Don't want mother in law in delivery room

smariana

from the beginning I told my husband that the only ones that would be in the delivery room would be him and my mom. My mom and I are very close. And his mom isn't exactly the most sensitive person. Plus when she talks to her friends or family about my baby she makes it seem like its HER baby. And makes me feel like I'm just the one having the baby for her. She already asked me to ask the doctor how many ppl could be in there. She didn't even ask me if I was ok with it or not. I feel bad, but at the same time both my husband and her need to respect my decision.

jennylynn103

Tell her two people are allowed to be there - your mom and your husband - and tell the nursing staff they are not to let her in. You're not putting on a show - you're giving birth and you're entitled to only have who you want there.

Latina211508

I personally would never want my MIL in the delivery room. I only had my mother there with me for my first because my husband was deployed. Just be honest and let her know she will not be there. You only want your husband and your mom.

cMichelle0423

jennylynn103 said:

Tell her two people are allowed to be there - your mom and your husband - and tell the nursing staff they are not to let her in. You're not putting on a show - you're giving birth and you're entitled to only have who you want there.

This for sure.

amberrmariee20

My MIL is awesome, but never will she be in the delivery room, I like my vagina unseen and out of her mind haha !

KittyCat84

Yep! Agree with PPs. You're the one having the baby, you have the right to decide who you want in the room. I have the most amazing MIL, yet I would never want her to see my "lady bits"! Haha. If she needs an explanation, you can explain that it's a very private moment when you're exposed and don't want anyone else but who you're comfortable with to be there. That's what I will say to my MIL if this comes up...as she's already indicated she wants to be in the room as well. Good luck, and best wishes  

tstew96

I agree with pp, I would never want my mil in there with me, and I'm going to make sure the staff know that only my boyfriend, mom, and sister are allowed in, everybody else has to text and ask before coming in the room at any point. I'm a very very private person

Disneygeek77

There is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting your MIL in the delivery room.  You will be experiencing the most uncomfortable pain in your life and if your mom can give you comfort, support and encouragement in a way that your husband can't, then you should be able to have that.  Likewise, if your MIL would make the delivery process more difficult for you, you have every right to ask that she not be there.

Knottie59387608

Just tell her you aren't comfortable with it. My mom and I are very close and I don't even want her in there. I just feel like this is a special time for just my husband and I to bond with our baby.

SaltyMcNulty

The only person I think has any "right" to be in the delivery room is the person who helped create your baby - so, your SO. Anyone else is completely up to you. Your birth, your choice. 

Repeat after me: "MIL, only SO and my mom are allowed in the delivery room. SO will let you know a good time to come and meet the new baby." Repeat often. Make sure your SO fully understands this (and no, this is not an area you compromise on).

ash413

I told my MIL the only people with a free pass into the delivery room are those that were present during conception. Everyone else is at your descretion. Just tell her you can only haven people in the room.

tbasinski

I can't even imagine having my mum in there, much less my MIL. Hell we aren't even telling anyone when I go into labor (except whoever is watching our older kids.)

pippamom

I'm with you! it should be just you and your man! 

amp61470

It's totally up to you and what you are comfortable with. My MIL will be there with us. She calms me and I think it will be good for my DH too. I was worried about being SEEN but then realized she has 3 sons and knows exactly what to expect. 

Tell your Mother in Law that while you love her you are not comfortable with her being there when you deliver. However as soon as the baby is born you would love for her to be there, if that is the case. 

ChiccoBeanz

SaltyMcNulty said:

The only person I think has any "right" to be in the delivery room is the person who helped create your baby - so, your SO. Anyone else is completely up to you. Your birth, your choice. 

Repeat after me: "MIL, only SO and my mom are allowed in the delivery room. SO will let you know a good time to come and meet the new baby." Repeat often. Make sure your SO fully understands this (and no, this is not an area you compromise on).

I'm a week or so shy of my 3rd trimester, so I'm lurking, but @SaltyMcNulty here is on the money. Also, were you given a birth plan or submitting one? On mine, during pre-registration, I wrote that my Mother and SO are my birthing team. No one else is invited or allowed in. I told my SO this, and he was cool with it. It's great that she's so excited, but you need to stand firm on this. Being a grandmother doesn't make her entitled to witness the baby's birth. An invitation from you, and only you, gives her that option. If her feelings are hurt, tough and sorry, but she shouldn't have assumed she was going to be there in the first place. Especially when she wasn't invited to begin with. 

PrimRoseMama

smariana said:

from the beginning I told my husband that the only ones that would be in the delivery room would be him and my mom. My mom and I are very close. And his mom isn't exactly the most sensitive person. Plus when she talks to her friends or family about my baby she makes it seem like its HER baby. And makes me feel like I'm just the one having the baby for her. She already asked me to ask the doctor how many ppl could be in there. She didn't even ask me if I was ok with it or not. I feel bad, but at the same time both my husband and her need to respect my decision.

Don't feel bad. Birth is not a spectator sport and your MIL needs to STFU. Tell your nurses, your doctor and anyone else on staff. They will bounce her for you. They are not afraid.

