Need advice :/

catmom1

Ok so I'm due here June 23 and am a single mom. Heres the story.....The father completely dipped out on me and didn't want anything to do with baby and then he had gotten a new girl friend and he didn't tell her and she found out and dumped him after 5 months. I unfortunately have been head over heals for this guy but my feelings have been really hurt by him like extremely hurt and I can't get over it but for some reason I still want a family with him. He now after 8 months is trying to get back in me and babys life and it just like brings out this anger that I can't help and be mean to him. So what do you ladies think should I find that place deep down in my heart and try to forgive him or should I just keep doing this on my own.

akjpbaby2be

I think amy man who walls out on his child isn't a man at all. Move on, it will never get better.

akjpbaby2be

Sorry for typos.

akjpbaby2be

Sorry for typos.

akjpbaby2be

Sorry for typos.

20thirteen

His behavior says it all.  If you feel you have to forgive him, then do it.  BUT don't allow him to walk all over you.  I am NOT recommending getting back together or anything like that.  However, he has rights to this child regardless of his behavior or how you feel.  If you think that you can co-parent with him, see about working on that.  If not, I suggest you tell him that he needs a lawyer.  

You can look for lawyers in your area who will consult for free, and see if anyone will take you pro bono (if you can't afford a lawyer).

If I was in your shoes, I'd tell him that his actions have spoken more than enough over what he has actually said.  I'd say I didn't want him in my life.  If he chooses to accept being a father and becoming an actual father figure to the LO, you should allow him the chance to do so unless his behavior is inappropriate or unsafe.

momof2buggs

Forgiving him doesn't automatically grant him access to you. Forgiveness is about freeing yourself- not a favor you do for the other person. In my personal opinion, he isn't serious, and what's going to keep him by your side, if something (seemingly) better comes along again? The guy is a douche. Please don't take any backward steps. I understand your heart was, and still may be involved, but it sounds like perpetual heartache will be your reality, if you take him back. You'll be fine. Just keep moving forward with your life.

CanDGrrl

Have you discussed what your future with him looks like? What are your plans? What are his plans? You should both be open with what the expectations are.  Is this someone you see spending your life with?  Are you both ready for a commitment like that?  

Raising a baby is hard on your own.  But, raising a child with someone who isn’t all in may not be much easier.  Have you ever thought about speaking to a counselor?  How about a lawyer?  Regardless of what you decide, you should know what your legal options are with regard to raising a child.  These are very serious considerations.  I will be praying for you. *Hugs*

~Candie~ with an -IE 

lrubin2

I'm in a similar boat as you. We were engaged and everything. He pushed me to set a date for the wedding. He wanted a family so I agreed to get off of birth control (bad decision). My ex left me when I was 6 weeks pregnant. A week late,r just my luck, I realize I am pregnant. I tried to talk to him and tell him about the baby for four months and he ignored me the entire time. I sent emails of doctors appointments and ultrasounds and everything. I hoped the entire time that he would just support me as the child's father. I wasn't even pushing a relationship.

I finally had enough and hired a lawyer to start the custody and support paperwork. We go to court next week. He has finally started calling me and actually asking about the baby for about two weeks now. I feel that he secretly wants me to beg him to restart our relationship but I feel like some of the other mothers have stated. He has showed me the person he is. He's not worth the trouble. I have a 6 year old that I have been raising on my own since he was born. It's tough but you can do it. My son is proof that I can do it again. However, I'm getting my tubes tied just to make sure that it doesn't happen a third time lol.

20thirteen

lrubin2 said:

I'm in a similar boat as you. We were engaged and everything. He pushed me to set a date for the wedding. He wanted a family so I agreed to get off of birth control (bad decision). My ex left me when I was 6 weeks pregnant. A week late,r just my luck, I realize I am pregnant. I tried to talk to him and tell him about the baby for four months and he ignored me the entire time. I sent emails of doctors appointments and ultrasounds and everything. I hoped the entire time that he would just support me as the child's father. I wasn't even pushing a relationship. I finally had enough and hired a lawyer to start the custody and support paperwork. We go to court next week. He has finally started calling me and actually asking about the baby for about two weeks now. I feel that he secretly wants me to beg him to restart our relationship but I feel like some of the other mothers have stated. He has showed me the person he is. He's not worth the trouble. I have a 6 year old that I have been raising on my own since he was born. It's tough but you can do it. My son is proof that I can do it again. However, I'm getting my tubes tied just to make sure that it doesn't happen a third time lol.

It's weird when a dude pushes for a family and then panics and runs from it.  Not uncommon, but weird.  My BD initially left me because I told him I didn't want to have kids. We got back together and I got pregnant and then he totally flipped to "I CAN'T BE A FATHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!".  

Good for you for not going back to that.  Once a BOY shows his true colors, it's hard to go back to that with a sane mind.  High five, mama. You got this!