Pregnant after a Loss

When to tell the family your expecting after a loss

MirandaC1984MirandaC1984 member
edited March 2015 in Pregnant after a Loss
We told our families very early with our first pregnancy that ultimately ended in miscarriage. It was pretty devastating for everyone since this is the first baby on both sides. We're nervous to share the news this time around. How long did you wait to break the news?


Ummm. I submitted the Poll accidentally before I had finished editing and now I can fix it. Help please?
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When to tell the family your expecting after a loss 59 votes

Early in the first trimester (BFP-8 weeks)
28% 17 votes
Late in the first trimester (9-12 weeks)
28% 17 votes
10-13
20% 12 votes
13-1
22% 13 votes

Re: When to tell the family your expecting after a loss

  • We told some people as soon as we found out, but my partner pushed me into telling my mum who said "tell me again when you're more pregnant" and I wish I'd never told her!
  • @maanda, some people just have no idea how to be supportive. I suggest telling her that she hurt you, and pointing out that you told her so that she could be supportive of you if you lost another child, not so she could make a production over waiting to see if she should get excited..

    All advice given based on lengthy personal experience.

    I am not a doctor, I just have a working medical vocabulary.

    Always available to answer questions about loss, infertility, and TRP.

    imageimage

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  • I've had two previous losses, one at 8 weeks and the second at 20 weeks. I wasn't able to tell anyone about my 1st pregnancy. Reason is because I had the ultrasound done on Thursday, miscarried Friday. The second pregnancy, I told everyone after 12 weeks. But like I said, I lost Levi at 20 weeks...devastating. I am not expecting and I havent told a soul other than the dad. You wouldn't believe I'm 18 weeks 2 days! Lol I am not saying anything until I am 21 weeks!
  • There are too many variables to check one box.  My MIL is awesome and amazing, and she herself had a miscarriage before having her son (my husband).  If she was living here locally, then I would likely tell her right away and benefit from all that support.  Since she's across the country, I'm waiting to tell her after the 1st trimester ... although my husband wants to tell her asap, so we may compromise and do it at the 8 week ultrasound.

    As for my family, they aren't as supportive and are big gossips.  I told my mother not to share the news last pregnancy, and she told some extended family anyway, making it all the more uncomfortable when I had to report the loss.  However, my mother is coming next week and the news will probably get out. * sigh *

    So my preference is after week 12, but reality will likely be different.
    Married 5-24-2008;
    BFP 4-19-11. Ezri Ana born on due date, Dec 30 2011!
    My Ovulation Chart 
    BFP 10-05-2014; MMC 11-15-2014.
    BFP 02-17-2015
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I've had two losses, with my first I told everyone, and even announced it on facebook we lost him at 20wks. The second one I only told our close relatives when I was 9wks and I lost baby at 12wks. With the third one we again told only close relatives but not until 13wks, I haven't announced it on facebook or anything, those who know are supportive and we are having complications so I won't be letting more people know until after he is born. I wouldn't take what people say to heart, alot of the times they don't know the right thing to say and sometimes they do.. unless they've been through it it's hard to know what to say or how to act.
  • I had a late miscarriage last year and this pregnancy I was so scared every day I would lose this one too. I had complications starting around 12 weeks...so I waited until I felt more comfortable, which for me was 32 weeks. I wore a big jacket in the office and no one knew until I revealed it. My advice, tell people when YOU are comfortable...whether it's early or in your third trimester or not at all.
  • My philosophy is tell anyone early that you would want to talk about a m/c if it did happen. I m/c at nine weeks in November and for the most part I was happy with my choices of people to tell. Mostly immediate family, close friends, and my boss. Do whatever you are comfortable with!
    Me: 33, DH: 32  
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie Maternity tickers
  • We're going to be 13 weeks on Friday and are telling family then. We had a great NT scan and things are looking good for this pregnancy. Thanks guys!
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  • We told our family and a couple of close friends...all people who we will tell if something goes wrong anyway. Otherwise we are keeping it to ourselves until we know all is well.
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