How involved are you with Baby Mama?

christieb27

Warning- my thoughts are scrambled so this may be confusing- I apologize.

I am very lucky to have the relationship I do with my step son's mom. We have no problems with communicating, we actually do most of the actual talking back and forth. I am just very careful to make sure that my husband is on the same page as me before I make arrangements with her. My husband actually prefers it this way he often struggles with the right words, and they end up fighting even though they are in agreement. (They do talk directly to each other as well)

My concern is that she has been going through a really hard time lately with her current relationship (she has a daughter with him). She has started reaching out to me for help, which is a little uncomfortable. Yesterday she started sending me texts about hating her life, how she is a bad mother and gf. She also said that she put too much time and effort into trying to save her relationship that her she burned bridges with all of her friends and now she has no one.

Yesterday we had the b-day party for SS, I had a couple of friends with kids come that we do play dates with. She brought up the fact that none of her friends came. So my question is do I try to involve her with our play dates? I can't decided if I am opening myself up to future problems or doing the right thing by being there for her. My husband is almost too trusting with me to make the right choices so he hasn't been much help. His only concern is that I don't plan things with her that take up my time with him. (which I wouldn't do- we don't have the same days off so it is easy to schedule something while he works)

My other thoughts have been around trying to find some play groups or something that she could go to and try and make new connections that way...

christieb27

Honestly that is what my gut is telling me too. I just needed to hear it from someone with an unbiased opinion.

I am going to do some research and see if I can find some community play groups or something she can get involved in.

alb2411

I have to agree that having a more personal relationship with the BM could open you up to more harm than good. It's great that you can be friendly, but I don't think you need to be friends, if that makes sense.

christieb27

@alb2411 makes perfect sense!

FinallyHappy84

I agree with PPs and would just keep your contact with her on the level you have now, being friendly about SS and things that go on with him. While it's nice of you to do research to find play groups and such but, IMO she's an adult and if she wants to make friends or re establish old connections she'll do what she needs to. Don't take away time from yourself or family because of choices she said she made.

jr0310

Every time bm has tried to be "friends" with me, it ends up blowing up. Im pretty sure she just tried to be my friend sk she could attempt to manipulate or control me. Sure, my stepson liked when we got along, but it for to the point where I'd be civil to her face and that's it.

Its definitely a slippery slope.

misscarter87

Same here has happened to me before with BM so i totally agree with @jr0310‌ everytime BM and I have worked on a good friendship and be friends it has all blown right up in my face! So definitely take the advice given be civil and be courteous with her but definitely not friends.

christieb27

Thank you ladies! I agree with all of you.

twister22

I wouldn't go that far at this point. It sounds like BM (side note: Baby Mama sounds offensive, BM is for bio/birth mom and the shorthand is easier.) is going through a very rough time and is leaning on you because she doesn't know who else to lean on. When things get better in her life this could potentially backfire on you, and I wouldn't think that is worth the risk.

I would keep doing what you're doing. Maybe offer to meet for lunch or the park with the kids, but I wouldn't invite her into your social circle in case things go sour.

christieb27

@twister22 you are right! Baby Mama does sound offensive! Thank you for pointing that out, I do feel bad for calling her that..

 

christieb27

P.S and for pointing it out kindly