Miscarriage questions

thepanicos

How does one not cry when people ask you when you're going to start having children? I miscarried at 7 weeks. My hubs doesn't want me to even mention it to people. He doesn't understand the concept of being pregnant I suppose. How do you properly grieve if you have to keep it in?

PugsandKisses

I think it gets better in time.

Personally, I would just cry. In front of them. I would make them feel bad for asking, and maybe they will stop asking such a rude question.

I am sorry for your loss.

cards10

@thepanicos everyone handles loss differently. Maybe your husband doesn't want everyone to know but if that's what you need then you need to reach out for support.

The exact same thing happened to us, my husband wanted to keep our losses private but I just couldn't. I found myself being very emotional about little things and I am not usually a very emotional person. I decided to tell a few of my friends and close coworkers and I was surprised with the level of support I received from everyone. I was able to talk about my grief that my husband didn't seem to have to deal with in the same way. It also gave those people a sense of my struggles and they have been very supportive even after I got through the worst of the grieving process.

I'm so sorry for your loss, I hope you find the support you need! People on this site can definitely help but you may also find that there are some people you know who have gone through the same thing and can help you through it. Best of luck!

cards10

Afterward, my husband told me he was glad I talked about it. He said he noticed a change in my attitude over a few weeks! So I'm sure your husband just wants what's best for you and will realize that may not be the same as what's best for him

terime

I'm the first in my friend group to start TTC so I told my friends about my MC (after I finished my private grieving). I figured if anyone else goes through this I'd want them to know they are not alone and could come to me if they needed. Everyone was very supportive and I asked them to not ask for future updates about conception, that I would tell them when I was ready.

Edit: right after my mc basically everyone on my FB got preg which was pretty devastating while I was grieving. Shopping for baby shower presents was also tough.

4N6s

You can mention it to whomever you want... There's no reason to keep it in.
It's hard... It really is. I'm 6 months post miscarriage and I still cry almost every time I talk about it.

I'm sorry for your loss and hang in there.

GoodSuri

For me it helped that a told my sister and my dh's sister. I need more support and they were amazing. Someone flat out asked me if i was pregnant bc i wasnt drinking for a while and i almost lost it. I just walked away. I feel like miscarriage is such a closeted convo. I am about two months post miscarriage and i dont plan on hiding it if people ask. It was my pregnancy and its about of my journey...i will cherish that pregnancy and any others..mit shouldnt be kept in the dark unless you choice for yourself thats what you want.

yl1m32015

I tell people when they ask. I can't pretend my baby didn't exist. My baby was real and they died. So whenever people pry and ask, I don't care if it makes them uncomfortable, I tell them. Everyone so far has really understood.

thepanicos

Thank you all, and I'm sorry for all your losses. I ended up telling one of my close girl friends (who has two little ones) and she's been supportive. I had a break down in Babies-R-Us. I was shopping for my niece and this girl, couldn't of been more than 15 was extremely pregnant. I over heard her saying to her friend she wish she never was pregnant and she hates it. All I said was, "I'd give anything to be pregnant. Some people don't have the privledge." I felt terrible after I said it.

emanneyprenger

It helps me to talk about it openly. And I hope that my openness will lead to being a comfort to someone who has to go through the experience- women will know they can come talk to me should they need some personal support. I'm sorry for your loss! I just went through mc #2 last night. It's going to hurt for a while, for sure.

terime

@emanneyprenger I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. My heart goes out to you.
I agree what everything you said.

Jessie42613

To offer a different perspective...

I don't talk about my MC/CP very often.  I'm not ashamed and I don't hide the fact, but I'm also a private person and I don't think anything that happens to me medically is anyone else's business.  That doesn't mean I didn't terribly grieve the loss.

People are naturally curious about whether or not others plan on having children.  I don't think it's malicious, but I also don't think it's appropriate to turn an innocent "so are you going to have kids?" question into a terribly awkward situation by responding that you just went through a MC.

My advice is to simply smile and say "hopefully someday..."  99% of the time, people will leave it at that.

This type of situation is also why we chose to tell our close friends and family when I became pregnant.  It's harder to grieve when you're grieving in private, and it's comforting to know that if this current baby is not meant to make it to this world, that people know that today she's here and she's real.

ValhallanFury

I'm sorry for your loss. Just like any other loss people grieve differently. You should do what you need to do in order to grieve. If you need to talk about it, then that's what you should do. Again, I am so sorry.

Louser2be

Praying for all of you! I had a mc at 4 weeks and I'm doing better now(2 weeks out) but it still sucks and I'm sure always will. Here's to all of us getting pregnant and having our babies soon!!!!