PSA for in-laws/grandma's to be

slipsintothesea

https://www.scarymommy.com/10-tips-reasonable-­law/

I found this article and figured I would share because it seems a lot of us have a mil who should read this.

slipsintothesea

Mine has already violated 2, 6, and 8. She refers to my baby as "our baby" which really pisses me off. I had a dream last night about her first visit to the hospital to see baby boy and in my dream I told her off for calling the baby hers. She also is setting up her own nursery and got a car seat base for her car. She lives 20 minutes away and I am not going back to work so she will not be watching our baby full time...this really creeps me out.

Cadancetyler

Thanks for posting! Especially number 6 and number 9.

keifekm

My MIL bought a crib for her house but I found it helpful for when we come visit. I think the difference is she lives across the country and not 20 minutes away. That is a little disturbing!!

She also doesn't pull the "my baby" crap.

Good luck to you! It sounds like you have your hands full!

houser1406

Oh, I wish I could print this out and mass distribute it. But then feelings will be hurt and people will cry blah blah blah. Spot on!!

slipsintothesea

@keifekm If she lived across the country I wouldn't be so creeped out by it. Even if she lived an hour away like my parents do I would even be fine with that! Plus, I had an argument with her about how you wash baby sheets around Christmas time. She told me I should only get white sheets because you are supposed to bleach them.....nope.

@houser1406 I have not figured out a way to give this article to my mil without it causing a problem. Lol, she NEEDS to read it.

kjuryfl

This is a funny read! My MIL has a bedroom outfitted for my daughter and it was such a blessing. She recently upgraded the full bed to bunk beds in anticipation for the baby (obviously he won't sleep on there for awhile but she wanted to plan ahead). My MIL babysits often and my daughter spends one night a week over at their house. It is nice not having to lug a bunch of stuff to and from each time she goes over there and it cuts down on the toy clutter at our house since I send some toys to my in-laws. They also have a car seat for her in their car and will also have a base for the new baby. I guess it is all about what kind of relationship you have. My MIL isn't overbearing at all so I don't mind the help.

amt725

Ohhhh my MIL only didn't apply to #1 and #7! We have fought this fight for all 4 years of our daughters life. She works with kids getting adopted so she just assumes she knows all. No matter how many times we confronted her she never listened! One nice part of going through a divorce, she won't be my problem anymore! :o3

juliaandpatrick

How do I nicely get my mom to read this?

slipsintothesea

juliaandpatrick said:

How do I nicely get my mom to read this?

Lol, I am wondering how to nicely get my mil to read this.... if you come up with an idea please let me know!

astrat017

Me too. Everything on this list caused fights with my mom when I had my son. Not to mention her general overbearing nature. I had to be blunt and hurt her feelings a few times over and now she's coming to stay with us for a week with baby 2 and nothing has changed! I told her that by the end of the week not to expect me to be all sunshine and rainbows and she was like how come? (Seriously woman my kid is 3 it wasn't that long ago that we had these tough talks). Phewf I needed to get that out.

RSupry

This doesn't really apply to my mom or my MIL, but my sister is the worst for pulling that "my baby" crap. I hate it and it irritates the crap out of me. My son is 16 months old and she does it all the time. I just know she will do it this time too, it makes me want to slap her. I've told her repeatedly I don't like it. Apparently since we are family she thinks we have some kind of baby sharing thing. She either says "my baby" or "our baby", last time I checked she wasn't there when either of them were made!

Sorry that has been bothering me forever, needed to vent.

Edited b/c it turned my mom into my mommy, and it would just be creepy if I still called her mommy.

Pix3lle

4,7 and 8 seem applicable. I wish i could give this to my mother without linking it to her directly!

-She makes judgements in front of me about my brother's parenting on things that i intend to do (like letting baby have a bottle in bed when he's old enough) and she KNOWS i intend to do that so it just seems passive agressive.

-Anyone who asks about the name when i'm with her she shouts out 'Teddy' (which is his nickname) and then i correct her with 'Edward', which then leads to her saying how much she doesn't like the name. Every time.

-And 8 is just a general rule of my house, we've had druggies at our door before so we don't answer the door unless we know someones coming and has informed us ahead of time. Once she came at 10am and i was still in bed from lack of sleep (oh the bliss of school holidays!) so she shouted at the door for a bit and then went to the back door which is RIGHT near my bedroom window. And didn't seem to understand why i was so angry.

I apologise that this turned into a vent!

RedOblivion

Oh my gosh my MIL with my first born was seriously psycho! She had a whole mess of children she didn't take care of before getting a hysterectomy out of medical necessity and I felt like she never accepted that she couldn't have more kids. She always called him "my baby," showed up at the hospital after he was born without warning, took him from my arms, and wouldn't give him to me so I could nurse him when he started to cry. Anytime we'd go visit her, she would take him into her bedroom and lock the door and was begging to let him stay the night when he was less than a week old. I put my foot down and refused to go over there. The relationship with his father has since ended and I am so glad. It was terrifying, it felt like I was living The Hand That Rocks The Cradle.

slipsintothesea

@RedOblivion that is seriously creepy! I would definitely be pissed if my mil just took my baby from my arms and wouldn't give him back or took him in a room and locked the door. I think I would lose it on her! Glad you got away from that craziness!

musicmamma2015

Posts like this make me so grateful for my mother and mother in law who are wonderfully helpful but careful not to step on our toes or each other's. Of course they live about 7 hours in opposite directions.... That may help

slipsintothesea

@musicmamma2015 My Mom is wonderful! She is very helpful and definitely not pushy at all. My mom will be the one coming to stay with us for a week after baby boy is born. I wish my mil lived 7 hours away!

clare2582

I have a co-worker who calls it "our baby". It infuriates me!!!

