Leap of Faith
aang0250
member
Hello Ladies. In Feb we lost our baby girl, stillborn at 35 weeks. Olivia was our first pregnancy and of course first baby. Since her stillbirth we have traveled to several hospitals trying to get answers as to what went wrong, and at best one of our nations top hospitals has left us with a best guess.... This was tough to accept especially in the grieving process, however, I am blessed to have an amazing support system. In our many doctor visits, we have asked the question about trying again. How long to wait for physical recovery (csection), and the most open ended question, how do you get to that place emotionally to be able to take that GIANT leap of faith? Of all the doctors and specialists, the answers varied so much, that I think we are more confused than ever.
Looking to you all ladies for some help on 1) How long were you medically advised to wait after a csection, 2) how long did you actually wait and 3) What did you find helped you to get there emotionally, and keep calm enough through the pregnancy so you did not have excessive stress.
Re: Leap of Faith
I am so sorry for your loss. We were also given no explanation for why our son was stillborn, just a best guess, like you said, which is so frustrating, and can be scary when trying again.
I also had a c-section and was advised by my doctor to wait a year before trying again. 6 months was the minimum, but she recommended a year. I have also read it is best to go 18 months between c-sections - so wait 9 months before trying and then 9 months pregnant, but our doctor had recommended a year and we stuck to that.
Mostly, we knew we needed that time to grieve, and I wanted to be absolutely certain that we were getting pregnant again because we wanted another baby, not just because we missed our son.
I know for me, writing really helped me process my grief, and express myself in a way I couldn't otherwise. I had been blogging during my sons pregnancy and decided to just keep going through the months after we lost him. We have also tried to make memories and do things in his honor, which helps to make it feel like he's part of our day to day life as a family.
We started TTCAL in September of last year and just recently got a BFP. I don't have any advise in how to stay calm, I'm still trying to figure that out myself! I know PGAL has some mantras pinned to the top of their board, and I've been trying to remember those - the past does not dictate the future, today I am pregnant and I love my baby, being hopeful or positive will not jinx my pregnancy. I also try to remember that I will be monitored closer than ever with this pregnancy and my MFM has told me her main job is to hold my hand and keep me calm.
Again I am so sorry for your loss and please know that we are all here for you.
@stefuge Thank you very much for your reply. So sorry for your loss and happy for you at the same time for your BFP. Prayers sent to you for comfort during your pregnancy. I have found much solace and peace in scrapbooking. It has become a way for me to keep Olivia's memory alive.
Me and DH still struggle daily with exactly what you said.... Is it that we want to ttc again because we want to be parents or is the deep longing just a pathway to deal with Olivia. I am not sure we will ever get to the place of knowing exactly where those thoughts are coming from, but I keep faith that when the time is right, we will be led to the answer.
I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter Olivia and all that you have gone through. I lost my 1st child my son in June 2014 at 39 weeks. He died of a cord accident day of delivery - they believed upon my labor starting or in the short time before our arrival to the hospital. My husband and I had a miscarriage before him and due to several factors we did not want to wait a long period of time to try again. We became pregnant with his sister once given physical clearance from my doctor - 3 cycles (I delivered my son vaginally) and she arrived the end of May this year via c section.
You know you are ready to try again when your desire for another child outweighs the fear I loosing another one.
The pregnancy after a loss is not easy - it will be a balance between hope and fear - but having a living child is worth it. You survive it with hope and by surrounding yourself and your husband with a strong network of support. Talking with parents and reading stories and blogs of parents who had walked in our shoes who went on to have living children gave us hope. My husband and I are both active at our hospital's perinatal loss group and met regularly with a grief counselor. Also have a supportive doctor and team - this is essential. Ours wanted us to have our child as much as we did. If you have any questions you can always private message me. Again I am sorry for your loss and I hope and pray that you and your husband will have a living child soon.
@msunshine123 Thank you very much for your response. I am happy for you and your family and your new addition, I can only imagine the joy and relief you must have. My husband and I have leaned on our hospital support group quite a bit through this, the unfortunate part is that many in the group have either not tried again or have not been able to be successful so I feel bad bringing this topic up in that forum. I do begin to see faith winning over more and more as the days pass, and continue to keep positive that we will 'get there' emotionally. We decided to wait to have children, so it becomes a roller coaster ride of waiting even longer and adding risk to advanced maternal age or jump into something we may not be quite 100% emotionally ready for, but then again I think with what we have all been thorugh are we ever really going to be 100% emotionally ready?