Jumping from nest to bump Update w SD.

justtrish

I started posting in family matters on the nest, will try to post link.

In nutshell: About a month ago my SD(12) was asked to watch/babysit my DS. H and I went out for maybe two hours at max. Just a quick catch up for us. We come home and its crazy town as we walk in the door. So H gets a call from exW that a boy was dropped off at her house and is expecting to come over to our house to spend the night....Um what? nope,nope,nope. Never going to happen. So the exW is upset im upset and H is very upset. Her punishment for lying, and inviting over a boy is no phone for two weeks.

Problem two: H was in her phone and I was labled as Dads dick Sucker. Classy,i know. I vented about all of this in my other posts so  I wont bore you.

OK, so her phone was taken away for longer. Then she refuses to visit we don't see her for a bit. Christmas roles in.

So...she pulls me aside to talk and I just briefly told her this . I have been kind and loving towards since day one. I am not the bad guy. However as loving as I was ,was not good enough. Thus for now I will just sit on the sidelines. This way I cant be good and I cant be bad.

its it flame worthy? maybe. I just had enough. I have other kids to take care of, I have other family members that need me. My career is on lift off and personally I am starting something huge that I have dedicated a year to achieving. (its a group focused on bringing voice to people that are dealing with depression,anxiety, and panic.)   

I don't feel guilty, I feel like my H should have stepped up and helped his family along. Instead he put his head in the sand. So im just looking after me, I don't need a headache. I don't need anyone trying to upset the sanctuary of the house. My DS or my other SS or my H and me. I don't need it. right now I cant handle it, and furthermore its not for me to handle anymore. Its my H's.

clearly this is one tiny moment in time, its built up over years. I just need to create boundaries.

justtrish

https://forums.thenest.com/discussion/12021684/vent-at-the-end-of-my-rope-with-sd#latest

justtrish

https://forums.thenest.com/discussion/12021955/update-w-sd-of-sorts#latest

dmndsr4eva

Yikes, that label in her phone is beyond terrible.  I got to that point with both of my exes kids.  So I can't blame you.  Those relationships did not thrive because dad would not stand up for me to his teenage girls.  Um no, I am not going to be walked all over by your kids.  Good for you for standing up for yourself.  He should have done it for you though.  You need to talk to him.  I made a promise to myself that I will never again date a man with daughters.  NEVER.  After two failed attempts I will not do it again.  Something about men and not being able to stand up to their girls.

twister22

1) Take the phone away permanently. There is no way in heck that I would pay for a phone for an entitled little brat who thinks she can treat someone of authority, especially someone who loves and cares for her, like that. If and only if she can make a complete turnaround (and keeps it up for a good long while) then MAYBE I would entertain the idea of her earning it back, but conditionally and with many restrictions attached.

2) How is SD refusing to visit? Is there not a CO in place?

justtrish

Twister- i don't pay for it, H does. I pay for mine and my DS (its a phone for when he visits his BF ) and H pays for his phone and his kids. I frankly don't care anymore. This happens in cycles every time it gets worse. Part of me feels bad, but the bigger part of me is relieved. She needs a therapist H does not want to be the 'bad guy' and make her go. Oh well, not my kid. I used to fight so hard for her. She needs a parent and between the two that made her she has none. Yes im angry with my H because he does not parent his own kids (rather just his D) im let down. When I met him when we got married he was so immersed in his kids (all of them) now its more important to 'not have drama ' in his life. So don't have drama, but don't expect for me to walk around on eggshells in my own house that I help pay the mortgage for when SD has a hissy fit. NO WAY. im done.

CO- I have no idea, sadly the tension is so bad I rather the tranquility versus having her over. YES its flameworthy. Yes im being shellfish. I also am thinking about my DS and how  obvious it is about how he is affected when SD comes over. She is that out of control.