Mommy war confessions

mattandlora

I started this on another thread but wanted to continue it here. I'm tired of the perfect mom standard. So here's my confessions.

- I don't like breastfeeding. I do it because I'm cheap, lazy, and it burns calories.
- I don't fold laundry. If it wrinkles, I hang it. Everything else gets shoved into closed drawers
- my kids "baby book" is a Rubbermaid bin full of random crap I thought I should save
- my son peed on thr carpet. I forgot to clean it. Now I don't know where it was
- I don't wash pacifiers after I drop them. I just pick off the visible dog hair
- I let my kid watch videos on my phone during meals. It's the only way he'll eat

xuxachi

Good thread! I think that we go around thinking everyone is having this perfect parenting experience when in reality we're all just doing the best we can and doing whatever works for us to keep our sanity and enjoy the special moments when they are there. My confessions:
-I only bathe my kids once or twice a week (less in winter more in summer)
-My kids watch TV 3 different times in the day.
-what's a baby book? I shove some things in a box and I do an annual family album with some notes if I'm lucky

NeonNoon

- It took me many weeks to bond with LO. I didn't magically fall in love instantly.
- I blow off all kinds of health and safety advice. DS has a diaper tan line going on and he doesn't bathe in a puddle.
- DS doesn't have a set bedtime. He has trouble sleeping on his own and I'm not going to bed at 8 pm.
- I had hoped to be able to do a couple of hours a day of non-mommy/household work by now. What a joke that's turned out to be.
- 'Clean enough' has a revised definition in our house.
- What's a baby book?

mindaa

I've only been a mom for a couple months but I can see a future of failing at the mommy wars! Can also confess to few of those ( laundry, baths,pacifier) plus;
-DS wore the same outfit almost 24 hours this week. (I was waiting for it to get it dirty and it never did!).
-Even when he does spit up, I'll often just wipe it off and leave him in that outfit, until it gets unbearably stinky

xuxachi

@mindaa I do the same thing - if I changed DS with every tiny spit up then it would be constant. Only the big ones get a change. I do go through quite a few bibs as well, so that reduces clothes changes.

ewenner

Love this thread!  It makes me feel so much better about my (lack of) skills.  I also hate breastfeeding, I do not wash pacifiers every time they drop, and I do not change his outfit (or his sheets. or my own clothes for that matter...) every time he spits up.  I will add  a couple more:

1. Kiddo really likes to be on his side.  If he's screaming and nothing else works, I will lay him on his side next to me on the couch so he can fall asleep while I play around on my computer or watch Law & Order re-runs.  

2. I cannot wait until LO goes to daycare so I can get a break (is that terrible?)

jerseygirl227

Love this thread!  I am with many of you on the above, but I will add ...

1. I twice gritted my teeth and said loudly to LO "I don't know what you want" when she was crying uncontrollably. 

2. I opened a bottle of wine last week and had one glass three nights in a row after LO went to bed.

3. Sometimes I really hope she will go to sleep in her bouncy seat after she eats so I can have a moment to myself.

Sigh.  Yeah, definitely not perfect, but I love her to death so it's all good.

