Tantrums

pigglet00

Hi everyone!

I'm not on the bump often but I was constantly on during both of my pregnancies and while my kids were infants so I know you all have great advice!   Ok, so my daughter is going to be 3 in June.   She used to be the sweetest child.   Not so much anymore.... the tantrums she throws are EPIC.    I mean this kid can turn on you at the drop of a hat.   Sometimes I can see why she'd be upset but other times, she melts down if you even look at her wrong.    I feel like I am literally going out of my mind.    Here's an example for you all:   this morning, I go in her room at 6:30 because she's calling for me.   She goes over to her closet because she wants to pick out her own clothes (this is new as of yesterday) and she picks out a sleevless, sun dress.   We live in NJ and it's not sundress weather yet (only going to be 64 today).  So, I tell her "no, that's too cool to wear today but you can wear either of these 2 dresses" (and I pick out 2 dresses for her to choose from).   Immediate melt down.   She starts screaming, throwing herself on the floor, pounding her feet.  After 10 minutes of trying to calm her down, I had to leave the room.    It took about a half an hour for her to calm down and she's still in her pajamas.  I'm sure when I try to dress her this will happen all over again.   This is just one example because it's fresh in my mind.    I also have a 14 month old son who is getting less and less attention from me because my daughter is a full time job.   She is zapping all of my time and energy and I just don't know what to do anymore!   I will try anything.... anyone have any great toddler tantrum solutions?!?!

MrsStanger

F.O.L.L.O.W.I.N.G. our DD is 2 and we are in the same boat. killin me smalls. killin me.

Perfect Sonnet

I think tantrums are something that are worse in some kids than others and also something you just have to ride out.  My daughter will be three next month and is also a huge drama queen.  We have had many similar experiences to the dress thing you described above.  Depending on the circumstances, mostly time, we handle them a number of ways:

1) Ignore.  Let her scream and roll around on the floor.  Usually once she is finished, she will tell us she is done and we move on from whatever threw her into it in the first place.

2) If we are in a rush in the morning, I will usually let her wear whatever the heck she wants since it is not worth the fight.  However, if it is a weather thing or something similar, we usually have to force her to get dressed.  Which is not pleasant for anyone.

After all tantrums have passed, we talk about the need to be a good girl, be nice to mommy and daddy, etc.  People keep telling me three is worse than two for all of this, which is not exciting.

Bigboobsmcgee

I have to laugh at your example you gave because toddlers are so out of control with their tantrums. Have you not been around other toddlers or talked to other parents with 3 year old's?! Check out "Reasons My Son is Crying". Kids are weird dude.

My son will throw a 20 minute tantrum because I gave him the applesauce that he ASKED FOR but decided he didn't want. He will throw himself on the floor over that. It's ridiculous, yes, but little kids don't have control of their emotions and everything is the end of the world.

You have to  decide what you can ignore and what you need to power through and make happen. If we are just at home and DS does this crap, I just walk away and ignore the tantrum. If we have to get out the door and he won't get dressed, I physically make him (or I count to 3 which works almost every time). The counting works for us because we have taught DS what he needs to do over and over again.

Tantrums don't bother me because they usually can't be avoided and aren't even rational most of the time. Not listening to me is something entirely different.

 

Bigboobsmcgee

Perfect Sonnet said:

I think tantrums are something that are worse in some kids than others and also something you just have to ride out.  My daughter will be three next month and is also a huge drama queen.  We have had many similar experiences to the dress thing you described above.  Depending on the circumstances, mostly time, we handle them a number of ways:

1) Ignore.  Let her scream and roll around on the floor.  Usually once she is finished, she will tell us she is done and we move on from whatever threw her into it in the first place.

2) If we are in a rush in the morning, I will usually let her wear whatever the heck she wants since it is not worth the fight.  However, if it is a weather thing or something similar, we usually have to force her to get dressed.  Which is not pleasant for anyone.

After all tantrums have passed, we talk about the need to be a good girl, be nice to mommy and daddy, etc.  People keep telling me three is worse than two for all of this, which is not exciting.

I was so sick of hearing that but sadly, it's SO very true.

Ya Never Know

We went through that with DD around the same age, and I was losing my mind. I was given good advice which really worked for us, and it was when DD goes in to a full tantrum we would calmly repeat "I can't talk to you while you're screaming". When they get in to a tantrum like that, you just can't reason with them.. it's like they are not even on planet earth anymore. We would wait out the tantrums which in the beginning would be up to 1/2 hour of screaming, and every few minutes we'd just repeat "I can't talk to you while you are screaming". When she would finally calm down and we could get a word in, we'd tell her we could talk when she was ready, and she would come to us once she'd calmed down. When she was calm, we could then talk about what happened, and she would usually tell us what upset her, then we'd explain to her why she couldn't do what she wanted. After about a week, when she realized she wasn't going to get her way, she eventually stopped having such terrible tantrums. She still has them every now and again, but nothing like before.

pigglet00

Thank you everyone!   I am just seeing these responses now because I guess I don't get notifications anymore when people respond and I thought I got no responses, lol.  I am in la-la land these days.

This is very helpful and I although I sympathize with you mommas of drama queens, I am kind of glad it's not just my kid!!   I, too, have heard 3 is worse than 2 and I'M SCARED!!!

mummytobe3

I have a three and a two year old and it is darn hard work. I constantly have two whiney children when they don't get their way. I have seen me in a rush to get the girls dressed and out the door only to dress the younger dd in a pair of stripey tights because the older dd didnt want them UNTIL I had my younger dd dressed in them!! It drives me crazy. Also I put exactly the same food on the same designed plate just to have one of them flipping out over which plate to get. Ooh and now my youngest dd has decided to use the potty by herself my older dd thinks it is a competition haha. My only advice is to get a huge cupboard with chocolate and ear plugs haha ... only joking, I'd advise if you can see something which is going to cause a tantrum up ahead, try to diffuse it by distractions or make it into a silly game, eg you are NOT going to wear THAT dress (the one you want) and 9 times out of 10 you get your way. Also in a full blown tantrum the child is so frustrated that they refuse to listen to anything you say, just let them tantrum it out then give affection and let them know its okay to be frustrated but there is other solutions. Good luck x

rmckenna

Like others I just let my son have his tantrum, if we're at home he can cry & pound the floor all he wants.  If we're in public we leave.  He doesn't really have them in public though - thankfully!  After he calms himself down he comes over, we hug it out & talk (as much as a 2 year old can) about what made him upset.  I've learned to just let him wear what he wants - if it matches, bonus, if not, at least he has clothes on, right?

I keep hearing that 3 is worse than 2 - I'm getting pretty tired of it - I know 3 can be worse...let me wallow in the frustrations & enjoy 2 while he still lets me baby him sometimes.