FTM Question, but what does it really feel like to first see/ hear your baby?

april20mom

I know women describe how amazing it is and the instant love they feel... I'm not saying I won't love my kid but how realistic is all that?  Is it really like falling in love instantly?  Is there a chance I might be terrified, or depressed, or just simply in pain and exhausted when I give birth?  I'm not a sociopath, and I know I must be connected to my baby in some way already because I've had pangs of terror when I thought something might be going wrong with the pregnancy, but I'm also going to be a FTM and I just don't know what to expect.  I was an only child to two really crap parents. 

MudLover

It's different with every mom and every baby. You might connect right off the bat and you might look at your baby 3 weeks after birth and fall in love. It all depends. 

Sharon&Paul

This is my fourth. I never had love at first sight with any of my kids. At first I actually feel like the baby could not be mine. It is when they start responding back to me that I started to feel a bond. In the beginning it just felt like an object that had many demands.

With your first you do think it will be love at first sight. It is hard to admit when you don't have these feelings, but it is completely normal.

Blergbot

I don't know whether I would decribe it as love at first sight or not. Because I gave birth at 34 weeks, I was not able to hold my baby. I got to see him for a few seconds and hear him cry for the first time. When that happened my heart leapt and I definitely felt something, but it was a very cut off experience for me. I love my baby, and I miss him when I go home for the night, but it's still a very odd situation with him in the NICU. Sometimes it feels like he's not my baby, he's their baby, but other times it doesn't feel that way at all. I guess what I'm saying is that there's no one way to feel, and you probably will have a whole mix of emotions.

Count Choculitis

For me, since I had twins, it was kind of an amazed, awe-stuck feeling. Hearing two babies screaming their heads off wasn't really magical, so much as completely bizarre and unreal. And I also didn't experience love at first sight. You don't really "know" and love them until their little personalities start to peek through.

kjuryfl

With my first it was utter amazement and a new type of love that I instantly developed. Words cannot really describe the moment I saw my daughter for the first time. My husband was video taping and each time I watch the movie I ugly cry with joy. Here is a photo of the moment my daughter was placed on my chest just after birth (not graphic). I was crying but didn't even know it!

Jessie Spano

It took me a couple of months to completely bond with my first. I felt compelled to take care of her, and I loved her, but she kind of felt like someone else's baby at first. I fell in love with my second instantly. I don't know what to expect with number three. It's different for each person and each baby.

court476

Sharon&Paul said:

This is my fourth. I never had love at first sight with any of my kids. At first I actually feel like the baby could not be mine. It is when they start responding back to me that I started to feel a bond. In the beginning it just felt like an object that had many demands.

With your first you do think it will be love at first sight. It is hard to admit when you don't have these feelings, but it is completely normal.

THIS exactly!!!

taramanter

I think I was mostly shocked and unsure of what to feel immediately. A huge range of emotions.

mhickey426

I was shocked and in awe! I actually said "oh my god!" When I first saw her. It was a whirlwind of feelings and emotions. My Dh started balling which was an amazing moment. I felt relief from the pain and pushing. It was so amazing to feel this little baby on my chest after so many months. Then she started pushing and jerking. She was trying to get to my nipple to nurse but I had no clue what was going on so I was confused and scared.

There is no way to know what you are going to feel. Just remember that there is no right or wrong way to feel. There is a lot going on in that moment and after. Don't put pressure on yourself. Just try and enjoy your baby and that labor is over!

colemarie07

It was love and relief I felt when my son was born. I had an emergency c-section and so all I saw was a blue sheet but I heard his little cry and I instantly had happy tears in my eyes and I wanted to just hold him right then. Sadly they didn't let me and I didn't get to see him again until after I got out of recovery.

april20mom

Thanks everyone for your great replies!  I have to say, it was kind of what I expected.  So far my pregnancy has felt surreal, as I'm sure it does for a lot of moms, especially FTM's. 

sschwege

I was excited when both my babies were born, but I didn't feel that instant love everyone talks about and I felt just horrible about it with my first.  I remember looking at DD in my MIL's arms and thinking, "Motherhood is so hard, how am I going to do this when I don't even love my child?"  Then about a day later in the middle of the night it was quiet, DH was sleeping and I was looking at DD's face in my arms and all of a sudden she looked so familiar to me, as if she had always been ours and I fell instantly in love with her.  I still remember exactly how she looked.  With DS I was prepared not to feel that immediate love since I didn't with my first, what I wasn't prepared for was the guilt of feeling as if I loved DD more.  I think with your first, how you feel is how you feel, you have nothing to compare it to.  When you have your second you have already built a strong connection with your first and they give so much, hugs, smiles, kisses and cuddles, then you have this new little life who you just met and newborns demand so much, it's just hard to feel the same connection as you do with your older one, at least it was for me.  But I have two moments so clearly etched in my mind of when I fell in love with DS, I remember everything about where we were and how he looked.  It was hard though, the first time feeling as if I didn't love my baby and the second time feeling as if I loved my first more. 

My advice give yourself a break, how you feel is how you feel.  If you don't fall in love at first, you will and then you won't be able to remember life before your baby, it is the most amazing thing, I'm literally starting to cry just thinking about it.  And for STMs, if at first you feel a stronger connection with your older child, know that that won't always be the case either.  Now, I couldn't pick a favorite even if I tried.  I just love my two kids so completely.  I guess we'll see what kind of challenges the third one brings for me!

lmk115

Thank you for the honesty in these responses. As badly as I have always wanted to be a mother, I don't feel as connected to this pregnancy as I think I should. Don't get me wrong, I'm very excited, it just almost doesn't feel real. Even as I feel baby kick me and I buy everything we need, I can't fully picture myself as "mom". I think it's just something you can never really be prepared for until it happens.

nursemom83

It was magic to hear my baby scream. I was told that there was a possibility that he would not come out screaming and crying because of his gestational age.

But to hear them scream and cry is just amazing. For the first time.

topaz7777

I was relieved that she was ok and that she cried...  at first.  I was definitely not attached to her.  I felt like I was holding someone else's baby for several months actually.  I mean I took care of her and knew she was mine but it didn't feel like she was.  It wasn't until she started to smile at things I would do that I started to feel a little attached.  Later when she would cry and want to come to me I would feel a little more attached.  Each part of her personality development made me more attached.  I'd say when she started talking somewhere around 20-24 months I got very attached and now feel like she's totally mine. 

I mean lets face it, they are handing you a tiny stranger at the hospital.  They took her for a quick evaluation after her first feeding and if they brought me back a different baby I might not have realized it.  She was totally unfamiliar to me for several days before I started feeling like I'd even recognize her in a nursery.

ashleylane66

I felt really connected the first time I held her but after leaving the hospital I had very little connection... I hd very bad post pardum depression and she had caulic and cried all day long... We didn't have a great connection until she was a few months old

Laura22611

Awe.. It is amazing you created this little human! The bonding is not instant but the feeling is incredible- baby is here and healthy!!

mrsmeyer419

I loved reading the responses! It's relieving to know that it's normal to not feel an instant bond. As a ftm I think it's normal for us to worry about how we will feel.