Pregnant after trying 5 years and giving up for 3 - 35 next week.

PhoenixRyuu

I won't go through everything, but I started TTC in early 2007 after delaying for 1.5 yrs while my husband went through some treatments for his spine and after 5 years of trying with and without medical intervention with multiple losses, we decided to stop when I turned 32 for a variety of age and risk related reasons and ended up stopping a few months early after our last loss. 3 years went by with no pregnancy, and then this winter I became very unexpectedly pregnant. I am now 16 weeks and out of miscarriage risk, so I am trying to take baby planning a little more seriously, though it is hard with all the changes we made believing we would never be parents. Of course my husband (about to turn 37 in July) and I are excited about this long-awaited event, but I'm scared as well. He's disabled with severe disc degeneration in all levels of his spine, I work a manual job now which I prefer, but had given up while TTC and we never really planned to do this when we were this old! We'll be in our 50's before our child is 18! Since I can't change the facts, I figured I would ask those who have been there if you have any advice for us. I feel like I'm starting this chapter of my life a decade late, and am at a loss.

Guennie

First of all, congratulations! I am very sorry for your losses and understand all too well the toll that takes.

You are not as "old" as you think. I had my daughter at 40. There are several of us in our forties actually on this board and although we do think about the challenges we are so happy to have our lovely little miracles we don't dwell on the numbers.

My advice to you is this- don't get sucked into the age related fear thing. Just appreciate the joy. You are not old, you can do this and you will be just fine. In some ways you will find your age and experience will make you a more confident parent. Go with the flow and let yourself celebrate instead of focusing on the worry. It all goes so fast, enjoy every minute!

Geeps2

I agree with Guennie.  I am 41 with a 3 year old and 1 year old.  I didn't meet my husband till I was 35 and we got married before I was 37.  I got pregnant right away with my 1st but had a miscarriage then went on to have my daughter and then my son.  I was not ready to have kids until now.  I don't even think about my age.  I believe you are as old as you feel and I don't feel 41...not that I know what 41 should feel like.  I just keep moving and I won't allow my age to slow me down. Kids just want to do things with their parents and know that they are loved.  I have no issues keeping up with these 2 crazies and they keep me young!!!

My kids are secure, their needs go before my own and I am in such a great place I am glad things turned out the way they did.  If I was 20 something and had a kid it wouldn't have been good.  I had a lot of growing up to do and a lot of non-kid activities to get out of my system before they came on the scene.  

Enjoy this awesome time and congrats!!!

rspalding001

Congrats!!!! I had my first when I was 35 and while I was (and still am) tired a lot of the time I dont think its anything every other mom goes through and feels even the younger ones As far as being in your 50s when the kiddo is 18 dont sweat it too much, 50 is the new 40 right? ha ha ha. Age is just a number and your kid will keep you young :-)

In regards to your job let your employer know any concerns you might have about doing manual work while being pregnant. Hopefully they understand and work with you during your pregnancy. I would think they would be understandingg, I hope so anyway.

I understand your concerns about your husbands physical issues. You will just have to find a balance that works for your family, and maybe with the back problems it will mean he does not do any heavy lifting but that dosent mean he cant participate in a lot of other ways. try not to worry about it too much. Things have a way of sorting themselves out. 

So happy for you! Good Luck!

Designermomma

Eh I'm about to be 37 and considering having another kid. I'm not worried about how old I'll be later. It seems most people are having kids later in life now. I'm actually in the young bunch of parents when I go to school functions surprisingly. You'll be more established and have more income and time to devote to your little one. I spent time with my aunt this weekend who is in her 70s and does Yoga and Zumba and she had more energy than I did. It's all in your attitude and how much caffeine you drink LOL! I wouldn't worry too much. My dad has back issues they have fun playing games on the Wii or watching movies. He can throw a ball to my youngest and he'll bring him things and think it's the funniest thing ever. He doesn't even get up most of the time and the baby just adores him.

mattandlora

I'm 35, almost 36, with 2 kids under 2. DH and I haven't decided on a 3rd or not. We're giving it until the youngest turns 2 to decide.

The age 35 was made the cut-off for advanced maternal age back in the early days of amniocentesis. It was still a risky procedure at the time. However, at that point, age 35 was when the risk of amnio complications became less likely than the risk of having a baby with Down's syndrome.

Now medicine is more advanced, but we never lost the arbitrary age cut-off. There is no magical increase in complications or risks which happen at 35. It is a slow and steady change in risk. So much of that is genetic and based on underlying medical conditions anyway.

An OB once told me that 30-40 was the ideal age, psychologically, to have kids. You're in a better place financially, more settled, and more confident.

And congratulations!