TTC After a Loss

Should I switch doctors?

Hi everyone,

I went to the doctor last Thursday for my 2nd ultrasound (8wks), and the heartbeat was gone. I was there the week before and the HB was low, around 80, which is why they had me back a week later. I'm frustrated because after the loss i did a lot of reading, and it seemed pretty likely with a HB that low that a MC was imminent. My doctor had just said perhaps I was not as far along as we'd suspected, and let's check again next week to ensure it's growing at a healthy rate. Of course it wasn't exactly what i wanted to hear, but didn't really leave the office concerned. Got my first US picture, and called family to announce the news that I only had to take back a week later.

Of course no one wants to have their doctor giving them reason to be concerned over every little thing that's most likely nothing, but it seems to me as though she most likely new this would be the outcome, and gave no warning? I feel like i want a doctor who is going to be very honest with me, not nervous about my feelings.

Does anyone else think she should have been a little more open about the likely outcome? Other than that she and the office have been ok, and are really convenient for me, but I just don't want to go through a situation again without knowing what the doctor knows or thinks.

Thanks for your thoughts.

Me - 29 / Him - 41
Married Since October 2010
TTGP Since August 2014

Re: Should I switch doctors?

  • There is no way for her to know that you are going to miscarry; if she told you that at your last apointment you were going to miscarry, you would have left feeling heartbroken which may have been for no reason. Your dr did exactly what she should have done. You would have been equally if not more angry with her if she had said you are goong to misscarry and didnt becuse of the unnecessary stress you had to go through.

    That said if you are looking for a reason so switch drs you dont need one. Just switch.
  • kimey1kimey1 member
    I dont know the specifics since Im not a medical professional but if you feel like that Id switch doctors trust your gut. It's really important for me to be able to trust the doctor so if I felt the way you did, i'd look for a different doctor as well.

    When I went the doc (also at 8weeks) said my body was beginning the miscarriage already - no heartbeat, the lining of the sac was not round anymore, and bleeding had begun internally.
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  • I'm surprised if it came off as though I'm just looking for a reason to switch. It's actually the opposite. I'm not looking to be alarmed over everything, but such a low heartbeat at 7 weeks should have been more of a red flag.
  • @kimey1 I'm so sorry for your loss. It's devastating. I think I may tell the doctor how I felt and see how she's responds. If I'm not happy with the answer, I'll start looking for a new doctor. Thanks and good luck!
  • @colleenmanning I didn't mean to be insensitive, what I was saying is it's not uncommon for dates to be off. It sounds like your dr expressed some concern by asking you to return for a follow up one week later. If you like your dr I hope you feel comfortable talking with her about your concerns. Mine is very abrupt and straight forward which I like, but she rubs some people the wrong way because she isn't a hand holder. You need to find the right relationship you need.
  • I'm pretty much the same story. Measured small and heartbeat slower than usual. My doctor kind of let me know something was wrong but didn't say much about miscarriage.
  • @valleric so sorry you went through this too. I'm looking forward to TTC again after a normal cycle or two. Good luck!
    Me - 29 / Him - 41
    Married Since October 2010
    TTGP Since August 2014
  • RyanVoRyanVo member
    I am sorry to hear what you went through.  I had a similar experience.  I had my 6 week ultrasound and was given a picture of the baby.  Saw the doctor the following week and was told everything was fine.  At about 9 weeks, I started bleeding.  Went and had another ultrasound that showed no heartbeat.  Went to see the doctor immediately after the ultrasound only to be told the the heart rate at the 6 week ultrasound was 80!  This happened around this past Christmas.  I remember sitting in church so happy that I was pregnant and going to be a mom.  But if the doctor would have done her job, I would have known that this was most likely not a viable pregnancy.  Granted there was nothing the doctor could have done to prevent my miscarriage, I lost all trust in her because I feel like she missed the low heart rate and only realized it when I miscarried and she went back to look at my 6-week ultrasound.  Maybe next time there will be something that she will miss that would require an intervention by the doctor?  So...I am taking this as a learning experience.   Unfortunately I miscarried, but next time it might be something life or death when I am 9 months pregnant that the doctor would miss.  Needless to say, I have switched OB-GYNs.  Good luck!
  • For me, how she handled it is just a tiny, tiny bit off from what I would have liked to see. After she explained that you might be early, I would have liked for her to say '...or this baby might not make it and the best way for us to find out is to wait a week and recheck.' However, how she handled it is absolutely common, and there are so many worse responses from docs out there. My first 2011 loss at 10 weeks showed a lack of HB measuring at 6w2d, the doc said that he was "100% positive everything was just fine" and I couldn't possibly have my dates right (I was temping) and left the room. Then the nurse came in to draw the first of repeat betas, she was sad and sorry for my loss. He was just chicken shit and didn't know how to deal with loss. He refused all my calls after that and 100% of my substandard care was orchestrated by the nurse. So, I wouldn't change, but I would probably mention to your doctor that in the future you prefer data-heavy straight-shooting from your doc, and not withholding worrisome news for fear for protecting you.

