How did you know you were ready?

Katm89

I had always planned on waiting 3 years into marriage and then having children, but then life happened and we just did not have the money and DH wanted to finish up college. Now at 4 1/2 years into marriage I hit my limit. It started then though. A year ago I started running to get the perfect body before baby. This past week I reached my baby making weight goal. I started at 132 and am now at 118. But despite wanting a baby for a very long time and occasionally crying over AF, I did have a moment that made it impossible to wait anymore. I missed a pill one day and left for work, so I couldn't take it for close to 24 hrs( I didn't know anything about cycles then). I thought I had implantation bleeding and my boobs were sore and I thought I was pregnant. My DH and I were both so excited. When it came time to pee on a stick... it was negative. I cried my eyes out and something changed. We knew it wasn't an ideal time but we could make it work and I wanted it no matter how hard it would be. This month is my first off BCP and I am temping and charting. Currently CD 12, we are abstaining from fertile days at this point and plan on trying in September( baby would be due after DH graduates).

What made you know for sure that this was it? What month did you start and why?

als1982

We started TTC in May. Our goals were to take one last big international vacation, save $100K, have our student loans paid off, and remodel our bathroom before baby. Good luck!!

Katm89

Wow those were some pretty big goals, good job!

als1982

Katm89 said:

Wow those were some pretty big goals, good job!

Thanks, we took the trip in April but have given ourselves until baby is here to accomplish the financial goals, but considering that we aren't pregnant yet we should be able to easily get there.

HookEmNelson

Our personal goal, before even picking a tentative time to start trying, was buying a house in our desired area. It took 2 years for us to compete in this market (y'all, houses in North Texas go for $20-$30,000 over asking-sight unseen!! It is disgusting.), actually get what we wanted and have the perfect schools.

We closed last week, we picked the month December to start trying and now we will just settle in.

Our 3.5 yr old has been ready for a sibling for awhile and we are hoping to make sure we can give that to him.

Xstatic3333

We set an arbitrary goal of about 2.5 years post marriage. Some goals we achieved in that time were getting a house, getting a dog settled, and getting our finances in order. First two are done, and we're well on our way to our financial savings goal. I also wanted to get settled into my career, which started right after the wedding.

A weird hesitation I have is that I work PT as a diving instructor, and though I know kids should come first it will be pretty hard to give up that chunk of my life for a year plus. I set some goals for myself in my dive career this year that I am having fun hitting and am feeling more ready to put it on pause when the time comes. I realize that may seem super random but it is what it is

Now, I'm feeling more ready as I talk about names, parenting, etc. with my H and start to envision a baby fitting into our lives.

bmo88

Emotionally, we both feel very ready to start TTC. However, logic is taking the priority right now. We are waiting 1 1/2 more years, which will put us at 3 1/2 years married (together for 14 years). 

We are planning on paying off all our debt by then (student loans, car and mortgage). We just hit 4 months expenses in our emergency savings and contribute 15% to retirement, but want to save an additional $5,000 for baby expenses (medical, start up costs, lost wages).

We are also planning a trip to Europe this fall. This trip is the last big trip we want to take before we TTC. We have had the opportunity to go on some cruises and other things. Future trips will be ones that are child friendly.

Katm89

@xstatic3333 I completely understand the diving goal. I have a half marathon planned for Halloween morning. I have to hurry up and get to race distance before September so that if we conceive in Sept I can still do the race. DH has a race planned in August and our lease is up in August. So it would not be ideal to be due that month haha but DH doesn't want to "stop trying" once we've started. Its a shame I will become in superb shape and then "ruin" my body. As for your diving I assume its the same situation... the diving is going to be difficult to get back to after the baby. I am sure you will though... as I will get back to running.. It will just be hard and take a lot of patience with our bodies.

@HookEmNelson So glad you closed on the house. That's great news! DH and I need to wait til we buy a house until he gets a job. It is possible that  I may deliver in a different state lol crazy I know. I try not to think about it. We both plan on staying here. Especially since my job will pay for me to get my masters so I will be starting this fall..( part time, so it will take 3 years... yuck).  I'm envious of people who have set down roots. We plan on buying a home after baby is 6 months but who knows what hand life will deal lol. We have learned that you can plan whatever you want but it doesn't mean it will happen.

@als1982 That's a pretty big financial goal, that's great! DH andd I save about 5k a yr and then emergencies happen haha. But, he is in school right now with GI bill assistance and its only part time so our finances change every 4 months. Saving permanently is kind of impossible atm. Sept is the goal so that money will be more consistent once baby arrives. Daycare is expensive here its about 830 dollars a month... hefty price

jnnfrrose6

We lived in NYC for a few years after marriage. I didn't want to have a family there, so we waited until we moved closer to where I grew up and then planned one last "hurrah" and took a trip to India and Nepal. DH also had some savings and job goals that we worked on in that time.