harmonicbabe26

H ha jumping in... 1. I hate breastfeed-ERS , not BFing itself, just those militant lactivists that mek everyone feel like crap if you don't do it till the kid is 4 (per WHO. Standard apparently). My LO has had ONLY boob milk her entire life yet I HATE even to acknowledge that and I don't identify with BFers in any way.. I discovered that several moms at our preschool are lactivist. One mom has her car plastered in Latch on stickers and hosted 2015 Big Latch On even for our whole area. I don't talk to those people anymore. All those lactivists talking about people who give even a drop of for ula as rat poison....they will be the same people who soon enough will feed their precious kiddies chicken nuggets and cake.... 2. Can't stand super crafty Pinteresty moms who have all their $hit all super coordinated, labeled, monogrammed, written in gorgeous cursive, looking like from a magazine etc... One time a girlfriend and were talking that we should do a sleepover at one of our houses when both our husbands travel (our husbands are best buds and our big girls are close in age and like to play together). Then she said 'we can do crafts or sew after the kids go to bed, yay, it will be fun'. I immediately tuned out. Seriously?? After the kids go to bed it's time for WINE not crafts... But really, where I'm going with this....i can't stand it when people just share picture-perfection everywhere when in reality you know it can't be THAT absolutely perfect because you know, we're all people, and kids are kids...but it sure makes YOU look like the queen bee and the rest of us like losers...oh well... 3. When my LO was in her super cranky phase when she was little yah I cursed her many many times. Meh, who cares. She didn't understand or care. I have also told both my monkeys that I will put them out with the recycling bin if they don't stop whininig. Now, when the baby whines DD1 says 'no no baby, we will put you out in a trash can!" I just laugh... Such a bad mom.... Ughhhhh atrociousl iPad formatting!!!

jerseygirl227

@harmonicbabe26 ... you crack me up!  Definitely wine time, not craft time.  And put the baby in the trash can?  Lol!

You girls are my kind of mommas, lol.

niknak1208

Ohhh mattandlora. Lol. I love your posts. You say what everyone else is thinking but not saying out loud.

There's no such thing as a perfect parent and anyone who claims to be is lying.

My 6yr old son and my 2yr old daughter are both still sleeping in our bed and have been for several months. I know thisis dysfunctional but I'm too exhausted to do anything about it.

I don't make my kids take baths every day either. Every other usually.

My DS has an iPad and I don't closely monitor what he's doing. I mostly just eavesdrop and if I hear something inappropriate I yell at him to turn it off. Most of the time he's just playing mine craft.

I let my DD watch stuff on my phone all the time. I have been known to allow it Meal time if daddy's not around.

And my biggest confession... I have a horrible potty mouth!! DD was playing football on the beach with daddy and DS. Threw the ball and when it didn't go far she said Aww damnit. Not a proud moment. I resist but every now and again I slip.

xuxachi

@harmonicbabe26 I tell my kids I'm going to give them to the squirrels. They think it's funny and it actually breaks the tension when I'm feeling very aggravated with them. They would probably like to go to the trash can - they are obsessed with the garbage truck!

mindaa

So I've already been putting in my time hanging out at kid zones - ie splash park, indoor bounce house - and I confess to hating it... And dreading such a lame existence if this is what my future holds. OK, maybe a little overdramatic, but I do see myself embarrassing this kid like crazy, cuz if i have to be there, i'm going to be playing too, dangit, I can't just sit on the side and watch.

marijaa333

Ha, love this thread too and I second almost every line written above!

In addition:

I've been working one day a week from home to extend my mat leave and I'm really enjoying it and the occasional day I have to go into the office.

- I'm 100% with @harmonicbabe26 on the lactivists... My lactation consultant made it sound like giving formula would equal feeding a child bleach mixed with glass shards.  I haven't given my LO any (yet!) but do have it sitting on a shelf just in case. Besides, rigorous studies clearly show that long term differences in outcomes between breast milk and formula fed babies are basically nil. 

harmonicbabe26

@marijaa333 yeah especially with the scientific proof of super negligible differences I just don't understand what the big deal is... All those precious BFed angels, and, I do mean ALL of them, are soon going to turn into spoiled rotten brat toddlers / preschoolers, who will only tolerate Kraft mac and cheese and gold fish and I'm thinking formula is a lot more nutritious than that... And don't even get me started on the 'open gut theory' which is exactly that, A THEORY!!!

mattandlora

Oh geez, the lactivists. It is close to ending a friendship for me. Both of us EBF (but I pump because I work). But she is so extreme. I CANNOT deal with it. It is a religion for her. I nearly ended our friendship when she was still nursing a kid at 18-months and simultaneously complaining that she couldn't get pregnant and still hadnt started her periods yet. Her kid was going to the boob more than mine. Hers was 18 months and mine was 8 months. I wanted to smack her. That's like complaining you can't get pregnant because of those darn condoms. She actually cried when she had to stop nursing her kid to get pregnant again. The worst part is that this girl used to be one of my best friends. But since becoming moms, it's become clear that our mommy styles are very different and I can't deal. At. All.

