Invite etiquette - out of town family members?

pblge

We're preparing for our shower invite list (first baby), and my MIL, who is very sane and reasonable, sent us a list of several aunts/uncles and other cousins she thought should be invited. They're all in different states, and it's exceedingly unlikely that they would come, although they'd be welcome. It seems like her thinking is just that these folks would like to send a gift. This seems odd to me, so I'm wondering if this is something that's commonly done, because otherwise why would she suggest it? I don't want to be grabby, but I also don't want to insult the relatives who might expect such an invitation.

What do you ladies think?

VOR

They can send a gift w/o an invitation.  I'm very much of the mind that showers are for your nearest and dearest and people who can reasonably come.  This is NOT a wedding and not an event to invite more distant relatives who you don't know well. 

But - I'd also follow your MILs lead.  Thi sis her family.

lovefaithxo

My MIL asked that invitations be sent to some of her relatives out of state because they would upset that they weren't included even though they won't come. I had the same situation with my wedding shower and they did send a gift which was unexpected.

ajacot924

I think it's appropriate to invite them. Let them decide if they want to attend or send a gift.

divinemsbee

I think it depends on how your family, or your H's family operate. On one hand, I'm also totally of the opinion that if someone wants to and intended to send a gift, they will, whether they get a shower invitation or not.

On the other, my mom, and I, are frequently invited to showers and both of us live out of town. Sometimes it can help us decide on visit date, but it's mostly done as a courtesy, which is the norm for our family.

sschwege

Personally, I would just follow your MIL's lead on this one. 

At the shower my mother hosted for me, she wanted all 5 of her sisters invited despite the fact that 4 of them lived out of state.  I figured they were her sisters, she knew best and let it go.  One of her sisters did end up making the trip, my Godmother, so you never know.  I was more vocal about my cousins, since I figured they were closer in age to me and I knew them just as well and asked that out of state cousins not be invited. 

Dannylion24

I'm new to this board, lurking from my birth month, but I don't see the harm of the 'curtesy' invite if that's what your MIL would like. My SIL and both my sisters live in Florida (and we/the rest of he family are in the northeast), but we still send them invitations to all family events and so do my cousins and aunts/uncles. You just never know when one of them might be up for a trip back and I think they appreciate that they are thought of and there's a connection to what's going on 'at home.' People can decide for themselves whether to send a gift in their stead.

pblge

Thanks, all! We checked with DH's sister, who was in this exact position a few years back, and it seems like she did send the invites to this set of people, and most of them sent lovely gifts and notes, and were not offended. In one case we'll likely follow the invite with a note specifically asking them not to get a gift. Otherwise, this just seems to be how their family does this. On my side, my mother confirmed that she's never gotten a single invite from any of my many cousins, so I'll just send one to my immediate family members.

It also emerged that the next etiquette dilemma will concern the birth announcements. Yowza!!!