HookEmNelson

So this question has kind of been on my mind since I answered. Honestly, back in December of 2010 we were definitely not prepared, but it all worked out just fine thankfully. This time around, we are really preparing; mentally and especially our marriage.

I will be honest, that first year to about a year and a half was a test for us and our communication. I'm also mentally preparing to breastfeed again. 14 months of that and I needed a break from a nightly latch and breast pump.

We got this!

Katm89

I think I am partly nesting because I just did a book purge and cleared out our library nook... and went through all our photos. I have to print some photos we had taken in 2014, our Alaska trip this passed may and I just hit up a photographer to edit our wedding photos so I could make a book of our favorites. Trying to catch up on photo organization now. before its too difficult later on.

HookEmNelson

Love that you are set and in nesting mode! You know what the months ahead will be like.

Katm89

Well truthfully I think I'm cleaning because I'm in my fertile window and we hate condoms so we are avoiding sex and its driving me bonkers

HookEmNelson

Well you will have a few of your pre nesting windows before you officially start trying! You will get lots done.

Xstatic3333

@Katm89 that's great you're working on a half! I am too actually, for early October. It will be my third, and they're so much fun. One goal with getting into running was actually having a hobby I may be able to maintain while pregnant. There was a girl on another board I post on who ran a half very deep into pregnancy. My good friend who's a half-iron triathlete, on the other hand, had to stop in her second tri due to hip issues.

The big issue with diving is that it's not allowed while PG at all. Not even a little early in pregnancy. There's just not enough research about how being underwater could affect the developing baby. Once the baby is born the expense and time involved cause many moms and even dads to quit. My H is supportive of me keeping going, however, so hopefully I'll make it work.

jenfarm3

Deleted for the sake of de-railing... sent private message instead. (ignore me! sorry!)

Katm89

@Xstatic3333 I have kind of psyched myself out about running early in pregnancy. I'm scared I will overheat the baby. Thoughts on this? I think its just because a lot of people have told me this. My Sister in law ran 2 marathons while pregnant and she clearly didn't overheat the baby. I guess I'm just scared I'm miscarry and blame myself.

Xstatic3333

Katm89 said:

@Xstatic3333 I have kind of psyched myself out about running early in pregnancy. I'm scared I will overheat the baby. Thoughts on this? I think its just because a lot of people have told me this. My Sister in law ran 2 marathons while pregnant and she clearly didn't overheat the baby. I guess I'm just scared I'm miscarry and blame myself.

What I've heard is that activity you were doing pre-pregnancy is fine to continue, just listen to your body. I think impact is a bigger concern than overheating, and as long as you don't overheat yourself baby will be fine. It never hurts to check with your doc or midwife about your specific situation though. I think most pregnant runners don't go all out, but just keep running for fun, routine, and health.

Katm89

@ Xstatic3333 I will deff ask my midwife. I heard baths are dangerous because of overheating the baby. Maybe these are all just wive's tales... Thank you though. I'm worried I'll conceive in Sept and then my run is late October. I'm not worried so much about the impact that early in pregnancy.

exlibris00

We got our marriage back on track, took a 12-day trip to Europe, and have plotted our next move: save enough to buy a house within a year (or move to cheaper, bigger apartment and buy a house in 2 years).  We knew we were ready when, as best said by a friend who has a 10-month-old "There is only so much traveling and buying shit you can do before life feels a little empty". 

Katm89

@exlibris00 I think there is a lot of truth to that about life becoming empty. My mother in law had children young and she said that as much as she loved her marriage it just gets boring without the kids...Not that I'm bored but it would add something new to a pattern we have kind of set.

jnnfrrose6

Xstatic3333 said:

@Xstatic3333 I have kind of psyched myself out about running early in pregnancy. I'm scared I will overheat the baby. Thoughts on this? I think its just because a lot of people have told me this. My Sister in law ran 2 marathons while pregnant and she clearly didn't overheat the baby. I guess I'm just scared I'm miscarry and blame myself.

What I've heard is that activity you were doing pre-pregnancy is fine to continue, just listen to your body. I think impact is a bigger concern than overheating, and as long as you don't overheat yourself baby will be fine. It never hurts to check with your doc or midwife about your specific situation though. I think most pregnant runners don't go all out, but just keep running for fun, routine, and health.

