for that! I find myself struggling to stay positive - completely agree with PP here. But I did indulge in a happy moment when I read out a poem to LO. Hoping for us all to have our healthy rainbow babies.

borgahurst

I love this. Thank you!

I have started to look at ideas for nurseries and we have started discussing names. That feels pretty joyful. And today we are having some friends and family over to reveal the sex.

rachrobertson

Wonderful post. I am now a little over 16 weeks and I will talk to my little guy when we are alone (I read that they now have the bones required to hear some, I doubt he can really hear everything this early though). I do feel bad for feeling more disconnected with him but I haven't been able to overcome my fears yet. I have also bought a few outfits that will fit him next summer and that makes me happy, but somewhat anxious still. So, I have slowly started buying some baby essentials. P.s sam's club has a sale on their boxed wipes this month, 3.50 off a box of 1000 which I think is usually priced around $16-17. I am going to go grab some today to stock up so o don't have to leave my house in the middle of February with a newborn to buy that stuff if I can help it.

kimey1

After holding back for two weeks, i opened the journal I kept from the last pregnancy. Rereading some of the entries made me smile.
I added our sonogram and simply wrote some symptoms. Once I'm past the mmc mark from last time I'll feel more confident to write real entries. For now I'm talking or thinking to my belly "Are you doing ok in there little one?"

cmerribury

What a lovely thought! My mom encouraged me to start looking at nursery stuff (after all, she said, that's what a "normal" pregnant lady would be doing...I always tell her I wish I could be a normal pregnant lady!) and I did. It's been fun. Actually. I've enjoyed it, and it's a concrete thing I can focus on.

cammlyn

I bought my first "baby" thing for the house. nothing big just something that gives me hope this time is going to be different. I want to run and buy everything but I can't. In the back of my mind I am already prepared for another loss. So when I look at the cosleeper I let myself smile something so small means so much.

rojabonita

You all have made me smile! Thanks for sharing and keep thinking positive. I saw a pillow at TJMaxx earlier this week that said "cuddle". I instantly pictured it in what will be the nursery on whatever rocker/chair I'll buy when the time comes. I didn't buy the pillow because I don't want to 'jinx' it. I think I will go back tomorrow and get it if it's still there. Let it be a happy, hopeful symbol reminding me to smile for my LO.

BKNJN

This post warms my heart. Thanks for creating the thread.

I try to get excited about my symptoms. For example: oh, I'm nauseous. Means I am pregnant!! Oh, I'm tired. Means I am growing a human... Etc. Its all a reminder that "I'm pregnant today!!"

I still sleep with the booties I bought during my first pregnancy. They are tucked in my pillowcase and I hold them every night. Gives me peace and is a reminder of how special pregnancy really is.

And my little rainbow got its first stuffed animal last week. So the positivity is in full swing.

rojabonita

I bought my pillow!  I felt a little nervous buying it, like I was going to jinx things.  Now that I have it, I smile every time I look at it. I'm glad I didn't listen to my worried voice.

BKNJN

I'm so glad you went and got it!!!

spiffy2332

I have been giving myself such a hard time about wanting to let myself be excited. I feel like it's still too soon. I need to wait 4+ more weeks.
But I told my mom. and I cried I was so happy. I have been trying the last 5+ years to get pregnant. I want to shout it from the rooftops I'm so excited. But that loss holds me back. I so needed to see this post today. All my love Mamas.

