They come over constantly because of the baby and then they constantly steal her away from me and hold her all day and night which makes her just want to be held all the time.
MIL continues to think she knows everything about my LO because she spent the last week and a half caring for him.
"He's not sleeping because he's gassy." No, he's always gassy and it doesn't interfere with his sleep when I take care of him. "He's not sleeping because he prefers to be on his side." I KNOW but I'm not going to put him on his side while he's swaddled!! "He didn't sleep much today so he should sleep really well tonight." Nope it's actually the opposite. "(At 8pm when I'm trying to get him down before H and I go out for dinner and it's not working because he's overtired) Oh, he's just not ready to sleep yet. I'll just keep him up for a little while. He's not going to sleep anytime soon." Actually 8pm is his normal bed time and should actually be earlier since he is sleep deprived...Ahhhhhh!
Also, hubs took LO to his 4 month appointment and MIL came along and the doctor decided LO is ready for solids even though I wasn't planning on giving them until he's 6 months. So now MIL is super excited and keeps asking about it and saying he needs to have solids every day to get used to them. Um, no, he doesn't.
Arghhhh. I know she just cares but sometimes it's aggravating!
My in laws are nuts. Every time my FIL holds my son you'd swear it was his first time holding a baby. My MIL won't listen to any of my wishes. At 6 weeks my niece had a cold. I told my MIL I'd prefer she didn't hold him and she kept saying it's just allergies and kept handing him over to her. She's constantly rubbing the fact that I haven't lost the baby weight in my face. My son isn't circumcised, neither is my husband. I guess back in the day they used to stretch the foreskin for some reason that they've now discovered does not need to be done at all. She's constantly trying to stretch the foreskin. I tell her not to and she literally yells at me that it has to be done and my son starts screaming. So I refuse to let her change diapers now. Which means I also refuse to let her babysit because I'm afraid she'll try to do this. I even had my sons pedi write a note as to why we need to leave it alone and her response was to get a new pedi. Even though every doctor in the hospital Sao this also! Last time we saw her my nephew had impetigo. Fucking IMPETIGO!!! Seriously contagious! Even he told me he was contagious... He's 7. I told my MIL not to let him touch my son because he kept rubbing the infected spot. She went on to tell me it wasn't contagious and I needed to calm down. At my sons 4 month check up the doctor explained how important it was for everyone taking care of him to have a flu shot because he can't get it till 6 months and even then it won't fully be active till 7 months when he gets another round of it. Well into the flu season. Her and my FIL refuse as well as my SIL, BIL and thier 3 kids. So my wish just came true, they won't see my son till he's fully vaccinated! And lastly every time my MIL is around my son she whisks him away from me and won't let me be around him. I don't trust her with him and I'm so glad they live far away!!!
@Sammadden27 Holy crap. You do have nutty in laws... I wouldn't let anyone besides me and DH touch my LO's penis!!! She's insane! What does your husband say about it all? Stick to your guns about no visiting until vaccinated. You're the boss lady now - you make the rules! My MIL was trying convince me not to vaccinate - she gave me all these books and articles. Luckily DH and I are on the same page about it. When we broke the news to MIL about vaccinating our LO she was so upset. She finally said I just wanted to protect him. I was nice about it all, but the whole time I was thinking - Hey that's MY job to protect MY son and that's exactly what I did!! I swear... MILs are just too much sometimes.
@lilsunflowermomma they are nutty! It definitely bothers my husband cause he wants to be able to trust them with him but he hates confrontation and rarely says anything to them about it. He did go off on her about my niece with the cold and my nephew with impetigo. My inlaws believe in vaccinations thank the lord. But they're convinced they get a worse flu when they get the flu shot so they refuse to get it. Luckily my niece and nephews are required to be vaccinated for school, but not the flu shot. My husband let them all know that it can ruin holiday plans for them cause he won't be around if they are not vaccinated. I hate to sound ungrateful but we also had to tell my MIL to sto giving us used clothes for our son. Everyone in my family is constantly buying him new clothes and I hate for thier money to go to waste so I always have him wear those clothes as much as he can because they won't fit for long. I'm also not the type to put him in 10 different outfits a day. And I'd like to have more kids so it'd be nice to have my own collection of baby clothes that I don't have to pass around the family. My son is now the 5th kid to wear some of these clothes. My SIL that neither I or my husband speak to is due in February and my MIL expects me to give her all my sons clothes if she has a boy till I have another baby. Is it selfish of me to want to keep these things nice for my next baby?
