here is the scenario - thoughts?

njbride0603

Last night while I was reading to my oldest child my youngest (3 yrs) was in her room. My H came up and I heard him asked him if she wanted to read and she said no. He then asked her if she wanted him to do a magic trick and she said no. She said could she please just watch a dvd? I hear him say to her I'm telling you we will read and you need to listen and do as I say. She came running to me saying she didn't want to read or do magic tricks and just wanted to watch her dvd player. So my question is do you force her to do one of the two things that were suggested or just let her watch the dvd player? My husband thinks that she needs to listen and do as she's told b/c he is in charge and not her....I do think she should get a choice and also to pick my battles...its bedtime and she's been at daycare all day and is tired.  thoughts? opinions?

Thanks!

CaniacMom

Part of it depends on what your usual rules are on watching DVD's.  If there are no restrictions I can understand maybe she wants to unwind and watch it instead of interacting with Dad.  

njbride0603

there are no restrictions unless its taken away for bad behavior which it was not....

2-Step

You do have to choose your battles with your kids, but you also have to choose them with your husband. If your husband chose that battle and wants to stick to his guns on it then I would let him deal with her and say good luck . My husband makes decisions differently than I would, but most of them are small potatoes in the grand scheme, so even though I might think differently, I let it go. It won't hurt her to have him dictate her choices once in awhile, especially when it comes to limiting screen time. Maybe he just wanted to spend some time with her?

mommymegan831

I'm a middle school English teacher, so I am a little bias.  Some nights, if DD was about to start a new video on the ipod or is the middle of a long one, I'll let her watch it instead of read a book, but I really try to avoid it, and when I do allow her to watch the Ipod instead of read, I feel like a really lazy mom.  Yes, my kids are in daycare all day, but I can't be certain about what is going on there.  I ask them about the books they read during the day, and they're usually able to tell me something, but by reading at home I can be sure they're being exposed to vocabulary and reading strategies they'll need to be successful later.

CarrieB.

My kids are home during the day so they get lots of tv and iPad during the day. After pjs are on, there is no tv. Personally I think it makes it harder for them to sleep and snuggling before bed with a book is nice. So I can see your DH's point.

VOR

2-Step said:

You do have to choose your battles with your kids, but you also have to choose them with your husband. If your husband chose that battle and wants to stick to his guns on it then I would let him deal with her and say good luck . My husband makes decisions differently than I would, but most of them are small potatoes in the grand scheme, so even though I might think differently, I let it go. It won't hurt her to have him dictate her choices once in awhile, especially when it comes to limiting screen time. Maybe he just wanted to spend some time with her?

I definitely agree with this. 

But I really do not agree with your DHs attitude.  I mean, yes, as parents we are in charge and that's important for our kids to understand.  But to make a stand on this because "I'm in charge" seems silly.  HE also need to pick his battles.

There are times that I give DS 2 specific choices because there is a reason behind it.  Like if he wants a snack, I'll give him 2 healthy options and if he asks for a cookie or candy, that's a big ole no. 

But if I"m giving him 2 choices just to throw some ideas out to him - which is kind of what it sounds like your DH was doing - if he says something else entirely, unless there is a compelling reason NOT to, I say "yes".

DS KNOWS I'm in charge.  I think it's important to also give kids a feel of independence and choice too.  They need to feel they have a say in their own lives.  I think to throw out "i'm in charge" over small, inconsequential issues really dilutes the true concept that we ARE in charge. 

amzmullis

This reminds me of a story from my childhood:
I was about 7, and my mother said, "Don't you want to go clean your room?" I, of course, said no, no realizing she was not merely suggesting but was trying sweetly to tell me to go clean my room. Well, my gma, who was with us told my mom she couldn't get mad b/c she asked me if I wanted to.

I think if your hubby had said, "You have two choices: we can read a story or do a magic trick." It would have been a worthy battle. However, since the questions were yes/no, according to my gma, she's within her "rights" (lol - as I type that) to say no to both and offer her own suggestion.