Hipshaker

That's how I'm feeling right now. I'm ready for my rainbow I went out a bought a few outfits. And I started a pointers board for my sprinkle.

maulthouse

I am 7 weeks pregnant after a 20 week loss last July and 13 week loss in February. The funny thing is...I was so joyful and positive with my last rainbow baby...until she died. I had to have not one but 2 d&cs and hemmoraged severely. Now, I don't feel pregnant other than being tired, so I am terrified the baby has died. I feel like I'm grieving every day, and can't enjoy the idea of having a baby when I think that happy feeling will be snatched from me at any minute. In some weird way, I don't feel like I even deserve to be on this forum...because what if I'm not still pregnant? If the baby is still ok, all of this depression and anxiety is not good for him/her. And not good for me either. I can't seem to find a way out of this terrible feeling. Any suggestions?

rojabonita

@maulthouse I am so very sorry for everything you have been through. It is not fair what the universe has sent our way. Sending you positive vibes. I had my full guard up my last pregnancy and could not get in a positive or remotely happy mood for anything.
First I'd see if you can get a pease of mind check up. Try going on a relaxing date with your SO to celebrate your love and find ways to pamper yourself as much as possible. You DO deserve it and don't let that voice in your head tell you otherwise.
Go on YouTube and look up guided meditations. These helped me with my spiral of anxiety. Also journal. Replace any negative words as you write with positive ones. Change every 'but' to 'and', 'try' to 'will', etc. This helped me greatly. The phrase 'fake it til you make it' is real. If you force only positive your brain chemistry will actually change. Look up the TED talk on positive postures.
Good luck.

cmerribury

@maulthouse - i know exactly how you feel. while we were waiting in l+d for an u/s after some bleeding last week they were taking back all of the women who thought they were dilated/in labor first and my hubby was getting frustrated. i said "well, honey, they have to take the pregnant ladies back first, from a triage perspective it makes more sense." he looked at me like i had three heads and said "YOU are pregnant, too." but i realized then how much i was denying that to myself. 

meditation has also helped me a lot. i downloaded an app called calm.com and it's been a lifesaver for me. i wish you peace and joy in this pregnancy...

BKNJN

Came home from a work trip to this... I guess you can say my husband has decided to remain positive. It's very helpful! 9w2d today!! I, too, am going to try the meditation recommendations above. Thanks for sharing.

kimey1

Aw @BKNJN your DH rocks!
Seeing this pic makes me happy knowing that I'm pregnant today!

rojabonita

@BKNJN I love it! Thanks for sharing. Keep the positive vibes flowing!

cmerribury

That's a lovely surprise! How sweet.

bntfroggie

@BKNJN that is the sweetest thing I have ever seen

campbaby76

I'm 7 weeks 6 days today based on first u/s and I keep wishing in my head that I could go with the date of my lmp because it would put me closer to a "safe period". This thread is exactly what I needed today. I was feeling so positive about this pregnancy but then I was away for a conference about a health condition I have and doubt really started creeping in. Now that I am home I've decided to spend a little time each day thinking positively about this baby. Whether it be thinking of names of nurseries. I'm also putting on the calendar all of the things I have to look forward to. I feel like this will make time go faster. Happy and healthy pregnancies to you all. Thanks for your positivity!!!

kimey1

My neighbor was having a move-out sale and I saw a baby chair for $10. I snatched it, and the mom also gave me the bumbo seat for even less. Getting these with hubby put a smile on both of us. Our first purchases for our little one!

BKNJN

@kimey1 what a bargain!!! Glad you got them!!

kimey1

@BKNJN Totally! It's the bargain that got me excited. Now when I see the chair it gets me a little giddy. It's in the middle of our kitchen

Photoslave

Thank you for this thread! It's wonderful to have a community that's going through what I am and fighting the dark side of our thoughts with love too. Last pregnancy I kept it to myself and was going to announce in just the perfect way, but I missed that moment and my family ended up knowing only the sad news. It's early, but this time we told my mom and her three sisters at once during a FaceTime. It was so joyful and I loved how positive they all were and certain about the future. Definitely gave me hope. I'm taking it one day at a time and today we celebrate

rojabonita

We told my parents this weekend that we are expecting again. It was great to share and receive the joy and excitement with them.
I am getting more nervous as I'm approaching my milestone U/S next week. I am working to stay positive and have started mentally planning on how my craft room will be transformed into a nursery.

kimey1

@rojabonita planning the nursery sounds like a good thought. This week is my milestone too and I'm here waiting for my U/S at the doc's. Nervous but keeping a smile on for positivity

[Post-doc appt] Woot! Our lil bean is doing well. So happy to be past our milestone. Keeping the positive thoughts going...

