Excited and a little scared to start TTC again

crob5685

I am 3 weeks post D&C and just had my post op appointment. My doctor has originally told me that I needed to wait 2 cycles, which is pretty normal but my cycle after going off birth control last January has been 40+ days, so if that stays consistent I have that fewer chances to conceive and to be told I need to skip 2 of those chances was dissapointing. So I was really excited when he told me DH and I can start trying again August 1st. As excited as I am to start TTC again, can't help being scared as well. I got pregnant really quickly this last time, but things weren't right from the very beginning. Terrified that it won't happen as quickly again. Terrified to have it happen quickly again because I'm terrified of going in for my first ultra sound again to find something wrong. My silver lining in all this has been that it has made me realize just how badly I want to be a mother, not that I didn't want to be before I just didn't feel it as strongly as I thought other women were, but that has all changed, which terrifies me too. How are others feeling about starting to TTC again?

mt1403

I'm so sorry for your loss and that you have to go through this. Your feelings are completely valid and I feel the exact same way. I had a chemical pregnancy on June 1st and just ended my first period since the chemical yesterday. We have been given the all clear to TTC again and although I am excited, I am scared to death. I am afraid that it will take a long time or am afraid that something will go wrong and we will lose another pregnancy There is no easy way for us to just move on. We will never forget our little angels regardless of how early it was. We shouldn't be sorry for what we are feeling. I wish you the best of luck. Keep us posted and I will do the same!

cammlyn

I am so sorry for your loss. I am in the same boat as you we were given to go a head to start trying early as well. This was our first month and it has been a roller coaster. Happy. Scared. Excited. Nervous. I have felt them all. Our loss also showed us just how badly we want to be parents. We wanted a child always but now that we have felt the excited for 8 weeks we want that for the rest of our lives. Good luck on your TTC keep us posted with the progress!  

bntfroggie

It is scary getting back up on the horse when you fell off.  To me the thought of not trying is even scarier.  I've felt and still feel everything you are feeling and I am now 15wks from my D&C.  I wish you the best of luck!!

spatter1

I'm sorry for your loss. It definitely can be a roller coaster of emotions when you get the go ahead to TTC again. I feel a lot of fear as well, and just hope it happens as easily for us as it did the first time, but with a different outcome! I think a key is to try to not let it consume you. I've heard that stressing and obsessing about it can make it harder to conceive. It is definitely hard not to think about it 24/7 though! Good luck!!

spatter1

P.S. I can totally relate to what you said about knowing now how badly you want to be a mom. I felt the exact same way. I always wanted kids, but until my miscarriage I never realized just how much I wanted them. I was actually terrified at first when we got our first BFP! I'll be feeling much different next time

crob5685

@spatter1 I was terrified too. Going to be a way different experience this time right from the BFP.

Thanks ladies. Definitely trying to not let the fear consume me, but know that it will probably not go away...probably ever. Definitely understand my mom a lot better, never understood why she was such a worrier, haha, now I get it.

edonnegan5297

You're not alone in feeling this way! I can totally relate. I had my first ultrasound at 9 weeks and saw our baby's heart bearing strongly, i began to miscarry at 11 weeks, but was told I had a mmc right around the 9 week mark. Since losing our baby, the desire to become a mom is so much stronger. I feel like you love a bit differently after going through a loss.

ALC08

Nervous, anxious, scared!! TTC after the 1st MC was miserable for me untill i found out i was pregnant again. After two pregnancies and no babies i really kind of dread it. We are just now trying. It's like you're desperate for the BFP but it really doesn't get any easier when you get it after you have had a MC. I'll be just as desperate to make it to each appt and hope for good news. Sorry for your loss and hope for a better experience this time!

crob5685

@ALC08 I sort of figured it won't be easy, just going to have to get used to the worry, like you said even after the BFP. Sorry for your losses and hoping you get your rainbow soon!

