Making new mom friends as an older mom?

thinkpink101

I have been thinking about this a lot lately, it's been 12 years since my first pregnancy and we had the twins within 18 months of our first, so the moms I met then all have tweens now. I'm going to need to meet some new mom friends to bond with over this LO, but how to go about it? I feel weird being so much older than most moms of little ones, though in my area people do tend to wait longer to have children so maybe it won't be that big of an issue. I don't know how much my 27 yo self would have had in common with the newly turned 40 yo me if that makes any sense. Any ideas for meeting other older moms?

jerseygirl227

I have no ideas, but I am so glad you brought this up!  Most of my friends in AZ are childless or have children from a previous marriage that are on their way to college.

My high school/facebook friends also have kids going to college.  And some of these friends are grandparents already.  So, yeah, I am feeling very lost/alone in that regard.  (Probably explains why I am on here so much, lol.)

niknak1208

This is a hard thing for sure. I'm 37 and I'm a lot older that a lot of the moms at the school.  I feel like I sort of got lucky because when my son was little he went to a home daycare and there were 3 other kids in that daycare who have been in school/daycare with him consistently and still are.  Both of the moms happen to be older than me.  They're both 40.  One of them has a 7 yr old and a 5 yr old. The other one has a 7 yr old and a 2 yr old.  Our youngest is 2 until this one is here. So I'll still be the only one with an infant really but at least their kids are still elementary/daycare stages which makes it nice. Mostly our play dates are with them.  They also both work at the same hospital as I do and one of them works in the same building.  Our older kids are in sports together and our younger kids are in daycare together.  Aside from that I mostly talk to/hang out with a small group of friends from high school that are still close.  One of them is childless but is a teacher so she enjoys being around our kids.  The other is my exact age and has a baby under 1 yr.  Another one has a 2 yr old. I feel really fortunate to have them because you're absolutely right..  the common ground is just totally different for parents in their 20's. 

sidey1

I struggle with this, I joined a local mom's group with my first pregnancy and it was nice to have an outlet in the first few months of DS being with us, initially there were a few of us over 38'ers but I noticed the other older mom's sort of disappeared pretty quickly and I had a hard time relating to the younger moms and couples.  I live in an area with ALOT of older parents and I work with a few too, but it's still hard at times to feel bonded to anyone.
DS has friends at daycare and we've hung out with the parents once or twice and it was fine, I wish that MY friends had kids, I'm the only one is our group and it's tough. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything at all, but they're all busy traveling and going out ect and haven't spent as much time with DS as I imagined they would before we had him. I've been told that as DS gets older, we'll make more parent friends because of sports and other activities, so I'm holding out for that, lol. We're thinking of moving to the burbs and quite honestly I'm freaked out because I'm afraid we'll be even more isolated!

KateLouise

With my first pregnancy we took an antenatal class and a group of us became friends. The age range was 20-39 (10 couples) and the only ones that didn't really become part of the group of friends was the 20 and 21 yr old.

I think the two younger ones found it hard to relate to us "old ones"

Antenatal class turned into coffee groups once the babies were born, and 5 years later we still have girls nights out, and catch ups with the kids.

supersarah77

When DD was born I joined a new moms group through a local hospital. I figured I'd be the oldest mom in the room but went anyway. I'm glad I did because I was wrong - there were several new moms over 40! Luckily, the facilitator sent around a sign-up sheet early on to form an ongoing play group for once the 6-month group was over and someone volunteered to make it into a Facebook group. We started having play dates and communicating via Facebook while the group was still going so we bonded. Two years later we're still going and many of us are expecting our second kids.

Also, many of my friends waited to have kids, too, so they're AMA moms. However, there's something more bonding about having kids the exact same age so they're hitting developmental milestones around the same age. For that reason I'd recommend joining a new moms group (even though you aren't technically a "new" mom, it's been a while, and we have one of those in our group, too ).

jerseygirl227

I just joined two Meetup groups in my area ... one for moms over 35 and one for moms over 40. 

The over-40 group looks like it does less than the over 35 group.  And the over 40 group looks like it's more for play dates.

The over-35 group was very welcoming and encouraged pregnant women to join. They seem pretty organized, too.  They have a few events a month and want new members to come to one within the first 30 days so they can be sure they don't have any stalkers out there.  (Makes sense.)  They charge a $15 a year membership, which I think is okay.  Will likely try to do a brunch event in the coming weeks and see what I think before paying the fee.

mindaa

@jerseygirl227
If you look back at the phx boards, there was gal in your area. I exchanged a brief pm with her and she said she was pretty involved in a mom's group. She left an email address, name was Libby something I think.
I'd look it up if I wasn't mobile, sorry.

mindaa

My prob is as much geographic as anything... We live impractically far from most parents in our current circle and even our church. (And jerseygirl, haha )

So, my plan is to stalk mom's at the local playground once LO is here . I do also like the Meet up idea, though.

KaLikeAWind

I'm worried about having this problem, too. I live in a small town and I don't see hardly any pregnant women, let alone women that don't look 10 years younger than me. I'm hoping that I can meet some people during my hospital tour / childbirth class early next month, and will probably see them again at our baby care class the following week. I also plan to join in on lap-sit events at the local library, hopefully there will be some ladies there I can get along with

jerseygirl227

mindaa said:

@jerseygirl227
If you look back at the phx boards, there was gal in your area. I exchanged a brief pm with her and she said she was pretty involved in a mom's group. She left an email address, name was Libby something I think.
I'd look it up if I wasn't mobile, sorry.

Thanks.  I'll check it out!

BAYOUWIFE

With my DD I was a FTM, over 35 and moving to a new state, so I feel your pain. Definitely try searching for Mom's group, Meetup, MOPs, Church and in my area there are even FB groups to try. GL.

Peach&Dan

I'd love to find a group of moms over 35 in my area but there are none. I don't have any friends who have kids and because of that I feel very alone at times. My husband is the greatest, most supportive man I've ever known but there are things as first time parents that we just don't understand and I never feel like I have enough time to ask my OB anything. I'd love some girl talk every once in a while.

BAYOUWIFE

I wanted to add, while on our hospital tour, we learned there is a mom's group that meets there monthly too.