Working Moms

"No gifts please" for a 4 year old's party?

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Re: "No gifts please" for a 4 year old's party?

  • I also hate the "no gifts" request because I was completely burned on this once and felt like an idiot.  It was a party for the son of someone who was, at the time, a good friend.  Since she asked for no gifts, I offered to make some food for the party instead and she speficially requests that I make two different things. 

    So I show up on the day of with food in hand but no gifts, and I go inside to see a huge pile of gifts on the dining room table.  I'm thinking "crap, I feel stupid for not bringing a gift but at least I contributed by helping with the party". 

    Two days later, the friend calls and says "did you get DS the xyz toy, because there were a couple of gifts we couldn't find cards for and we are trying to figure out who they are from."  So then I had to say, "no I didn't get your DS a present because you asked everyone not to."

    She quickly ended the conversation and then I felt even more embarrassed.  So if anyone ever says "no gifts" to me again, I am bringing a gift.

    And I really don't like it when people tell me to donate to a charity or buy a book or whatever specific direction they want to give instead.  If I am buying your kid a gift, then I want to be able to pick it out, and I don't want to donate to a charity for your 4-year-old.

    So I suggest you let people do what they want and then you can choose which toys to donate to the charity of your choice and no one has to know.  The other thing you can do is not give your child all of the gifts at once and save some for halfway through the year since his b-day is so close to Christmas.

     

  • I don't think it really matters honestly.  If you don't want gifts then put no gifts.  If people bring gifts anyway just say thank you and put them aside and you can either have your LO open it later or take it and donate it.
    We've never ever opened gifts at a birthday party.  Honestly, my DD is usually running around playing with her friends and the gifts are usually an after thought anyway.  And this way no one has any idea who brought gifts and who didn't.  Honestly, I think opening gifts during the party is more appropriate for showers anyway.
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  • Late to this party, but I'm on team "No gifts".  I'm a minimalist and a tree hugger at heart. The things my kid gets for birthdays are cheap $15 toys that get played with for 10 minutes, tossed aside for a few months, and then either donated to Goodwill or tossed in the garbage.  Because really, my home can only fit so much, and most cheap toys don't have longevity.

    And this could be unique to DS, but he manages free time better with fewer toys.  We're moving soon, so the majority of our possessions are packed away.  DS has his play-do, his play kitchen, some lego, a few toy trains, and his books. THAT'S IT.  And he's been happy as a clam with just that for over a month.

    Now, my DH and I love to throw parties and entertain. A "No gifts!" invitation says to me, "Please, come, enjoy some good company and some food.  We value your friendship and would love to have you there to celebrate the birthday of our son. We don't want you to feel obligated to spend money on a present.  DS will get plenty.  We just want you there with us."  I can't imagine EVER being offended by getting a "no gifts" invitation.

    DS 11.24.11
    MMC 3.30.16
  • Late to this party, but I'm on team "No gifts".  I'm a minimalist and a tree hugger at heart. The things my kid gets for birthdays are cheap $15 toys that get played with for 10 minutes, tossed aside for a few months, and then either donated to Goodwill or tossed in the garbage.  Because really, my home can only fit so much, and most cheap toys don't have longevity.

    And this could be unique to DS, but he manages free time better with fewer toys.  We're moving soon, so the majority of our possessions are packed away.  DS has his play-do, his play kitchen, some lego, a few toy trains, and his books. THAT'S IT.  And he's been happy as a clam with just that for over a month.

    Now, my DH and I love to throw parties and entertain. A "No gifts!" invitation says to me, "Please, come, enjoy some good company and some food.  We value your friendship and would love to have you there to celebrate the birthday of our son. We don't want you to feel obligated to spend money on a present.  DS will get plenty.  We just want you there with us."  I can't imagine EVER being offended by getting a "no gifts" invitation.


    Lord.

    But the bolded is YOU.  Not everyone thinks like you, which is why these rules (etiquitte) are put in place.  They are to make the general population (read: not just you) feel comfortable becuase they fit the socital norm.

    Look, I live in a tiny 2 BR apartment, also with a baby that has a birthday a few weeks out from Christmas AND is the only grandchild now and for the forseeable future. 