You need to get your husband on board. If he can't stand up to Mommy Dearest then you have a husband problem. Boundaries. You need to set them RIGHT NOW. Otherwise your child-rearing is going to be a nightmare.

Please believe me-- my own MIL is a Dragon.

PrimRoseMama

Also, the way I feel about it is this: its your lady bits, blood and other embarrassing things happening during the labor. You should have complete control over who gets to view  you in a vulnerable state. If you want your mom and The Pope (for argument's sake), then you should get who you want in there. Yes, it is your husband's baby, but the baby isn't here yet. You have to go through labor first and that is YOUR PRIVATE AFFAIR.

Some might freak on me about this, but having been through it many times-- you don't want someone there that is a PITA. You want who you want and if that's your mama, then so be it. Your MIL can invade later. She won't die if she doesn't see the baby pop out of your vagina.

I can't impress enough that boundaries are necessary with an MIL like this. Put your Big-Girl-Panties on and be a Warrior for your family. Don't let your MIL bulldoze you.

ChiccoBeanz

@PrimRoseMama Pita like pita bread? Not trying to be funny, but I'm trying to get what you mean. Your dragon comment made me giggle as well.

JaqiDec04

ChiccoBeanz said:

@PrimRoseMama Pita like pita bread? Not trying to be funny, but I'm trying to get what you mean. Your dragon comment made me giggle as well.

P I T A = pain in the "butt"

PrimRoseMama

JaqiDec04 said:

ChiccoBeanz said:

@PrimRoseMama Pita like pita bread? Not trying to be funny, but I'm trying to get what you mean. Your dragon comment made me giggle as well.

P I T A = pain in the "butt"

Yes, ma'am this. ^^^

A big ol' pain in your ass crack! )

tstew96

PrimRoseMama said:

Also, the way I feel about it is this: its your lady bits, blood and other embarrassing things happening during the labor. You should have complete control over who gets to view  you in a vulnerable state. If you want your mom and The Pope (for argument's sake), then you should get who you want in there. Yes, it is your husband's baby, but the baby isn't here yet. You have to go through labor first and that is YOUR PRIVATE AFFAIR.

Some might freak on me about this, but having been through it many times-- you don't want someone there that is a PITA. You want who you want and if that's your mama, then so be it. Your MIL can invade later. She won't die if she doesn't see the baby pop out of your vagina.

I can't impress enough that boundaries are necessary with an MIL like this. Put your Big-Girl-Panties on and be a Warrior for your family. Don't let your MIL bulldoze you.

Love this!!

jasbaby2

PrimRoseMama said:

Also, the way I feel about it is this: its your lady bits, blood and other embarrassing things happening during the labor. You should have complete control over who gets to view  you in a vulnerable state. If you want your mom and The Pope (for argument's sake), then you should get who you want in there. Yes, it is your husband's baby, but the baby isn't here yet. You have to go through labor first and that is YOUR PRIVATE AFFAIR.

Some might freak on me about this, but having been through it many times-- you don't want someone there that is a PITA. You want who you want and if that's your mama, then so be it. Your MIL can invade later. She won't die if she doesn't see the baby pop out of your vagina.

I can't impress enough that boundaries are necessary with an MIL like this. Put your Big-Girl-Panties on and be a Warrior for your family. Don't let your MIL bulldoze you.

I agree. No one, not even the person who helped make the baby has a right to be present during the birth. Ideally you want that person there but as far as I'm concerned you are the only one with any say in who gets to watch you go through that.

mac-n-cheesy

I'm almost closer with my MIL than I am with my own mother (traumatic childhood). DH and I live literally less than two miles to each of their homes. When I've needed someone to stay with me at the hospital so DH can go home and sleep before work because of my frequent migraines I've always called my MIL.
That's being said, my MIL nor mother will be seeing my vagina that day. I have a cord abnormality that makes a c-section almost guaranteed so this will be a non-issue most likely.
My main concern is my DH who can even watch a needle going in my arm.
It's totally up to the person giving birth who they want in the room. I don't even think we are going to call anyone until after our little girl comes out: "surprise....you're a grandma!!"

mkeip

I am close with my MIL in that we get along for the most part and ive been with my husband since we were in high school so she has seen me grow up. But she can be very gossipy (cant we all) so i am really close to the vest about some things. and in general im really private when it comes to things like medical or finances. Im pretty open with other stuff like politiics, religion, etc. so i guess im a bit wierd that way. But my MIL said she wanted her and my FIL to be notified when i go into labor so they can be at the hospital and sleep in the waiting room if need be until i have the baby. and then proceeded to tell me that my SIL (also married into the family as i am) let her do that.  thankfully before i could even say any response to her, my husband was already like NOPE! after i read the text to him. Then he went on this rant about how " i dont want you stressed out, what do they need to sit out there for? We need to have our time with him and i want to make sure you are recovering ok." Most romantic thing he has ever said LOL! 

redfallon

Most of these situations can be avoided by not telling anyone that you're in labor. If no one knows you're in labor, they can't be there to try to get in on it.