@Sammadden27 My in-laws are traveling out of the country in a month to visit family. There are some babies over there and my MIL has also asked me if I would send things that the LO has outgrown, in particular she wants onesies and sleepers. I said I would look but later told my husband I wasn't ready to give away her things--and I would probably want to reuse them for our next child. He was fine with that but suggested that we might want to send some things that we got that we don't necessarily like, so I'm thinking about it. In your case, why not just give your MIL the used clothes back so she can pass that on? And keep the newer things you got or bought? This gets rid of the used clothes--and maybe suggest she start saving those for the coming baby! But as for your stuff, she doesn't know what you have so I'd say just let the issue slide and keep your things!
@krystal525 I'm expected to give my SIL the hand me downs from my other SIL.... I'm very happy to do it cause I can't use most of it. My son is the 6th baby to wear them and a lot are badly stained. Apparently it's a family thing for them to pass all the clothes down to the next person with a baby including all my new stuff. She's getting mad that I want to hold on to everything my son got new for my next baby. She keeps saying "you'll get them back you have to share." Let me just mention, my pregnant SIL hasn't spoke to my husband in 4 years. Didn't come to our wedding and refuses to speak to me... But I'm expected to share with her. Also my other SIL and MIL gave me bins of used toys and clothes as my baby shower gift. I want to be grateful but I think there's a time and place for that and it's not my baby shower!
@Sammadden27 Totally agree!! I say hold firm on the your son's things! I find it hard to believe that your family members have always passed along everything, you know? I'm sure they've kept things for themselves. I'm sentimental so I'd have a hard time letting go of my daughters things unless I was specifically ready to do so. If you're feeling pressured to rationalize your choice--not that you should have to!--maybe tell her that you're not ready and maybe some day you'll add to the growing pile of hand-me-downs. Hang in there!
@Sammadden27 that is just ridiculous to be expected to hand over everything. My DH has several brothers who are soon going to be starting families and I have said I would pass over SOME clothes. But like hell im giving everything away. They can get their own stuff as far as I am concerned. Just give her whatever you don't want or the hand downs you were given and keep what you want. Your MIL can't do anything about it
Your responses are awesome! My son was preemie so the clothes from the first few weeks are super important to me. Plus I doubt many babies would fit into them. My MIL reason for sharing clothes throughout the family is that she likes them to have "nice" clothes like gap, Janie and Jack and Hannah Anderson and they're expensive. She doesn't like the "crap" my family buys from carters.... But a yard sale changing pad is ok. Seriously my mil is just insane. Absolutely insane!!!!
This post made me feel better about my crazy in-laws! My MIL keeps asking if our LO is picking up Cheerios & feeding herself yet... She's 4 months old! The only reason she keeps obsessing about that is because one doctor told her that their grandson not doing that was an early sign he's autistic. Mind you, he's almost 4, so yes, him not feeding himself yet IS a problem!!
Man I'd be in trouble if my kid was picking up objects as small as Cheerios already!!! My inlaws are insane but it's not just them, my family can be nuts too. My grandmother just had my mom on the phone for a half hour about how she read an article that babies shouldn't be sleeping during the day. That we need to train them that night time is the only time for sleep and we need to somehow show them when it's dark out. Let me tell you, if I waited till it was dark out for my kid to have his first sleep of the day, my entire neighborhood would hear him scream. She also told me to mix a little corn syrup in with his beast milk bottles so he'd gain weight faster. I've learned to have VERY selective hearing these days!!!
Geez that's terrible you're expected to hand everything over, especially if your SIL isn't even speaking to you and DH!! I agree with pp's above, give them what you don't want and stick to your guns!! My family and in laws do my head in too... The latest argument with MIL and FIL is that they keep telling me they are going to give DS icecream despite DH and I both saying no!!! He is only 4.5 months old!!! They ignore all of our wishes and always tell us they know DS better than we do, it's such a joke!! My family isn't much better either though... My sister threw a massive tantrum the day after DS was born as we didn't let her be in the delivery room (I just wanted DH), and her final straw was that parents got to meet DS before she did.. She's refused to have anything to do with us now and hasn't seen DS since he was 2 days old... Funny how people seem to forget that it is not all about them when it comes to you and wanting what's best for your child!!!!