Why does it have to be split between BF and FF? I don't want to be associated with the militant group. I'm in the "want to lose weight, don't want to buy formula or prep bottles at night, but I'm cutting them off on the 1st birthday" group. Where's that one? Sign me up.

The best was how she gushed over me for donating extra milk to the milk bank for NICU babies. I was like "no biggie. It's just taking up space in the freezer that I'd rather use for ice cream. "

Disneygeek77

I hate going to parks that have swing sets.  One of the reasons I take the kids to the park is so I can get some time to myself without being screamed at or touched or oh, I don't know maybe read a magazine or something.  It's nice to just sit back and watch them play and have fun while I read or goof off on my phone ( gasp  ) or just sit there and day dream.  However, once they find those swings, it's all over with.  It's a constant, " pick me up, put me down, put me on this swing, put me on that swing, go faster, go slower, stop pushing her, stop pushing him, what do you mean I can't drag my feet in the puddle " fiasco.  Sometimes I just get tired of it and take them off the swings and tell them to go play on the slides or the climbing structure.  I have also done everything I can to teach them how to pump their legs so I don't have to push them constantly.  My daughter gets it now, but my son doesn't even want to try.  

Yes, yes I know I am a terrible and lazy mother and yes I am one of those that just wants to sit on a bench and watch her kids instead of playing with them and yes I  know I am not cherishing every moment and one day I look back on these days and miss the days they asked me to push them on a swing

8-|

niknak1208

@Disneygeek77 oh you are not alone. I had visions of how this summer would be SOO fun and how I'd be able to play outside a lot and go for walks and the zoo and parks etc. But none of that has happened because I'm too tired or I'm chained to the house nursing. Not to mention it's been so stinkin hot and my hormones already make me feel like I'm on fire all the time that I find myself wanting them to just play in the backyard where I can watch from the window.

@mattandlora. When I went for my pp check.. The NP was talking about how much she just loved nursing her babies who are now teenagers. She mentioned that her oldest was like 3 when she was nursing her youngest. At one point he apparently asked for her breast and she said ok and let him nurse. My DD who is 2,5 has never once asked to nurse and I just don't see why you'd say yes. But she said she missed nursing him and didn't want to create a problem by saying no. I mean what problem .. He's stinkin 3!!! All mine are cut off at first birthdays.

ewenner

Oh my - the lactivists!  I agree with all of you 100%!!  There are several lactivists on my Facebook friends list, and I am frequently tempted to hide their posts or simply unfriend them so I don't have to read their crazy-eyes extreme viewpoints (one of them is also of the anti-vaxxer variety and tries to sell 3D mascara to everyone on FB.  Not sure how much more I can take of her... oh, that's so judgy of me, but oh well, it's the truth!)

I would also like to add tummy time to my list of bad mommy habits.  I am not sure who hates it more - me or the LO.  Our pedi says he should be getting at least 20 minutes a day by now, and I'm sure that will increase at our two-month check up next week.  Well, we are lucky if we get five minutes a day, because he screams bloody murder whenever we do it, and I just cannot/will not listen to him scream like that for the sake of tummy time.  Sigh...

marijaa333

ewenner said:

(one of them is also of the anti-vaxxer variety and tries to sell 3D mascara to everyone on FB. 

Riiight, because who needs a polio vaccine when you've got "3D" mascara... 

niknak1208

@ewenner. Ohh my .. Judgey or not that would annoy the crap out of. I have a super close friend that's an anti vaxxer. I always find it ironic because she can post all kinds of opinionated crap on FB but the moment I 'like' something or comment on something that's against her views.. She's texting me and is all over me about it. Irritates the crap out of me.
Don't even get me started.

I've never been super great about tummy time either. He lays on his tummy on me at this point.