dangott

YES. THANK YOU!!!!! Mine goes as far as to say things like, "you need to have our baby now... I want to hold him." B**** back off!

slipsintothesea

Omg, the closer I get to my due date the more I debate emailing this to my mil. The whole "our baby" thing is getting out of control. Today I corrected her and said "my baby." I don't think she got it. Also, she is apparently stocking up on baby stuff. She will not be babysitting any time soon if ever because we can't even trust her to listen to us about taking care of our dogs. She definitely will not be driving my child around anywhere. She is a terrible driver and that is when she makes her phone calls for the day. She has also started calling me everyday. We have NEVER spoken that often. I ignore her calls most of the time because she calls to talk about nothing. I think she is just trying to make sure I'm not in labor and leaving her out of anything. Ugh....back off!

amylueken

My in laws never understood following #8 and still dont! They don't think it applies to them. Let's just say if this happens again and I'm su re it will it won't take but 1 time for bitchy daughter in law will come out..

heather369

Oh my gosh, the input on the name! When my husband told his mother what we planned to name our baby, her response was "You can't name her that!" He chose a name that was very significant to him, and she knew this, but she didn't think it should be important enough to name your baby after. I could barely keep my mouth shut and let him handle it! She actually tried to rope me in, too, saying that I couldn't be okay with it, and I was quite happy to respond that I understood its importance and was happy he felt our daughter was worth the name. Later, when we chose her full name, MIL insisted again that we couldn't name her that, this time because she didn't like the initials. Woman, we most certainly can. In fact, we can name her Pinecone if we feel like it. Hate it.

amaryxmas

I get it.... Grandmas can be obnoxious. Maybe you should be happy they care about your baby or that they're alive and well. It all comes from a place of love anyway.

slipsintothesea

@amaryxmas I am going to assume that maybe your child is not going to have their grandma and for that I am sorry. However, as thankful as I am that my child will have both sets of grandparents it doesn't change the fact that my mil is disrespectful to me and overbearing. Even though it may come from a "place of love" it is still frustrating and at times upsetting and I, as well as several ladies out there, are allowed to vent about it.

amaryxmas

You are definitely allowed to vent, really just a reminder, maybe even just to myself as lately I find myself getting overly sensitive about people / situations where the intentions are certainly good. That being said I know some of this behavior is downright selfish / inconsiderate. My own mom isn't around and breaks my heart but I'm sure I'd feel the same way.

BabyIxolib

Ohh the name..: before we settled on a name my MIL made the comment that we needed to pick a saints name, and I knew the middle name already wasn't, I gave her a warning "well I'm not sure what we'll pick and I never had a saints name" (and I turned out alright). Thankfully we picked Charlotte and although there isn't a st. Charlotte it is considered the feminine version of Charles who is a saint. If that's what her son needs to tell her so be it.
She also will NOT be driving baby.

slipsintothesea

Ugh....just dreading seeing my mil today. I have to reinforce the no social media or mass emails rule again today. And, so help me if she calls my baby "our baby" today because I am already in a mood and will go off.

jacquelineemma

I don't have a mother or mother in law problem. I have a SISTER problem.
She comes over uninvited and constantly wants to touch my stomach. Literally.. constantly.
And if he's not moving around she will push down or tap to try and get him to move!! He kicks me in the ribs and he finally stops moving and I get some peace and she does that just for her own pleasure then I have to deal with the pain!! She says she is moving into our spare room to "help" because apparently I will "need her help so much" coming from a girl who does not have children and hasn't even so much as held a baby in probably 8 years!! ... But apparently "i need her"
she also keeps suggesting stupid names. At first it was funny but now won't stop. I've said no social media and she won't agree. Everything with her is a nightmare

Quendi

I got lucky, (in a sad way), my overbearing/crazy mil had a falling out with my husband right before I got pregnant, so the most I've dealt with her is the two times she brought her cat into my vet clinic. Those were... Interesting. She openly sneered when I told her we were having a boy, said she'd "try to get over her disappointment that its a boy" as she was leaving, and has apparently been buying baby stuff (her SO and I talked on the phone a couple times. He's a great guy), even though she hasn't lifted a finger to repair the relationship with her son, which is a prerequisite for being around the baby. I'll spare everyone hearing the rest of my issues with her. Now i just worry about my fil (who is currently living with us until such time as we all deem it "not working"). He can be passive-aggressive and doesn't always listen to us when we tell him the rules we have for our dogs... Guess it could be worse, though!

nbmelendez

My MIL made a nursery in her home for baby. It really freaked me out at first.

pittelk

All these stories about overbearing grandparents makes me even more thankful for ours! My son came 3.5 weeks early, and my parents have been great with respecting our space but being available if we need them. My mother in law is a little clingy, but certainly not anything like some of you have experienced.

nelbell1184

This article describes my mother in law perfectly! Ugh

RSupry

It has already started with my sister. My son was born Thursday but she couldn't come this weekend since she's working. Which I'm glad about we need a little time to get settled. But she did text me saying she couldn't wait to meet "our new baby".

kmerkle1

I love this article. Especially #1. She makes it a point to emphasize to KEEP HER UPDATED-meaning let her know what my cervix is doing at all times. I'm sort of a private person and I don't think I need to be texting her every time my midwife checks me. Hubby wants to wait til the baby is born to even call her-which is a little dramatic. I just don't want her to expect to be seeing the baby within minutes of birth. DH and I want our first few hours alone with baby to feed and bond and get from our L&D room to postpartum before we have visitors. Although, my mom and his mom have expressed their dislike for our birth plan. I don't need a guilt trip from anyone about holding my baby. Nobody wants to meet him more than I do, and I feel like they disregard this. Rant over.