@McRandy84 that's horrible of your sister! My dad is always trying to give my son food and I am giving him food, but just a little bit one thing at a time. I'm allergic to some stone fruits and some nuts so those foods make me nervous to give to him. So what does my dad do? He slices up a peach and let's him suck on a slice. Don't get me wrong, my dad is awesome with him but refuses to listen to any of my wishes. He just says "I raised you, you turned out fine" all the time! I feel like I could write a book about my MIL though.
Nearly everyone in my husband's family has some form of autism/aspergers. They are all high functioning and can hold down jobs, but they are really frustrating socially. My BIL is really into comic books, but he only goes to one store that is 2 hours away from his house because autism. It's right near us though, so he would come over unannounced and usually stay until 11, when he had to leave for work (he works the overnight shift). That was ok before we had the baby, and we told him once she was born he couldn't do that anymore. He still does! It's frustrating too because he doesn't come over to see his niece, he won't even hold her. He comes over to play a video game that he got for DH, because DH told him he wouldn't have time to play it because of the baby. He thinks he's doing him a favor by playing it for him. Last night he came over and made so much noise that I couldn't get LO to sleep until 12:30 (bed time is at 10). Gentle nudges to get him to leave don't work on him. I can say "Wow it's late." A hundred times and he'll agree and go on doing whatever. But when DH finally told him straight up "You need to leave." He got offended.
@MrsWhiteToBe this sounds horrible. Do your husbands parents have autism too? Can they help? Can you talk to him sometime and just tell him he needs to make plans to come over? Also tell him the baby's bedtime is 10 and set a time he can stay till. Hopefully if you let him know it's for the well being of the baby, he'll understand.
@Sammadden27 his mom, aunt and uncle are all on the spectrum. His dad is no longer with us. We've told him several times but he doesn't get it. Most of the time he brings his girlfriend and she knows when it's time to leave, she just had to work late yesterday.
@MrsWhiteToBe is it at all possible to not answer the door if he turns up unannounced? I hope for your sake you can!! That's really horrible he's disrupting your LO's bedtime so much, I hope it doesn't mess with her sleep that night too.. If my DS's bedtime gets messed up and is too late, we are in for a horrible night sleep with lots of waking up to settle DS.. @Sammadden27 I just read your post above about the crazy MIL and foreskin issues!! If my MIL tried that I'd refuse to let her change any diapers too!! (I'd also consider not letting her in the house again...) That's horrific of her!! Speaking of diapers, my MIL refuses to change any poop so the first time she babysat DS she waited for us to pick him up so we would change him as it was "too disgusting"... That was a couple of months ago and I've only just worked up the courage to try again only for DH's sake.. MIL never lets me near DS when they're around either because she says he looks at me too much and that seems to upset her, what the.. I could go on
My MIL swears my baby is hers. She constantly steals her away from me and when she sees me complaining she thinks I'm jealous they have a bond lmao. This lady is nuts..I can't stand her and hate how she is with my daughter. I have to remind her sometimes that she came out of my vagina not hers lollll
Re: 8/27 In Laws/Family Vent
"He's not sleeping because he's gassy." No, he's always gassy and it doesn't interfere with his sleep when I take care of him.
"He's not sleeping because he prefers to be on his side." I KNOW but I'm not going to put him on his side while he's swaddled!!
"He didn't sleep much today so he should sleep really well tonight." Nope it's actually the opposite.
"(At 8pm when I'm trying to get him down before H and I go out for dinner and it's not working because he's overtired) Oh, he's just not ready to sleep yet. I'll just keep him up for a little while. He's not going to sleep anytime soon." Actually 8pm is his normal bed time and should actually be earlier since he is sleep deprived...Ahhhhhh!
Also, hubs took LO to his 4 month appointment and MIL came along and the doctor decided LO is ready for solids even though I wasn't planning on giving them until he's 6 months. So now MIL is super excited and keeps asking about it and saying he needs to have solids every day to get used to them. Um, no, he doesn't.
Arghhhh. I know she just cares but sometimes it's aggravating!
My son isn't circumcised, neither is my husband. I guess back in the day they used to stretch the foreskin for some reason that they've now discovered does not need to be done at all. She's constantly trying to stretch the foreskin. I tell her not to and she literally yells at me that it has to be done and my son starts screaming. So I refuse to let her change diapers now. Which means I also refuse to let her babysit because I'm afraid she'll try to do this. I even had my sons pedi write a note as to why we need to leave it alone and her response was to get a new pedi. Even though every doctor in the hospital Sao this also!