    The overflow of toys she has get left at her grandparents house for her to play with when she is there.  Or they get shared/ passed along/ traded with my mom friends that have similarly aged kids.  Or we donate.  Or I re-sell.  Or I toss them.  There are so many ways to keep your home the way you want it without making people feel gross.  You can't tell people what to do with their money.

     

     

    BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12

    Lilypie - (TUWi)

     

  • I have successfully had a no gifts party. And I have no issue with go to a no gifts party. NBD.

    But I don't give 2 f*cks for etiquette when the result is to throw away, or give away someone's sentiment just so everyone can have a cozy surface moment.  

    I'll establish my own rules and if others are offended they can choose not to come. I'll get over it, the kids will get over it and I don't have to be gross behind someone's back.



  • We did a "no gifts" for DS's 1st bday. I felt really bad, b/c I was super adamant about it (not bossy-adamant, but sincere-adamant) to my coworkers and even let them know that we wouldn't be opening any presents at the party (b/c we assumed they would all be from family and we'd open them separately with just family). Then DH's coworkers bought a bunch of presents and my DH put them on the "present table." Then we did the whole gift-opening thing, b/c it was rude not to open the gifts people brought... A couple of my coworkers brought gifts, but I put them in the back room and they said it was ok to open after the party (which we did). Unfortunately, my DH and I were not on the same page and we didn't get the change to discuss. A bit of a debacle.

    So it burned people who had the exact same intentions we did and that blew.
    One boy (11.26.12) and one girl (2.28.14)
  • We've gotten tons of 'no gifts please' invitations and I always honor them.  After doing endless birthday parties for the last 7.5 years, it doesn't bug me in the least (I totally understand it).   I have DD make a hand-drawn/hand-made birthday card instead, and it's usually received really well (in some cases, better than had we brought a gift).  ;) 


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  • Late to this party, but I'm on team "No gifts".  I'm a minimalist and a tree hugger at heart. The things my kid gets for birthdays are cheap $15 toys that get played with for 10 minutes, tossed aside for a few months, and then either donated to Goodwill or tossed in the garbage.  Because really, my home can only fit so much, and most cheap toys don't have longevity.

    And this could be unique to DS, but he manages free time better with fewer toys.  We're moving soon, so the majority of our possessions are packed away.  DS has his play-do, his play kitchen, some lego, a few toy trains, and his books. THAT'S IT.  And he's been happy as a clam with just that for over a month.

    Now, my DH and I love to throw parties and entertain. A "No gifts!" invitation says to me, "Please, come, enjoy some good company and some food.  We value your friendship and would love to have you there to celebrate the birthday of our son. We don't want you to feel obligated to spend money on a present.  DS will get plenty.  We just want you there with us."  I can't imagine EVER being offended by getting a "no gifts" invitation.


    Lord.

    But the bolded is YOU.  Not everyone thinks like you, which is why these rules (etiquitte) are put in place.  They are to make the general population (read: not just you) feel comfortable becuase they fit the socital norm.

    Look, I live in a tiny 2 BR apartment, also with a baby that has a birthday a few weeks out from Christmas AND is the only grandchild now and for the forseeable future. 

    The overflow of toys she has get left at her grandparents house for her to play with when she is there.  Or they get shared/ passed along/ traded with my mom friends that have similarly aged kids.  Or we donate.  Or I re-sell.  Or I toss them.  There are so many ways to keep your home the way you want it without making people feel gross.  You can't tell people what to do with their money.

     

    new to this side of town...I am on team no gifts. 

    Saying that it's against etiquette to expect gifts when at the same time it is etiquette to BRING gifts to events is absolutely over-thinking it. You're too high on your horse, so come down to reality.

    Just follow the f-ing request of your host and get over it. No gifts = don't even think about it.

    And then just tossing gifts or donating them away immediately afterwards, I think, is even more rude than requesting that you don't get them to begin with. If I found out someone did that with my gifts I would be embarrassed and offended. You may as well give the damn thing back to me if you really didn't want it. If I wanted it donated I would have done that myself.


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