Relationship with Non Custodial Parent

MeLove15

Good day all!

For the past 5 years I have taken my children to and from their dad's house every weekend. For the past three years we have had a court order where he is supposed to collect the children from me when he is supposed to have them. Nonetheless, he doesn't, not does he take them to any of their activities so I transport them everywhere even when he has them (so I have to pick them up, take to their activities, and take them back to their dad, and collect when they are to come back home).

When school came out and their activitiesstopped for the ssummer, I let their dad know that he could begin collecting them, and where and what time. I never received a response from him (which I never do - he does not communicate with me) so I showed up at camp to collect them in case he didn't show up - and he didnt. 6 weeks of summer has gone by and we have not heard from him. My kids have called him with no response.

I feel horribly bad as if I am keeping my kids from their father, but being the only reason my kids have seen their father over the last 5 years has been mentally, physically and emotionally draining on myself. He hasn't called and although I always ask my kids if they want to call their dad so they can come for them they always say they don't want to.

Am I doing the right thing? Will they realise their dad is making no effort to be in their lives or will they resent me for not continuing to take them to see him?

20thirteen

Only time will truly give you an answer on what your kids will think of you and him.  However, in the present, you are doing the right thing.  You two have a court order that he is to pick up the children when it's his time to be with them, and he hasn't bothered.  He has not returned the kid's phone calls, that's on him.  I could sort of understand if he didn't answer or return your calls, but not the children's calls. You are not keeping your children from him, he's not making an effort to see them.  There is a BIG difference.  And don't ever feel like you are doing that unless you are telling him that he can't see his children.  He hasn't called in 6 weeks?  Could the children call their grandparents, ask them about their dad?  I feel like that's a weird thing to ask, but maybe not.  Maybe he's in trouble and can't deal, I don't know.  Whatever the case, it's unfair for you to be putting in 110% when he's not putting in 5%.  Don't break your back bending over backwards for someone who wouldn't be willing to do that for you or his kids.  Regardless of whether or not you two are together, if he wants to co-parent, he has to be willing to be flexible. 

Sending you love, mama