tantrums parenting

brachysira

Okay, so I have talked to the doctors and Early On a little about the tantrums we were recommended to get help for...  They always want to know how we respond.  When it is going home, bedtime, or a bath she doesn't want to take, we just push through.  And of course, the number one piece of tantrum advice is not to give in, so in these cases, we aren't.  However, sometimes the situation is more like, M, do you want to play with your cars?  And then I get "NOOOOOO"  wah, wah.  So then I usually say, Okay, how about a book?  Or something.  So is that giving in to a tantrum?  It seems like I would be a power crazy lunatic if I demanded we play with cars...  And if I was actually going to force her to play cars, maybe screaming no would be a little more appropriate.   I'd like her to learn that a suggestion is just a suggestion and the stakes are low so her response is too over-the-top, but what if instead I am showing her that an over-the-top response gets her what she wants?

kbates85

Yeah, I've struggled with this too. Actually, I've just struggled in general with how to "discipline" a toddler. It seems like, at least with my kid, any attention is good attention. No advice, just commissary. 

Rosebean

I wouldn't force playing "whatever you suggested" with her either. But I would probably just verbally tell her "just tell mama no when you don't want to play with it". When DS hits if he's mad, we always tell him it's okay to be mad, but not hitting and he goes for a time out. I feel like even at this age, routinely acknowledging their emotions that go with the actions helps them. They just want to have some control over their environment. As she gets older, telling her that getting upset over something simple when she can easily say "no" and move on may help her as she gets older.

fignewt74

I would also recommend the Happiest Toddler on the Block book.  As pp suggests, it helps if you can verbalize what she is upset about.  In your example I would try "I understand you don't want to play cars.  You really really don't want to play cars.  You are mad mad mad about that!"  It seems kinda crazy when you're doing it, but so far I have found that it does help a little bit...

 

fignewt74

And to answer your question, no.  I don't consider that giving in to a tantrum at all.