Intro, m/c at 9 weeks. In so much pain

DA682

Hi all- I am so sorry for all of your losses and hate having to meet you under these circumstances.  I am just looking for some advice from those who have been where I am now.

Yesterday at my first OB appt (9 weeks) I found out I had an empty sac on ultrasound.  To go from thinking I was pregnant for the past 5 weeks, to suddenly knowing there is no baby, has been an extreme shock and so devastating.  I keep forgetting that I'm not pregnant and then remembering. I had a dream last night that the ultrasound was wrong. Then I woke up. I barely slept. Being alone with my thoughts last night was terrible. I haven't eaten in almost a day. I have no appetite.  My head hurts and I feel sick to my stomach.  My husband is also so sad and its so hard to see him like that.  I feel like a fool for getting attached to this pregnancy and having all of these symptoms (which I really did- fatigue, nausea, the whole bit) all for nothing.  I feel ashamed.  I feel so so so sad. 

I chose to try cytotec (afraid to try a D+C even though its probably a faster solution) but won't try it til this weekend b/c I am afraid of having to experience severe bleeding while I'm at work. So far I've had no spotting, cramping or anything to signal a problem with this pregnancy.

I am a little relieved that there was no "baby" on the ultrasound and I am telling myself it probably never developed past the first ball of cells but who knows.  I am just very anxious to put this behind me so I can get pregnant again.  I am afraid of not getting pregnant again for a long time, or ever (I experienced difficulty getting pregnant previously).  

A couple questions for you ladies

1. When will I start to feel semi-functional and do you think I'll be a disaster at work? I don't really have the option to take the day off

2. How bad is the cytotec in terms of pain and bleeding? I'm scared. 

2.  If you used cytotec and have started ttc again, how long until you got your period/ovulated.  Any success stories out there?

Big hugs to you all, thank you in advance

laurenofthesea

First off, I want to tell you how sorry I am, and that I understand and I know it feels scary, but you aren't alone.

My miscarriage story is a little bit different, as I had a fetus that passed away and a missed miscarriage around the mid nine week mark with a D and C. But some of your questions were some that rang true in my situation as well. I also had every pregnancy symptom in the book, and it feels as though it was all for nothing. I understand that you feel ashamed, I understand that you can't sleep, I understand that you have a headache and you can't eat and that you don't want to be alone. I could have written that part myself, as that is what I went through the night before my d and c. It's so tough, but I know we will get through this.

I had my surgery 6 days ago and I went back to work yesterday. It was really hard and I had to excuse myself a few times to regain composure. However, it felt really good to try and regain normal.

Lots of hugs and positive vibes to you.

katempar

I am so sorry you are going through this. My experience was similar -- I went in for my first prenatal appointment around 8 weeks, only to see an empty gestational sac on the screen. I ended up getting a D&C, so I can't share any insight on the cytotec.

It has been just over 3 weeks since my surgery, and every day is starting to get easier now. The first couple weeks were very difficult for me, but everyone heals/copes differently. I would definitely recommend taking the day off if at all possible. I was only out of work for a day after my D&C, and it was a rough week.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

rachrobertson

I am so sorry for your loss. Whether there was a baby in there or not, in your mind, there has been a baby for the past 5 weeks. A baby that you were excited to meet and had big plans for in the future. I did not take the cytotec as my baby had stopped growing one day shy of 10 weeks, but I didn't find out until my second prenatal visit at 13 weeks (baby had a heartbeat at 9 weeks). My doctor felt a d&c was safer, and I wanted the quick closure. However, we found out on Monday of our loss, I couldn't really eat the rest of Monday or Tuesday and by my appointment on Wednesday to discuss our plan, I had lost 10 pounds. However, after the physical part was over, it took me about a week to stop having daily breakdowns and I woke up crying the first few days. I work in healthcare and walk through the NICU to get to two buildings, and the week I came back they asks me to go administer a medicine that pregnant caregivers couldn't give because the other girl that was available to do it was pregnant and she kept reminding me of it even though she knew my situation. For that reason, in addition to having a surge of patients that are pregnant and had OD on drugs or had infections from failed abortions (I had never had a patient in for that reason until after my loss), I had a rough first couple of weeks back at work. Also, your hormones are changing quickly which makes more people more crazy than normal. So, if you could get time off from work, it would probably be ideal, but I know some women on this board go back to work the day after a d&c. It is all up to you and your personal situation, just take time for yourself. If you really can't get time off but want an extra day, maybe wait until next weekend which is a three day weekend for most people?

Romano123

A couple questions for you ladies
1. When will I start to feel semi-functional and do you think I'll be a disaster at work? I don't really have the option to take the day off.

If you're off this weekend, I would take the pill around 5 or 6am on Sat. I was feeling better by Sunday but then passed more on Monday morning. I felt tired/crabby/weak on Monday but have felt better since then. I would absolutely not recommend you take the medicine while at work. It was way too messy.

2. How bad is the cytotec in terms of pain and bleeding? I'm scared. My experience was pretty painful. Way worse than a worst period. I'd compare he worst of the pain to a 7/10 - the contractions are the worst pain. Once you start to pass tissue/baby, the pain gets better.

2. If you used cytotec and have started ttc again, how long until you got your period/ovulated. Any success stories out there? I just took it, so don't have a success story yet!

Romano123

And I'm so so sorry for what you ate going through. I hope it gets easier for all of us. Hugs.

cyntodd

I don't have advice on the cytotec either i was 12w3d and baby stopped growing at 10w6d. I did have a D&C and then used FMLA and took two weeks off work. I am probably on the more lengthy end of time off but I needed it. I also work in Healthcare and couldn't bear the thought of taking care of others when it first happened. I was still a mess the first week back and since then it gets a little easier as each day goes by. You will need time to rest and process the loss. I hope you can at least take a day or two.

JessicaC0203

This was similar to my story but chose to go with a D&C due to concern about my job and not having the time to take off. The emotions come and go and there are a lot of negative thoughts that occur...especially late at night. I found that focusing on a positive in my life was helpful. Know that feelings are never wrong and to validate them. Take care of yourself. 

DA682

Thanks guys.  Yesterday I was feeling better. I took off from work and I slept all night.  But this  morning I woke up feeling sad again. I just keep telling myself- you're not pregnant anymore, you're not pregnant anymore. I feel like I have to keep saying it b/c otherwise I subconsciously keep thinking I am still pregnant.  I am having trouble adjusting to this new reality.  I'm just so sad.  Thank you for all of your responses, they are very comforting. I am sorry you are all going through such a hard time too. Big hugs

N021282

I had the same situation. Went in for my 9 week checkup only to find out the baby never developed. That was the Friday and they couldn't do the d&c until Wednesday. I kept telling myself that they will do a sonar before the d&c and we will see a heartbeat. Then I realised that I had to take medication the night before the procedure to start bleeding. I really messed myself up emotionally. 

It took me about three weeks to start feeling normal again. Give yourself time, it does get better.

I am so sorry for your loss. 

Courtney2M

I am so sorry.  My miscarriage was probably the hardest thing I've gone through.  It totally depends on the person and the circumstance on how long it will take you to function again.  I'm sorry you can't take work off but when you do have a chance give yourself a chance to grieve.  It is important to feel validated in your loss.  If you don't get that from anyone else, at least know that you have our support. Try to take comfort in the good things in life.  If you are religious, rely on that.  If you have someone who will listen, talk.  I didn't keep my miscarriage a secret and I'm glad I didn't.  I still need to talk about it.  Hang in there.