KCwishes

Hi all, I had 3 recurrent miscarriages, this October will be 6 years since my last one.  I guess I just decided I wasn't able to have a baby and didn't want to go through that again.  For about a year now we have been talking about trying again, but I am so scared.  I went to my ob/gyn last week and asked questions since after my 3rd he suggested testing before trying again.  I was shocked for him to so we didn't need to do anything just come in after i get preg.  I don't know if this is because it has been so long?   Not sure what to do, don't want to suffer again. 

ceclarlinetlo

Is finding another doctor an option for you?

KCwishes

I am open to finding another doctor.

ALC08

I would want some tests before TTC again. After 3 losses you have been through enough! You are the one who will be going through it if it happens again. Request testing or find a dr who will. If they find something that could prevent future MCs you will be glad you did. Best of luck!

taraemerald11

I feel the same way too! I got pregnant last year when we weren't trying (it actually happened on the weekend we got engaged) and it took me awhile to realize it was happening and I finally got REALLY excited because it did make us realize we wanted to start a family sooner than we thought. But then I suffered a missed miscarriage at 13 weeks - I found out at my ultrasound as well. I have never felt pain like that before in my life, I had no bleeding at all (not even a speck of spotting) and to find out there was nothing there in the ultrasound, after I had all the symptoms (I was even showing a bit) was devastating. I am still getting over it today, and we have been trying the past 9 months - which makes it even more difficult, because I can't help but think something is wrong. I have read many blogs that suggest going to get checked out just to calm my mind So we have our first fertility appointment this week - I think all is well but I wanted to be sure so I can distress from it all Thank you all for sharing your stories... you have no idea how much it helps!

crob5685

Sorry for all of your losses. It's so scary having only miscarried once, I can't imagine what it must be like for those of you who have had multiple losses.

DH and I are officially trying again. Last Saturday was my doctor's all clear to stop using protection. AF hasn't arrived yet, would be awesome if she never did, but not counting on that, ha! I am not temping or using OPKs but am trying to pay attention to CM so I at least have some idea. Think I have had EWCM the last couple of days, so hoping maybe I ovulated or will soon. Now the nerves are kicking in...worrying that I didn't think about it and had two beers tonight, I know it probably wouldn't do anything, but after a loss you question whether every little thing you did "wrong" may have been the reason. Ugh now I wait....

and_peggy

Can totally empathize with you. It sucks that we're all united by this common thing, and I'm truly sorry that you experienced a loss. Miscarrying my first baby has been one of the hardest things I've ever gone through. I am 3 months past it and I still think about it everyday. Our doctor gave us the clear to start trying after 2 cycles, but we waited an extra one just to be safe, and for timing purposes. I'm currently on CD2 so we will start trying next week. I've started ovulating much sooner into my cycle than I did before the m/c. I am very ready to be a mother and start our family, but I have a lot of anxiety about it too. Our doctor didn't have reason to believe it would happen again, but obviously once you go through it, you know it's a possibility. I'm scared that I will go through this again. I'm scared it will take a long time to get pregnant. So here's to crossing my fingers and praying we all get our little rainbow babies!

nerdymama15

So sorry for your loss.  I know what you mean though on the being scared thing.  I'm scared as well.  We lost our first back in February.  Got first AF in April and we have been TTC ever since.  Have not had any luck.  We want to be parents so bad, but at the same time I am worried about "what if it happens again?"  I know that once I get that bfp I'll be happy, but at the same time I know that when and if I get it that I will also be terrified until I'm holding that little baby in my arms.   I'm terrified of what if it takes forever to get the bfp or I don't get another one.  It's scary.  I envy all the parents that did not have to go through a mc.  I envy them so much. 

queenklau

So sorry for all of your losses. I was active in the miscarriage and loss forum but have moved one this one and trying to stay optimistic. I had my first pregnancy, and first loss due to a mmc at 11 wks in mid June. Doctor asked us to wait Ttc until after my first AF. I got my period 42 days after my d&c and we now we are in the TWW period. Fingers crossed!! I wish everyone the best in this journey and for babies very soon.

ceclarlinetlo

@klauerinaking good luck!!!