Feeling defeated...

WaitingMay14

Today was just a bad day.

A little background 28 years old actively TTC for 13 months with DH 10 years married 3. Ironically practiced safe sex for fear of getting preg when "we weren't ready". Ironic isn't it. At 7 months TTC I sought a RE I just knew something wasn't right.

Diagnosis endometriosis and low amh or "old eggs". Totally defeated then. Lesson learned seek help early if you think something may be wrong and trust your gut.

Fast forward 13 months of testing, every possible lifestyle change,vitamins and two unsuccessful iui cycles with 100 mg clomid, ovidrel and iui on day 11 and 13.

Today was my last and final iui my RE didn't want to go past three and thought moving to ivf would be more successful. The trouble is I have NO insurance coverage for fertility. Apparently my employer does not have any fertility coverage so I'm self pay. Who could possibly pay that amount up front ? This is quite possibly the most difficult thing I have ever had to go through. Some days are better then others depending on the recent "when are you guys having a baby", "I can show you some tips", "you would make great parents". These comments make me wanna scream but I choose to keep our business private as I don't want to hear others opinions or judgement calls.

Today I went for my last check up to start clomid. If things couldn't get worse I have 6 cysts so my RE cancelled my cycle for fear that my ovaries could twist. I am on a rest cycle with no exercise, sex or heavy lifting.

I begin testing for ivf specifically the saline test to make sure the insides are the "ideal environment". I do this not knowing if we can actually carry thorough with the ivf because of finances.

I'm sorry that this sounds like a rant but today was particularly difficult. I thought maybe someone could share their story or learn from mine.

For those of you who are ttc maybe a month or a few months "get real" if you hear from your Dr everything is ok and your bloodwork and ovaries are functioning as they should be grateful. I take it as it comes because there can always be things that are worse. I know one day I'll have my miracle child and for now I take it one day at a time....

Thanks ladies you are an abundance of support and all of your anecdotes and helpful advice has been very helpful in my journey.

Beegey33

I am so sorry for your frustration and hate that insurance doesn't cover meaningful things like this.

YouHadMeAtMeatTornado

So sorry for what you're going through!

andrea0418

I'm so sorry

RNMegan0711

Reading posts like this really puts a lot into perspective, IMA. 

I'm sincerely sorry for everything that you and DH are having to go through, I can only imagine the frustration and heartache.

FX crossed for you. You'll get your miracle baby! 

kbailes12

Whoever told you that you have "old eggs" at 28 needs to be punched in the throat.

WaitingMay14

@kbailes12 my re said that but he originally said low amh and then explained that it's "old eggs" because my ovaries were functioning like someone in their 40's. Prob not the best word usage.

WaitingMay14

Thanks ladies. >:D<

MagicMikki

@WaitingMay14, have you checked your PMs recently??

WaitingMay14

Ahhhh no. I'll look now. Ty @MagicMikki

PibbleMom

I have nothing to add, but I'm so sorry for what you're going through.

SandiaPinaMama

Aw, @WaitingMay14 , I'm so sorry you're having a bad day. Creepy internet hugs!

Crowqueen03

Sorry to hear what you are going through Good luck on your journey and i hope you do get your miracle baby!

tgrlily287

I'm sorry you're feeling defeated. Sometimes insurance is just the worst!!!!

vampbride99

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I really hate how insurance is set up in this country!
>:D<

Mamabeagle

That really blows, especially the comments always bringing it up when that is the last thing it sounds like you want to think about right now.

I never understood how hurtful those comments could be until we started ttc, and anyone who has ever ttc or had a mc, child, etc should know better than to say those things to another woman.

Quazel

I am so sorry you are going through this. Please don't apologize for feeling badly, life is definitely not going your way right. Now. Best of luck with your next step.

paigeed

@WaitingMay14 I'm so sorry you are having to go through all of this. I can't imagine how difficult it is for you.

Thank you for your words of advice though. Keep your head up, even though it is hard right now.

Creepy internet hugs..

LoveLucy0413

Hugs to you Hang in there girly. This journey can suck at times but you always have us to talk to

WaitingMay14

aw thanks ladies. It really means a lot. I guess you have to roll with the punches. Thanks for the hugs.

march2008

I can relate to feeling defeated. We do already have one child, however, we have been TTC #2 for 15 cycles now. It's exhausting at this point and I feel tired of living one cycle to the next. 

We also sought help before waiting for an entire year, but it was because we suspected issues on DH's side and we were correct that there was an issue with him (this was not the case when we were TTC #1).  Anyway, despite the medication he's been on for 6 months now, we still haven't been able to conceive again and really the only issue they can find going on is slightly low morphology (like only 1% under the "normal" level). All of my testing came back OK.

We just had our first IUI last week, so I'm just in the TWW right now to see if that worked. My insurance covers some of the prescription medications used for the treatment of infertility, but it doesn't cover IUI, let alone IVF. So far this month, I've paid $812 out of pocket to the RE! #-o I just had my progesterone checked the other day, so I'll still have one more bill this month for that.

My RE didn't mention how many times he would recommend we try IUI, but I don't think I can fathom taking out a loan to pay for IVF. I think I might be more inclined to seriously consider that route if we didn't already have a child.

I was just wondering, have you tried Femara with the IUI? It seems like some have better luck on Femara versus Clomid and vice versa.

WaitingMay14

No. I could discuss it with my RE. Thanks. Sorry you has to go through the same thing fx it works for you.