Hard to deal with others pregnant

mamasnowwhite

i just found out we lost our baby and already it's hard for me to deal with my other friends who are pregnant. If it were just one I probably could, but I have SIX pregnant friends, one of whom I will now have to cover for at work when she takes her maternity leave (we were 4 weeks apart, and I was supposed to have mine first.) this is just awful and unfair.

KMKaiser07

I had a hard time when new babies were born. I found it helpful to just be honest with the people and tell them what I was going through and feeling and that is why I wasn't initiating meeting their baby or checking in on them. Maybe you could do something similar and express that is why you may not hang out as much or talk about their pregnancies. Explain that you love them and are happy for them but it's currently too painful for you.

So sorry you are going through this. It's so hard but I promise it does start to get a little easier.

yl1m32015

I'm sorry, I know it's tough

bntfroggie

My sister-in-law is pregnant, she is due 4 weeks before I was supposed to be.  For Easter I got to stare at her baby bump at church because instead of wearing a dress that might hide her baby bump because she has had 2 miscarriages and knows how hard this is for someone in my position, she choose to wear a really tight shirt that showed off her baby bump.  Honestly I may just be selfish in thinking she should think about me when dressing in the morning if she is going to see me, but I wouldn't think she wouldn't flaunt it in front of me knowing that I'm having a hard time.

I also know a lot of pregnant friends right now and people who just had babies, I unfollowed them on Facebook until I can handle seeing their posts.

MayBeSomeDay16

i miscarried last night and my Dh and i are leaving for vacation with another couple who are 20 weeks along and obviously very joyous. i don;t want to even be around her and afraid i'm going to freak out on her. Not that its her fault but its going ot be very hard.

HaddisMommy

mamasnowwhite said:

i just found out we lost our baby and already it's hard for me to deal with my other friends who are pregnant. If it were just one I probably could, but I have SIX pregnant friends, one of whom I will now have to cover for at work when she takes her maternity leave (we were 4 weeks apart, and I was supposed to have mine first.) this is just awful and unfair.

I'm so sorry.  We experienced a stillbirth last year and were devastated.  I worked with 2 other pregnant women, one of whom was just a few weeks behind me.  (that horrible girl would rub her belly at me and smirk, she was hateful and I could never understand why).  Then when I returned to work 2 weeks later two other girls came to me and confided that they were also expecting!  My sister-in-law was due around the same time and we had thanksgiving and christmas.  I worked in a restaurant so there were always pregnant customers and customers with tiny babies.  Everywhere I turned there was some pregnant chick shoving her baby bump or living baby in my face out of spite (at least that's how I felt).  It was terrible. 

Babies would cry in the dining room and I'd rush to the bathroom or waitress station in an uncontrollable fit of tears.  The other waitresses would coo and rub bellies.  I grew bitter and resentful, then I was mad at myself.  I decided I had to be happy for them; after all, what happened wasn't their fault.  (Except the bitch who kept rubbing her belly at me and smirking, I never got happy for her.  She was inexcusably rude.) 

My husband and I ordered matching necklaces that had our son's footprints, his name, and the date of his delivery.  I wear that necklace proudly, he is my son even though I don't get to watch him grow up or hold him again, and I share him with everyone.  Once I accepted his death I was able to accept others' pregnancies and be happier for them.  My soul still aches, but it gets a little easier.  Not much easier, but just a little, and that helps.

If you cry or are hurt or don't want to talk about baby stuff, you don't have to.  You don't owe anyone an explanation.  That's what everyone told me, and for awhile I didn't.  But talking about it and and acknowledging it helped. 

tkedwards13

We are going through a loss and I have to agree. I am getting so tired and annoyed to see the pregnancy notices. My best friend is expecting again, and don't get me wrong...I am very happy for her. But when is it going to be my turn? I guess we have to take it one day at a time. If it is meant to be, it will be.

nerdymama15

Right there in a similar boat.   It is so hard.  It feels like your are caught in the middle between being devastated and not wanting to seem mean to the friends that are.  Seems like several of my friends on FB had babies this week so it is bombarded with baby pics.  Then for whatever reason, not really sure, my bff decided to post pictures of her baby and her when it was born on FB.  Keep in mind her baby was born over a year ago.   I don't really understand why she did that now of all times.  But anyway.  Sorry for ranting.  Hugs to all and I hope we all get sticky babies soon. 

thistle8677

I'm humbled and in awe over all of you. Such courage and inner strength. I don't know why I'm having another loss, but I'm absolutely relieved I'm not alone.

mamasnowwhite

thistle8677 said:

I'm humbled and in awe over all of you. Such courage and inner strength. I don't know why I'm having another loss, but I'm absolutely relieved I'm not alone.

We're in this together. Honestly reading others' posts in this forum has been the only thing that has offered any kind of comfort. I now know that miscarriage is something you can't understand until you've lived through it, and I'm so grateful to be able to open up here

birdieMila

I totally understand
Someone from work did an abortion at 5months ! She already know it was a boy! 5 months ! Wow, in our country they don't do that so she traveld to an other country to do the abortion.
Then 3 months later.. She was pregnant again. She said now i want one ... Now im ready.. So she immediatly tried again after her abortion.
totally don't understand her. Then why did you the abortion?!
My due date was one month later then her.
I think im gonna get so crazy if i see her.
Best of all. She know i was pregnant, 5 minutes after i told her i had an MC she posted things about her pregnancy on facebook. How rude

mksfav

I had a MC last week, so I had taken some time off but today was my first day back to work and a few of my coworkers were aware of the situation. So not only am I in physical pain returning to a very demanding and stressful job, but then I'm wielding 'how are yous' and 'there will be another ones' from those I told. Then somehow the word got out and others I don't particularly care for at my office, (nor who want to know a thing about my life) are offering up advice for the next one. As if I could have/should have avoided this somehow!?!
Just when I think that has got to be all for today, there is no more I can handle at this point...... my aunt sends me a text letting me know my cousin in AK has just given birth to a boy.
I am getting ready to send back the kindest response I can muster up, as I am thrilled for them, but I'm secretly thanking God she didn't send me a picture of the little guy because my heart would break, and my entire family is aware I just had a MC, and that's when I get the pic.
I barely made it to the stairs before the tears started gushing. She sent me the pic again a couples hours later, stating she could remember who she sent it to.....
I don't even have words for the shock and hurt I feel. Though it may not have been intentional, I am aghast at how incentive people can be.
Thank you all, for sharing your stories and the support. I look forward to being able to come to a place where there are others I can relate to during this time.

uwodahikamama15

Wow. That's just horrible!!! People can be just AWFUL.
My doctor told me a couple weeks ago I was going to lose this pregnancy but I chose to wait and get a second opinion and hope for the best. But I think I'm currently miscarrying.... Feels and looks like I'm starting my period. It sucks.
Then I'll have to tell all my clients and endure their remarks, fantastic....

youenjoymyself

It really is hard!  A guy I work with just told me that he and his wife are expecting a baby boy.  Of course, I burst into tears in the copy room.  He was very apologetic and hugged me while I cried and told me they had lost two pregnancies before this one.  He had no idea about me, so I can't blame him.  I'm just ready for it to not be so difficult.  I'm ready to feel happy again and to smile.