Last time we saw her my nephew had impetigo. Fucking IMPETIGO!!! Seriously contagious! Even he told me he was contagious... He's 7. I told my MIL not to let him touch my son because he kept rubbing the infected spot. She went on to tell me it wasn't contagious and I needed to calm down.
At my sons 4 month check up the doctor explained how important it was for everyone taking care of him to have a flu shot because he can't get it till 6 months and even then it won't fully be active till 7 months when he gets another round of it. Well into the flu season. Her and my FIL refuse as well as my SIL, BIL and thier 3 kids. So my wish just came true, they won't see my son till he's fully vaccinated!
And lastly every time my MIL is around my son she whisks him away from me and won't let me be around him. I don't trust her with him and I'm so glad they live far away!!!
My MIL was trying convince me not to vaccinate - she gave me all these books and articles. Luckily DH and I are on the same page about it. When we broke the news to MIL about vaccinating our LO she was so upset. She finally said I just wanted to protect him. I was nice about it all, but the whole time I was thinking - Hey that's MY job to protect MY son and that's exactly what I did!! I swear... MILs are just too much sometimes.
I hate to sound ungrateful but we also had to tell my MIL to sto giving us used clothes for our son. Everyone in my family is constantly buying him new clothes and I hate for thier money to go to waste so I always have him wear those clothes as much as he can because they won't fit for long. I'm also not the type to put him in 10 different outfits a day. And I'd like to have more kids so it'd be nice to have my own collection of baby clothes that I don't have to pass around the family. My son is now the 5th kid to wear some of these clothes. My SIL that neither I or my husband speak to is due in February and my MIL expects me to give her all my sons clothes if she has a boy till I have another baby. Is it selfish of me to want to keep these things nice for my next baby?
Apparently it's a family thing for them to pass all the clothes down to the next person with a baby including all my new stuff. She's getting mad that I want to hold on to everything my son got new for my next baby. She keeps saying "you'll get them back you have to share."
Let me just mention, my pregnant SIL hasn't spoke to my husband in 4 years. Didn't come to our wedding and refuses to speak to me... But I'm expected to share with her. Also my other SIL and MIL gave me bins of used toys and clothes as my baby shower gift. I want to be grateful but I think there's a time and place for that and it's not my baby shower!
Keep your kids clothes don't even bother passing it down.
Seriously my mil is just insane. Absolutely insane!!!!
My inlaws are insane but it's not just them, my family can be nuts too. My grandmother just had my mom on the phone for a half hour about how she read an article that babies shouldn't be sleeping during the day. That we need to train them that night time is the only time for sleep and we need to somehow show them when it's dark out.
Let me tell you, if I waited till it was dark out for my kid to have his first sleep of the day, my entire neighborhood would hear him scream. She also told me to mix a little corn syrup in with his beast milk bottles so he'd gain weight faster.
I've learned to have VERY selective hearing these days!!!
My family and in laws do my head in too... The latest argument with MIL and FIL is that they keep telling me they are going to give DS icecream despite DH and I both saying no!!! He is only 4.5 months old!!! They ignore all of our wishes and always tell us they know DS better than we do, it's such a joke!! My family isn't much better either though... My sister threw a massive tantrum the day after DS was born as we didn't let her be in the delivery room (I just wanted DH), and her final straw was that parents got to meet DS before she did.. She's refused to have anything to do with us now and hasn't seen DS since he was 2 days old... Funny how people seem to forget that it is not all about them when it comes to you and wanting what's best for your child!!!!
My dad is always trying to give my son food and I am giving him food, but just a little bit one thing at a time. I'm allergic to some stone fruits and some nuts so those foods make me nervous to give to him. So what does my dad do? He slices up a peach and let's him suck on a slice. Don't get me wrong, my dad is awesome with him but refuses to listen to any of my wishes. He just says "I raised you, you turned out fine" all the time!
I feel like I could write a book about my MIL though.
@Sammadden27 I just read your post above about the crazy MIL and foreskin issues!! If my MIL tried that I'd refuse to let her change any diapers too!! (I'd also consider not letting her in the house again...) That's horrific of her!! Speaking of diapers, my MIL refuses to change any poop so the first time she babysat DS she waited for us to pick him up so we would change him as it was "too disgusting"... That was a couple of months ago and I've only just worked up the courage to try again only for DH's sake.. MIL never lets me near DS when they're around either because she says he looks at me too much and that seems to upset her, what the.. I could go on
She's insane. Insane!!!!!