pediatrician choice / joint legal custody

WLJ2

Maybe you ladies here can help me out with this. About a year ago we moved 45 minutes from our pediatrician. In the summer we will be moving into our home about additional 15 minutes all together will be a little under an hour away from the pediatrician. This gas been my sons pediatrician since birth. I would like to consider and look into a pediatrician in our new area. I have custodial custody however we do share joint physical and legal custody. His father is completely opposed to changing his pediatrician. I am the one who takes our son to every well visit, sick visit, dentist appointment or anything else you can think of. I would rather not drive an hour every time he has an appointment when I could Drive 15 minutes for pediatrician in our area. Do any of you have any advice? Or will I have to take him to court in an attempt to change DS' s pediatrician.

sorry about any spelling mistakes or confusion I am using voice to text on my phone.

twister22

Is BD also an hour away from the pediatrician? Or is he still local to it? Just curious. And I'm assuming that you are the CP and BD is the NCP with EOWE?

It does sound like this is a power play on his part. If you are the one who takes DS to the majority of doctor visits (100% in your case) then it makes complete sense to have the pedi local to you. Personally I would handle this with an email to BD with your attorney CC'd in:

"BD,

Now that DS and I will be living in X town it doesn't make sense to drive an hour to Y town in order to take DS to the pediatrician. While I understand that you do not want to switch his pediatrician since he has seen this doctor since birth, I still think it is the best move. I have taken DS to 100% of his doctor visits since he has been born, so it make sense to have the doctor local to where DS and I live. Also, I do not want to submit DS to a two hour drive round trip every time he has an issue worthy of a doctor sick visit as it is not in DS's best interest to have him ride in the car that long when he already isn't feeling well.

I have researched pediatricians in the area and think that A, B, and C seem to be the best fit for us. I have set up appointments with each of those places on the following days and times..... You are welcome to join me and we can select a new pediatrician together.

Thanks,

WLJ2"

I'm willing to bet that he will not be cordial in his response to you. And that's fine. You are showing that you have valid reasons for switching DS's pediatrician, and that you are willing to co-parent and allow BD to help select a new pediatrician. If BD refuses to help select a new pediatrician, then go ahead and choose one yourself. If BD's going to take you to court over this, then you have the documentation to show that you handled the situation appropriately and BD is being unreasonable.

If you do decide you want to go this route, I would check with your lawyer first and see if they think it's a smart move. 

SimpleJane

I completely agree with Twister. Be reasonable, state valid reasoning, move forward.

WLJ2

@twister22‌ yes your assumptions are correct. Expect I am not sure what eowe means. But your probably right I should contact a lawyer and consult them on the issue. I will try the letter but as you guessed he will not respond well to this. She is such a head already as well. His idea of reasonable is driving and hour north every day for DS to attend school near bd house. I dread every semi important decision that needs to be made between the two of us.

twister22

WLJ2 said:

@twister22‌ yes your assumptions are correct. Expect I am not sure what eowe means. But your probably right I should contact a lawyer and consult them on the issue. I will try the letter but as you guessed he will not respond well to this. She is such a head already as well. His idea of reasonable is driving and hour north every day for DS to attend school near bd house. I dread every semi important decision that needs to be made between the two of us.

Every Other WeekEnd

DS isn't in school, right? Wherever you move he will attend the local public school (if you go public school route) since you are the CP.

WLJ2

Thank you for the clarification. and yes he is not in school yet don't start for another year and a half ish. That is what I thought as well. That he wous attend the public school in our district. But his dad is under the assumption that he can only attend that school if we both agree on it because he has joint legal custody. I suppose I should consult a lawyer on that when I asked about the pediatrician as well.

FinallyHappy84

@WLJ2‌ when you consult the lawyer get your state's definition of joint legal custody because in a lot of states it means major decisions that would be life altering to the child. However you as the primary CP make the day to day decisions and shouldn't have to go through this mess every time your DS needs something done. Also to my understanding, your DS would attend the public school district that you live in because you are the primary. If BD doesn't like it, he should be making more of an effort to be helping you out by taking his son to the doctor's appointments and everything else, not just participating in his visitation.

twister22

WLJ2 said:

Thank you for the clarification. and yes he is not in school yet don't start for another year and a half ish. That is what I thought as well. That he wous attend the public school in our district. But his dad is under the assumption that he can only attend that school if we both agree on it because he has joint legal custody. I suppose I should consult a lawyer on that when I asked about the pediatrician as well.

@FinallyHappy84 is right. Joint legal is the major things, not the mundane day to day things. However, I do believe that switching his pedi would fall under the "major" side since it's a medical decision. That being said, I still hold my original position that he is being ridiculous and doing this as a power play, and I would still recommend proceeding with finding a new pediatrician while still keeping him in the loop.

Major school decisions also fall under joint legal, but that's for something such as enrolling your child in private school or transferring your child out of the district you reside in. Since you are the physical custodian of DS, the default school he will go to is the one that YOUR address puts him at according to the district's zoning. So if according to your address DS will go to Sunshine Elementary for Elementary school, then that is where he will go. If BD (or you) want him to go elsewhere, then the two of you will have to agree on that together. If BD thinks you're going to drive DS an hour everyday to go to school then he is out of his mind.