This. If you were a runner before, there's no reason to stop unless medically directed to by your doctor (though they'll encourage you to keep it up if it isn't impacting you or the baby negatively). I've never heard of "overheating" your baby, though. I know you should avoid hot baths or hot tubs, but running shouldn't get you that hot. FWIW, I'm not a runner, but do work out with a trainer that includes boxing and other activities. I continued to work out until the day before I went into labor with baby #1. #2 I worked out throughout as well and even went hiking 4 days before she was born.

Katm89

Thank you so much for letting me know that. I feel a lot better. I love running and I don't want to give it up.

mkc3888

I don't think we will ever be 100% ready, but life has gotten to feel a little boring and maybe empty is a better word.  DH always wanted children and I finally feel like we are financially stable and at good points in our careers.  We are both 27 and I feel like we should get started before 30 too.  Things just seem right now. 

Xstatic3333

Katm89 said:

@exlibris00 I think there is a lot of truth to that about life becoming empty. My mother in law had children young and she said that as much as she loved her marriage it just gets boring without the kids...Not that I'm bored but it would add something new to a pattern we have kind of set.

It's funny-I hear this from a lot of people but just don't feel it yet for myself. I think part of my nervousness with having kids is that our life together is so great right now. At the same time, we do want kids for other reasons so we're going for it.

Katm89

@mkc3888 as I have said before I definitely feel like it's a bit empty. A lot of work and vacation and dinners out... but we don't like partying anymore. DH stopped drinking altogether 1 1/2 years ago because it was messing with his work outs. I drink maybe a glass a week. I just feel like a baby would fit into our live fairly easy.

@Xstatic3333 I used to be worried that a baby would mess everything up. Somewhere it changed. When I was a pre-K teacher all the moms warned me that kids ruin your marriage... it seemed daunting

bmo88

Katm89 said:

@mkc3888 as I have said before I definitely feel like it's a bit empty. A lot of work and vacation and dinners out... but we don't like partying anymore. DH stopped drinking altogether 1 1/2 years ago because it was messing with his work outs. I drink maybe a glass a week. I just feel like a baby would fit into our live fairly easy.

I agree that strangely there is a kind of emptiness that we feel. DH and I have a great relationship and routine for life now. We have so much freedom both financially and time wise that it's awesome, but it also makes us think of what that time could be filled with (like having children). 

My best friend told us last night at dinner that they are expecting their first child. We are really excited for them, but at the same time, it kind of hurt at the thought of what we feel we are missing out on right now (even though it is our decision/choice to wait). I think DH sensed the feelings I was going through and it was really cute, he immediately drove to Lowe's and said we were going to start our bedroom headboard project (that we discussed over a year ago). He knows that it helps me to keep busy and focused on something. We worked on the project for a few hours and it was really nice to do it as a couple. Ugh...1 1/2 years is what I keep telling myself.

HookEmNelson

I know the empty feeling. Once you have your baby, you will be wondering how you lived your life without; even when you go through the awful threenager age. Don't ever believe that terrible twos are the worst. Ever.

Katm89

@bmo88 I survived waiting two years feeling that way. DH found out my sister in law was pregnant. I bawled uncontrollably that night... I think I was grieving the idea that we would be first. Which is stupid but I was sad we couldn't yet. I love my Sister in law and I was so happy for her. our nephew is adorable but I still wish I had my own every time I see him. I knew it was a different experience and that I had baby fever, because when my niece was born 9 years ago I loved her to the moon and back and nothing about it was sad. I feel terrible that other people being happy makes me sad. It caused us to reevaluate anything and essentially we are moving it up because I just cannot wait anymore. But I did wait for a good 2 years crying every month when AF came. Other people would say oo just have a baby then. It was not that easy. I wanted my husband to be ready too. he did not want his college classes to ruin his ability to be a dad and I just couldn't take that from him. So now he is entering his senior year and we will try in September when the baby would be due in June.

@HookEmNelson I look forward to it soo much.

LavenderBrown1018

@katm89 I've been waiting for MH to be ready too. It's really important to me that he's as excited as I am. He's finally read once we pay off a few financial things  

To everyone reading this waiting for their husband to be ready- It was worth the wait.

HookEmNelson

Get those husbands on board!

Schumerator

@lavenderbrown1018 I definitely don't want to TTC without my DH being ready, but I'm very ready so it's going to be a struggle haha!

