I'm back (loss mentioned)

Davie813

So this whole pregnancy has been a little uncertain--the betas were a little low; the HB showed up a little late...then my second ultrasound last week showed slow growth and an enlarged yolk sac, and my RE was pretty sure it wasn't viable.  

Yesterday, after a 5-hour insurance claim nightmare (which I spent a lot of holding in the 32 oz of water they had me drink for the pointless abdominal ultrasound they insist on due to "protocol" before the insurance fuckup got underway) a missed miscarriage was confirmed.  I'm OK, because I knew it was coming, but it looks like I'm back.

I have 4 blasts leftover from this cycle, and will be doing two more retrieval/freeze-all cycles, CCS testing of everything, and hopefully an FET in December or January.  So I'm here for awhile.

I'm also really not pleased with my RE's handling of this whole thing (or the American medical insurance system in general, but that's another post).  I think it might be time to shop around.

So, yeah, hi again.

CTinNV

I am so sorry. When you feel like sharing, I'd like to hear more about what happened to you. (((Hugs)))

fuzzbumble

I hate that you're back. I'm sorry.

Davie813

CTinNV said:I am so sorry. When you feel like sharing, I'd like to hear more about what happened to you. (((Hugs)))

OK.  Long story, though!

The RE's office did tell me, before my last visit there, that they were planning on doing my discharge-to-the-OB apt that day.  I assumed that was contingent on their finding a viable pregnancy on the ultrasound, and I was pretty sure based on the previous u/s that that wasn't going to happen, so I didn't have an OB lined up (the one who delivered DD had moved on to a different provider group, and I didn't have time to deal with Blue Cross).  Actually, though, my insurance cuts off services with an RE after any heartbeat is seen--which they only told me at that last appointment.  I understand that they need to get paid, but I have a thick file with them--they've made a lot of money off me, and I don't think one more ultrasound would have broken the bank.  Or, if they couldn't have done that, maybe a reference to an OB who was currently seeing patients, with an explanation to that person of the situation, would have been nice. But it was basically just "sorry, good luck with that miscarriage thing, don't let the door hit you."  So, I did spend hours on the phone dealing with my insurance, then hours locating an OB who could see me quickly, then hours trying to explain what I needed (a followup ultrasound--this still seems like it should have been a simple request).

So, the appointment rolled around, and despite my many phone calls, the ultrasound had not been scheduled.  The OB ordered it himself, but I couldn't get in for a couple of hours.  Meanwhile, the OB's office had coded it as "supervision of a normal pregnancy," so my insurance wasn't approving it and they couldn't just do it and bill after the fact.  We went back and forth about that for another hour or so, while I was seriously near tears from having to pee so badly (the 32 oz of water they had me drink before finding the insurance error).  Finally they took pity on me and recoded, and I got the abdominal ultrasound the water was for (the tech admitted that of course they can't see anything that way at 8 weeks, but it was protocol).  The tech refused to tell me anything at all, including whether there was a heartbeat, and didn't even tell the doctor, until he got the report this morning (there wasn't, obvs.)  She just passed on (through him) the information that there was no growth.  And they kicked DH out of the room for the dildo cam part ("because it's internal"--yes.  Wait, what?) even though he'd taken off work to be with me.  We'd also had to pick DD up from daycare during the delay so we wouldn't have to pay the late fee, so she was crying because I couldn't hold her, and we all just had a really good time.  I was at the hospital from 1:30-6:00 pm.

Then I went home an had cold cuts and buckets of wine (and we considered trying to find unpasteurized cheese, just for the hell of it) for dinner. Uggghhhhh.

tl/dr: I should have been more proactive and asked more questions, but I think my RE was kind of heartless.  

jeannaqueena

OMG I am literally pissed for you!! I can NOT tolerate Drs who are just so business orientated that they forget their patients are real people (who have to pee and even worse the waiting for an u/s limbo). I have had more bad u/s than good ones. Seriously, I would buy us all a machine if we were close enough!! DH even found one on EBay once!

I am so so so very sorry for your loss.

jen4ny

I'm sorry @Davie813.

Frenchteachermama

OMG this is just horrible. I am so so sorry. We are here for you ((((hugs))))

ellebelle2384

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry for your loss and to see you back here.  (hugs) And a big F U to your RE and insurance company.  I have Blue Cross too and they suck.

Jodee37

noooooooooooooooooooo  

oh sweet lady my heart goes out to you.

annibes

I'm sorry, Davie.

CTinNV

Thank you for sharing the whole story. I am speechless. That is absolutely totally crappy. I'm glad you are ready to kick your RE to the curb. I would question everything about that practice after something like this. I hope you have more options in your area.

So are you going to have a D&E so you can get testing? What comes next?

Please keep us updated. We are here for you.

1983Lindsey2

I am so sorry for your loss. What a nightmare with insurance and the doctors offices to boot. Big hugs! I am sorry you are back here.

NB817

@Davie813 I'm so very sorry you're back here. Sending you much love and hugs. Oh and a throat punch to your RE and insurance company.

Flamingemu

I am so sorry. That whole thing is awful.