How are you handling out of town guests?

HWKI

Our families live in a different state. With our first they stayed with us, but now our guest room has been converted into a bedroom for our older daughter. I don't want to kick my daughter out of her room when we are trying to establish a routine, but asking them to stay in a hotel would cause a major issue. Curious as to how other people are handling similar situations.

Lalala2326

We moved the guest bed into the nursery when we converted the guest room into DD's room, so we have DD's room, our nursery with crib that has a bed in it also (I wanted this for me anyway to be more comfortable if we end up with a frequent waker like DD was), and then our room. We are only having one guest staying at a time, so they will be in the nursery since the baby will room-in with us for a few months anyway.

If you have a nursery, but no bed, I'd just plan on putting a blow up bed in there for guests and call it good if you don't think having them stay at a hotel is an option. I wouldn't kick my daughter out of her room when we are all adjusting either. Worst case, I'd probably have the guests stay in our room, and we'd sleep in the living room with the baby since there is more freedom of movement there for MOTN wake-ups.

oneblessedmess

What's wrong with asking them to stay in a hotel? How many extra family members is it? You don't have a room for them, that's not really your fault. We have a guest bedroom now but back when we didn't have extra space my family stayed at a hotel when they came to visit and it was fine.

I agree that right after you bring home a newborn really isn't the best time to be kicking your daughter out of her space. If a hotel is absolutely out of the question can they make do with couch and floor space? My family and I have a couple of blow up mattresses for that reason.

HWKI

The in laws both have major back issues so they need a real bed - which now means DDs. Usually our adult siblings come (and my nieces) (so 4 adults with one family and three adults two kids with the other) and our siblings and the kids do all sleep on airmattresses. One in the study one in what was a fourth bedroom (now storage), one in the nursery since the baby is in our room. They have to buy plane tickets to come so we would feel bad asking them to also pay for a hotel. In the past they have always stayed with us because we had room, so that precedent has been set of them staying with us. My ILs are the type who look for reasons to be offended, so it's easier to suck it up for the week to avoid the drama for the year. If we asked them to get a hotel it would be all sorts of drama. My parents have mentioned getting a condo for my sister's family and them to stay in, so I am hoping they do that.

oneblessedmess

So it sounds like the main issue is that your ILs need a better bed than an air mattress. I guess you could just let them know the deal- "We don't want to displace DD during this time so we won't have a mattress for you guys, let's brainstorm a solution." Maybe they will suggest the hotel on their own so you don't look like the bad guy. And like PP said, if push comes to shove and they start making a stink, maybe ILs can sleep in your room and you two can take the nursery?

Lalala2326

Personally then, like I said in my other reply, I'd have them sleep in your room, and you guys sleep in one of the other locations or even living room if needed. I would also be up front though like PP said and let them know that you want your daughter to stay in her bed during the transition and see if they offer up any other solutions (like a hotel...).

hbombmom

If it were my in-laws id most likely ask my husband to speak to them and let them know what's up. I'd be honest and let them know we just dont have the space to accommodate everyone. If someone is willing to sleep on a couch or air mattress you can take one or two. I'd research local places to stay including hotels, motels or better yet an airbnb and give them a few price options. An airbnb is a great option if they are available in your area and you can sometimes find a whole house to rent for the week and they can all split the cost (could be more affordable).

I'd hope they would understand. I know I wouldn't expect to stay at someone's home after baby is born. Good luck! I hope everything works out for you guys.

PDXtbird

Part of being a parent is putting your own kids/family first, which means being an adult and claiming your space. It's your home, you have a brand new baby. You'll be be up at all hours, dealing with your hormones and pp bleeding, boobs out and a mess of leaky milk if you're nursing- taking care of yourself, your new baby and any other kids is priority #1 and frankly that eclipses anyone else's needs. Having people in your home when you're dealing with this is rough, double that if you're displaced from your own familiar space. If your ILs or whoever want to be petty about it, let them. They can get over it and behave or they can stay home. Being an adult = teaching people how they're allowed to treat you.

koriemo

I would put the ball in their court. You or your husband could say something like, "Hey, we would love for you guys to stay with us, but now that we don't have an extra bedroom, we think it will be hard to accommodate everyone. The people that do stay here will have to sleep on the couch or on an air mattress..." And if they request to stay in DD's bed, I would politely respond that with all of the new changes coming to her, you would like your DD to stay in her bed for the sake of routine and consistency.

BP1979

I would certainly give up my own bed in the days / weeks after giving birth! You'll be recovering and need to be comfortable in your own home. I second what PPs have said. Let them know they're welcome to stay with you, but you only have couches or air mattresses available. Then, it's their choice. They can choose a couch, choose an air mattress, or choose a hotel.

mrsb30

Lalala2326 said:

Personally then, like I said in my other reply, I'd have them sleep in your room, and you guys sleep in one of the other locations or even living room if needed. I would also be up front though like PP said and let them know that you want your daughter to stay in her bed during the transition and see if they offer up any other solutions (like a hotel...).

You're way nicer than m. There's no way I would be giving up my bedroom and bed right after having a baby. Now I have def. given up for family other times, but not at a time like that.

maiatene

I don't... I live in an apartment where we are already short on space so all out-of-towners stay in hotels or air bnb. The transition from 3 to 4 and recovery is hard enough without throwing extra people in the mix. My mom lives in Florida and she's doing air bnb bc she understands we need our space and she also enjoys hers. If people want to come the burden is on them to find adequate lodging, not yours.

jesselayne8

Here is my rule. Helpful people aka people who will help my older kids potty and make meals and clean get to stay at my house. People I have to entertain have to stay at a hotel. My mother, sister, and SIL are welcome to stay in my guest room which is also the nursery. MIL and FIL have to stay in a hotel because they are zero help.

cseley321

If you don't mind them staying with you, just tell them that you would love the company/help but unfortunately you no longer have a spare bedroom and do not want to break up your daughter's routine since she is having to adjust from being the only child.  If they want to stay with you they will have to sleep on the couch or bring an air mattress.  And I would DEFINITELY throw out there something along the lines of: "Of course if you would feel more comfortable in a hotel, we would totally understand!"  I would have the hotel rates ready for them as well for a few different economical options of places to stay that are close by...

With that being said, we are lucky enough to have our in laws close by (within 20 miles).  If someone from out of town from his side of the family decides to come see the baby, they will be staying with the in-laws.

Disneygeek77

Nope, nope, nope.  No one is kicking me out of my bed when I am trying to recovery from child birth or major abdominal surgery.  Nope, not gonna happen.  They would be getting a hotel.  End of Story.  They don't like it ?  Oh well.  They want to start drama ?  Go ahead and see mama bear come out.  I just feel that out of all the times in my life when it is ok to look out for MY best interests, this is one of them. 

I would certainly help them research hotels in my area, maybe even help pay for a night or two but no one is kicking me out of my own bed.  Not when I have just given birth and sleep deprived and trying to establish breastfeeding.   Honestly, I get mad even thinking about it.  I hope you put your needs first at this time.  I have been here on theBump for several years and this is one of the biggest regrets time and time again.  New moms that put everyone else before themselves and were absolutely miserable.  Now those first few precious days/ weeks are gone and they will never get them back all because they were afraid of upsetting self centered and petty adults.  Please please please, don't just suck it up and deal.  

YTuMamaTambien

I don't think it is out of line to ask them to stay at a hotel. You will just have had a baby taking on guests too seems like a lot to ask. How long are they planning on staying and how many people are there? Those things play an important part in this too.