@HookEmNelson love your response lol! Get ALL the husbands on board

HookEmNelson

It can be done, y'all! I have an "on board" husband, but I wish I had a pep rally to get him as excited as I am, hah!

ska8471

I had been doing a lot (A LOT) of creeping around on Pinterest and the web in general. I was reading up about pregnancy, delivery, breastfeeding, everything baby. I also know a few people who've have their first baby in that last year or so, so I've seen/heard/read all the gore-y details of everything pregnancy, birth and baby.

At first, it all seemed insane and torturous and quite honestly, it scared the crap out of me....but one day, it just suddenly seemed so worth it to get to be a mother and watch DH be a father.

I stopped thinking about (dreading) all the things that came along with pregnancy and birth and starting feeling like it was totally and completely worth it and that none of it seemed that bad. It no longer terrified me. It just clicked one day that I was willing and able to be a part of it all. 

That's how I knew I was ready!

Baby fever is in full force, but we're waiting for Spring 2016 to start TTC (sometimes patiently...sometimes, impatiently)! 

BlueBirdMB

@skb1989 that's exactly how I feel.  I still find it pretty terrifying- the pregnancy and labor part.  The women in my family are notoriously ill during pregnancy.  Just absolutely miserable all 9 months.  My grandmother ended up in the hospital with both her pregnancies due t o dehydration and being under weight from how sick she was.  My mom's told me a billion times (because all children should be guilted about the pain they caused their mother's during pregnancy and delivery) about how miserable she was all 9 months.  Besides all the heartburn and nausea, by the 4th month, she couldn't stop sleeping.  She had to sleep during her lunch break.  On her half hour ride home from work she had to pull over and sleep.  I'm scared.

lalala2004

It's kind of a funny story how my DH and I knew we were ready.

We knew we would want kids pretty much any time after we had been married a year, BUT we wanted a house. 

Financially, we knew we weren't able to buy a house any time soon, however. 

So, the apartment we were living in were pretty well kept up, but older. Somehow, and animal crawled into one of our walls. We informed the apartments and didn't think much of it. Then, we started seeing fleas. It took us a while to put the two together (we have no pets). We did some treatments and a few flea bombs, and then went on a two week vacation. When we came back, the fleas were back and OUT OF CONTROL. We were miserable. Washing everything, flea bombing and vacuuming daily. It was then that I threw out the idea of us moving out of our apartment and into a house, hinting at the idea that we could have kids sooner this way, and put buying our own house on hold for a few years (until school districts matter!) DH was sold, we moved in October, and here we are :-). 

Katm89

All these great reasons for deciding it is time. DH and I had a great weekend up in Maine at a lakehouse. We got to spend time with out new nephew and our in laws. We are lucky enough that they are very honest with us about what it was like to have their baby and the first 4 months. They said it was absolutely brutal. DH and I decided to wait until November instead of September. I would really like DH to have 2 weeks to stay home and help after baby is born( that would give him time to finish his 90 days at his new job). Although I imagine they would give him 2 weeks unpaid leave if we asked. I think we just realized it is a bit more intense than we thought and this way we can have a 2 month period after DH finished college before baby arrives. That will be nice . We agreed to take it a month at a time.

HookEmNelson

@Katm89 that's a great plan! You will definitely be thankful for his/any helping hands those first few months.

Katm89

Yea, they painted a pretty hard picture of it all. They had a hard time breast feeding at first... so they had to wait up and dad had to feed baby with a dropper( her breast milk) and mom pumped.... and then she had to wash the pump... they were supposed to wake him every 3 hours but it took 1/1/2 to fee him so after they went to bed they had to wake up in a hr to do it all over again... rough times.. truth is you never know what hand you will be dealt... as much as I want it now.. I'm smart enough to recognize that my husband will be more excited if he can feel involved in the process.. taking it a month at a time. I'm off bc... and learning about my cycle in the meantime. I think i ovulated cd 18.... my thermometer died mid cycle... so I cant confirm with temps... I have religiously been testing with OPK and tracking cm. I think it will be very valuable to know how long my LP is.

HookEmNelson

Breastfeeding definitely has a learning curve. If that's a choice anyone wants to take, the right LC can make all the difference. We ended that journey at 14 months. You will do great, friend!

EQKarli88

Well.... We wanted to wait until after our marriage (obviously). We are doing our honeymoon in November. I wanted to be able to enjoy it do we agreed after honeymoon which put us in December. My husband reminded me the last months of being pregnant would be in the summer.... No thank you!! So we put it off another few months so I'm not 8 months pregnant in July (assuming it happened right away) eeesh. Sounds awful. Anyway, I'm bummed but I agree it would not be fun. We are not really doing much to prevent right now. Maybe not having sex around ovulation day but if it happened we would be very very happy.