BKNJN

I caved and bought a home doppler from Amazon. It was $49 and had great reviews but the warnings all said you have best results after 16 weeks.

Well, it arrived yesterday and my husband and I tried it. 11w2days and we could HEAR the heartbeat!!! It was so fast and glorious. I compared it to that of my own just to make sure I wasn't hearing something incorrectly. So incredible and the best $49 I have ever spent. My DH was in tears. And we were able to share it with my MIL later that evening.

What a gift!

It makes the nervous wait between DR visits a little more manageable.

Plleriti1

@BKNJN which kind did you buy? I talked myself out of it following my 9 week US but now as I anticipate my 11 week apt this week... I'm freaking out again! Lol!

BKNJN

@Plleriti1 I got the Wusic!

amberhobson

We lost our little boy, Peter, in May of this year due to a cord accident. I was 27w3days. We had a miscarriage at 6 weeks last year as well. I'm so happy to say we are pregnant again and I'm 7w4days. This has been such a scary time for me but I'm still hopeful we'll end up with a healthy baby. My husband and I are trying to stay positive and I even bought a baby book. Now I just have to work up the courage to write in it.

BKNJN

NT scan came back Normal! 13 weeks tomorrow.

nekedfeet

This thread is the best.  Trying to keep my chin up even though it's so early.  My best friend says: "celebrate the now".
I'm working on it!

rojabonita

I've been listening to my Doppler recording whenever I find myself feeling down. It's so comforting to hear.

Pinguinageddon

I've started reading The Chronicles of Narnia to our little one, and having a bump has helped... I'm always terrified something is going to happen, but being in the second trimester and beginning to prepare for baby has made me really excited for them to be here. I wish I had a home doppler, though!

rojabonita

@Pinguinageddon I love the idea of reading that series to LO! I may ask my parents to mail me the set they have. I did breakdown and order the Wusic Doppler today. I know there's a chance it won't work, but I needed a good impulse buy

tmeeder

I experienced a loss at 12 weeks and my most recent At 7 weeks. Both experiences were traumatic and I am really struggling with feeling peace during this pregnancy. I am five and a half weeks along and will see my doctor in a week and a half. I started having panic attacks yesterday and they're clnstant today. My heart races every time I go to the bathroom because I'm terrified I'll see blood. I know this anxiety isn't good for the baby, but I dont know how to stop thinking about it. It is a horrible feeling.

My sister reminds me that every pregnancy is very different. Symptoms change. She encourages me to focus on what is TRUE. What I know is that my test was positive. I know I feel pregnant. I know I haven't had any cramping and I know I have no control over any of this.

It's not easy, but in trying. Praying for you to feel peace!❤️

kimey1

@tmeeder I've read that bathing in your high anxiety moments actually lets you overcome them. If going to the bathroom terrifies you, the task is to go to the toilet and sit on it for longer periods of time each time you go. If you try it every day or a few times a day, there will come a moment when you don't panick when you go to the bathroom. They say when the anxiety comes, stay there without avoiding it, as long as it may take. 

When you have a huge anxiety climax, you apparently overcome it. It may take a long time like 30 or 40 minutes for the anxiety to hit you, for you to experience it, then go down after the climax. If you need help, bring your significant other with you so you have support. 

I hope this helps. It was really rough but going through it really helped me as well. In the beginning I was so fixated on checking my underwear. Now I don't give two hoots about it

Hope you can overcome it. Remember, you are pregnant today!

PR7777

This is wonderful. I am not pregnant, in fact, I just got my cycle back after m/c. Today's talk with my nurse about the next IVF treatment almost gave me an anxiety attack. I will do it of course but I already know that every day will be a struggle. You ladies help a great deal. To know that what I feel is normal will be a great relief. So thank you!!!