    As an aside, do not feel bad about having told your family! Losing a baby is a painful traumatic experience and you deserve support. If you lost a close family member or friend, wouldn't you turn to your family for support? You shouldn't have to feel shame or feel the need to hide that you have had a loss, or regret that you had to 'take back' the happy announcement. Let your family celebrate the news and mourn the loss, both are important because your baby existed and not just to you. Silence and stigma have traumatized women for generations. There should not be a need to wait to announce until the 2nd trimester, but there still is because that's what our own mothers were taught by their mothers. Very few moms my mother's age ever admitted even to their own children that they had miscarriages too. Usually women find out their moms went through it only after they have a loss themselves and their moms tell them in a hope to help them feel better. My mom lost my eldest brother to pre-term birth at 26 weeks decades before 24 weeks was considered viable and before they had NICUs even. She broke the mold and was open with us about the death of Glenn. It was incredibly empowering for her and she taught me that loss was to be talked about, that women should never suffer in silence simply because it makes others uncomfortable.

    All advice given based on lengthy personal experience.

    I am not a doctor, I just have a working medical vocabulary.

    Always available to answer questions about loss, infertility, and TRP.

    imageimage

  • I totally agree with @MrsGargoyle about being open about miscarriage. I don't like the stigma or the fact that I didn't know how common it was until after it happened to me. (When I told people, I found out about 8 miscarriages in my extended family, in addition to others.)

    With that being said, I still prefer announcing just to my close family at first. I told friends and extended family after I miscarried. I've heard stories about people being congratulated on their pregnancy by people who hadn't gotten the update. I would rather give the news all at once and avoid that.
    TTC#1 since Jan 2015
    BFP 2/19/15  •  MMC found at 9 wks  •  D&E at 11 wks (age 36)
    BFP 8/29/15
      •  CP (age 37)
    BFP 11/18/15  •  DD born at 41 weeks <3(age 37/38)

    TTC#2 since May 2017
    BFP 10/18/17  •  MMC found at 8 wks  •  Misoprostal at 10.5 wks (age 39)

    BFP 2/16/18
      •  CP (age 39)
    BFP 4/13/18
      •  CP (age 39)
    BFP 5/07/18  •  MMC found at 10.5 wks  •  D&E at 11.5 wks 
    •  Testing showed it was a girl with Trisomy 22. (age 39/40)
    9/5/18 Diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve (4-5 follicles, one ovary had none and was very atrophied)

    RE says the low egg count is likely causing my recurrent pregnancy loss. Less eggs results in more aneuploidy.

    BFP 9/24/18  • 
    CP (age 40)
    BFP 5/11/19  •  Fraternal twins  •  MMC found at 10w5d (Baby A 6w, Baby B 10w)  •  Misoprostal at 11 weeks (age 41)













  • I totally agree with @MrsGargoyle about being open about miscarriage. I don't like the stigma or the fact that I didn't know how common it was until after it happened to me. (When I told people, I found out about 8 miscarriages in my extended family, in addition to others.)

    With that being said, I still prefer announcing just to my close family at first. I told friends and extended family after I miscarried. I've heard stories about people being congratulated on their pregnancy by people who hadn't gotten the update. I would rather give the news all at once and avoid that.
    I absolutely understand just telling close family first! We did this as well. Reviewing my comments, I realize that I was thinking close family and close friends, but didn't express that clearly.

    All advice given based on lengthy personal experience.

    I am not a doctor, I just have a working medical vocabulary.

    Always available to answer questions about loss, infertility, and TRP.

    imageimage

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