Pregnant and living with the in laws

arakin

Hello all, I am posting this mainly to see if I am alone in this or not. I am 20 weeks pregnant with my first and currently living with my husband's parents for 2 big reasons. First being if we don't They are going to loose their house and we both don't want to see that happen so we are helping them quite a bit by living here. But also because my husband is terrified of what will happen with finances once the baby gets here as we have no idea what we are in for. We have only been here about a week and mind you I love my in laws and they are very kind people but I have no space for myself right now. When we moved in the 2 rooms that where supposed to be ours where still filled with their stuff and my mother in law insists on continuing to use our closet as her storage for her other sons crap. My stuff is still in boxes and I can't find anything. I feel totally out of place and alone. Especially since my husband and I never get any alone time anymore it seems. All I want to do is have a place in this house that is my families place (the 2 rooms) but no one will move anything out of them. We have been sleeping in their office to which we have no privacy and I've cried myself to sleep every night for the past 3 nights because I just want some privacy. Am I alone in this ? Has anyone else ever had this problem?

cMichelle0423

arakin said:

Hello all, I am posting this mainly to see if I am alone in this or not. I am 20 weeks pregnant with my first and currently living with my husband's parents for 2 big reasons. First being if we don't They are going to loose their house and we both don't want to see that happen so we are helping them quite a bit by living here. But also because my husband is terrified of what will happen with finances once the baby gets here as we have no idea what we are in for. We have only been here about a week and mind you I love my in laws and they are very kind people but I have no space for myself right now. When we moved in the 2 rooms that where supposed to be ours where still filled with their stuff and my mother in law insists on continuing to use our closet as her storage for her other sons crap. My stuff is still in boxes and I can't find anything. I feel totally out of place and alone. Especially since my husband and I never get any alone time anymore it seems. All I want to do is have a place in this house that is my families place (the 2 rooms) but no one will move anything out of them. We have been sleeping in their office to which we have no privacy and I've cried myself to sleep every night for the past 3 nights because I just want some privacy. Am I alone in this ? Has anyone else ever had this problem?

I would talk to your husband and have him talk to his parents. If you agreed to specific living arrangements, they need to hold up their end of the deal. I really feel like communication can help solve a lot of the problems you're having.

djdawn29a

We had this same exact problem with my then bf father. 2 rooms, no privacy, any house calls and he would tell everyone we were sleeping. And we couldn't leave anything around the house or it got moved.my pet peeve...I love the guy, but after dd was 6 months old we had to move out. No matter how much we talked to him, he continued the behaviour. It was best for all of us..

arakin

Thank you it makes me feel great knowing I'm not alone in experiencing this. We plan to move out a few months after the baby is born for our family once my husband's parents have had a chance to sell the house and down grade. I feel that although communication is the best when it comes to solving problems it will not help in this sitchuation. As if this where me I would not easily want to be changing my habits in the privacy of my own home easily. So I understand why this is happening. I am hoping to just let bigons be bigons once we move again. Its just very hard for me to handle. So I think spending more time away from the house when they are home will help. At least while I am pregnant.

Krisdee123

Are you guys contributing finances to help out? If so, it is not to much to ask that you have some space to yourselves. Explain how uncomfortable you are to your husband and get him on board to help you move some of their stuff out so you can at least have a closet! It's important for you to not have too much stress and this sound stressful. Be firm!

PrimRoseMama

The solution is to adult & move out. You are not responsible for their mortgage & they are not in a position to buffer any baby strain to finances.

I don't understand the logic-- if they can't pay their bills (house payment) then how in the world are they able to help you foot the bill for baby?

If you are paying rent etc. then why not do it in a space of your own?

ChiccoBeanz

PrimRoseMama said:

The solution is to adult & move out. You are not responsible for their mortgage & they are not in a position to buffer any baby strain to finances. I don't understand the logic-- if they can't pay their bills (house payment) then how in the world are they able to help you foot the bill for baby? If you are paying rent etc. then why not do it in a space of your own?

Wait, I'm confused, I read it again, but I missed the part about the in-laws helping with the baby bills. That doesn't make sense... If they can't afford to keep their house and you guys had to move in, how can they help with the baby? Shouldn't they use that money for their mortgage? Also, if they aren't honoring your agreement, I suggest you move out. It doesn't make sense that you and your husband moved in to help them, and they can't even make the effort to make room for you. It's like taking advantage of you guys. That's not okay. But I think the best suggestion is to move out. You shouldn't stay in a situation that makes you so uncomfortable and unhappy. Crying every night has got to be stressful for you and LO. 

Shayliciouss00

You are not completely alone here. The advice given is great Communication will solve so many things along with setting expectations with timeline, like if we don't have our space by (insert date) we will need to make other arrangements elsewhere. Of course leave the convo for your husband.

I too am living with my in-law. My husband and I moved earlier in the year to start saving for a home.then to our surprise we got pregnant!! I'm 16weeks and we are counting down the final couple of months before we pray we have found our dream home and moved in. It's stressful to not have my own space, but I'm grateful that his Grandmother buys me special items from the store so me and baby can be happy.

PrimRoseMama

@ChiccoBeanz :
"First being if we don't They are going to loose their house and we both don't want to see that happen so we are helping them quite a bit by living here. "
-- this part makes it seem like OP & her husband are paying rent to help with house payments. Otherwise, the house could be foreclosed on?

"But also because my husband is terrified of what will happen with finances once the baby gets here as we have no idea what we are in for..."
-- so living with the in-laws is supposed to alleviate the strain of bills, to save money, to pay living expenses for said baby?

Where I'm confused is that paying rent = not saving for baby anyway. So, essentially the in-laws get financial help but don't have to actually make room for the folks that are doing them a solid financially? Something is off here or this young couple is getting taken for a ride.

To me it sounds like bad news & if @arakin is going to fork over rent-- she might as well do it for a small apartment. Utilities are small price to pay for sanity.

ChiccoBeanz

@PrimRoseMama thank you for that because I was reading this post like..."What the hell?" I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought the same exact things.

celainev

I understand a bit how you feel; we were renting one of my parent's houses when we had to move out, and my parent's solution was for my DH and I to move in with them. We only have a bedroom and bathroom, as my brother, sister, and cousin (all adults) are also living in the house. We are all only living with each other until I am about 8 months pregnant, and then everyone else is moving out and my DH and I are staying.
The part that I think differs from yours, however, is that since this was my parent's suggestion they told us we don't need to pay rent while we are living with them. I just pay for groceries every other week and make supper when I can. It's a pretty great deal, and by the time baby comes we will have saved over $3600 ... So I'm a happy camper.
But it is extremely frustrating living with a house full of people sometimes. Once a week or so I have a tiny melt down, alone, because I just wish I had more space to myself. But we are extremely grateful at the same time.