Iffy Baby shower situation

lacroley90

so my aunts on my mothers side want to throw me a shower. My little man is due feb 20th. Only thing is...I feel like a baby shower is kind of inconvenient. Most of my friends don't live in town. In fact almost all of them live anywhere from an 1 hour to 12 hours away. I feel like if I have a baby shower it will end up being an embarrassingly small turn out.
Is it weird/rude to send out some kind of baby announcement stating when I'm due and where I'm registered...and maybe reveal the baby's name instead of having an actual shower??
At this point it's giving me anxiety.
Any thoughts ? Do people do that??
Thanks!

mandamoochie

lacroley90 said:

so my aunts on my mothers side want to throw me a shower. My little man is due feb 20th. Only thing is...I feel like a baby shower is kind of inconvenient. Most of my friends don't live in town. In fact almost all of them live anywhere from an 1 hour to 12 hours away. I feel like if I have a baby shower it will end up being an embarrassingly small turn out.
Is it weird/rude to send out some kind of baby announcement stating when I'm due and where I'm registered...and maybe reveal the baby's name instead of having an actual shower??
At this point it's giving me anxiety.
Any thoughts ? Do people do that??
Thanks!

Qfp.

mandamoochie

No, it is not something people do.

Beth.1212

Baby announcements should be sent after the birth and should never include registry information. To send out a mailing effectively asking people to send you gifts but not inviting them to a gathering would be pretty rude, IMO. (And it hopefully goes without saying that you would never personally send out a mailing with registry information. However, even if your aunt sent out a note with the EDD, name, and registry info without a shower invite, I'd say it was rude.) 

There's nothing wrong with a small, intimate shower. When inviting people from a distance to a smaller event like a shower (vs. a big one like a wedding) it's totally understandable that many, if not most, will be unable to attend. Heck, even for a wedding, a significant distance will stop some from attending. It's not a reflection of your relationship with those people. I would say that you should have your shower and just focus on enjoying the company and support of those that can make it. 

If you would rather not have a shower at all, that's okay too. 

krysmill

[-X

twinklymama

You should ask the baby shower board...

foxslaw

Lol

foxslaw

You're joking, right?

CogDis

I live away (mostly a 10 hr flight from almost all of my best friends and family, and my DH's family and friends as well). My friend up here threw me a shower and there were only 9 people total in the city to invite and only 7 were able to make it. But it was still a very fun experience that I was grateful for.

I get that living far from loved ones is hard and that a lot of people who haven't experienced it don't understand and take t for granted, but it really is better to make the best of it, IMO. Years from now I'm betting you'll be glad you celebrated your LO and your new step into motherhood.

CogDis

Also, like pp's said, don't do the name announcement-registry thing; it comes across as gift grabby (even if t wasn't intended that way).

CogDis

And, I get that families aren't perfect, but I'd have loved for even a single member of my family to have been able to be at my shower. Not that I'm trying to diminish your anxiety, just thought t might be useful for you to get some alternative perspectives.

firelizard83

I have little to no friends /family here too, so my sister came up with the idea of doing a long distance shower, by mail. Haven't seen the full extent of her plan yet, but she is supposed to be sending me a box with supplies to make a party corner in the house where I can open what people send and take pics to share with everyone. This was all her plan and I think it's pretty creative! Invites just went out, so I can't wait to see how this goes!

erobbins09

Sorry? I'm sure I am hallucinating the whole "hey i got knocked up and now I need free shit.. Buy it here!" Card... Must have missed that section at hallmark.

schnitz9

firelizard83 said:

I have little to no friends /family here too, so my sister came up with the idea of doing a long distance shower, by mail. Haven't seen the full extent of her plan yet, but she is supposed to be sending me a box with supplies to make a party corner in the house where I can open what people send and take pics to share with everyone. This was all her plan and I think it's pretty creative! Invites just went out, so I can't wait to see how this goes!

We did this for one of my BFF's who lives in Miami.  Its a virtual shower.  We all logged into a video chat and played games and sent her gifts.  It was kinda fun.  It was great to be able to chat with friends I hadn't seen in a while.  I even had a few friends of mine over my place so we could all log on together from there and made a mini party out of it.  Some people find this tacky but at the time she had just moved to miami from NH and had no friends or family so this was a great way for us to show her our support.

Alygohome

Oh FFs

CatLadyTX

I know a girl who did this. Every few weeks, she would post a status update reminding everyone when she was due and where she was registered "so if you want to send me gifts, you can." No. I doubt she got much.

KDRichards08

I ran into this problem so I just had my shower after thanksgiving and capitalized on people that were coming in town. You may be able to do thus for Christmas? However there is nothing wrong with a small shower. To help with a better turn out ( I ended up with over 50 people) I sent my invitations from September. A classier way to tell people about your registry is to send out a card announcing the name and a link to your pregnancy blog (if you have one) and have the registry link on there. Most people will call and ask where you are registered anyway

erobbins09

I am having a virtual shower on Saturday that I knew nothing about until a couple of weeks ago.. I'm excited for it and if I get 1 gift card out of it that's more than I expected. I don't get why people get so gift grabby... I'm the other way and have received calls from my mom and sister telling me to add stuff to my registry because it's low/there's not much there/I don't have enough high prices items... It just makes me uncomfortable when it feels like forced generosity... So to go so far as to push people who can't make your shower to get you things anyway is beyond my ability to comprehend.

CogDis

@erobbins09‌

I completely agree. For me, the shower was more about cake (aka celebrating) than it was gifts. I didn't expect or ask for anything.

The gift grabbiness that comes out when some people are having a baby is unappealing, for sure!

ordinary1

Showers are for your nearest and dearest, not everyone you know. You should be grateful for anyone who shows up to your shower instead of being upset over the amount of people. Sending out your registry to people is not a thing. It's quite rude. If a friend sent me one I would feel like a wallet not a friend.

brij2006

It's more embarrassing and tacky to send out a birth announcement with your registry information on it, than it is to have a shower with a small turnout.

jennjilljo

The shower isn't only for/about you. Let your aunt's do something to celebrate for themselves. They're excited. And what everyone else said about the whole gift grabby aspect.

ConstanceGoodspeed

I would rather attend a small shower than a 30+ person shower.

Think of it like a group of family and friends getting together at a restaurant for brunch. You'll sit and talk about names, baby gear, how parenting has changed over the years, and (unfortunately) other women's birth experiences. You'll eat, and people will give you presents. You'll be able to talk to everyone, and really admire and show your appreciation for their gift. They'll help you to your car and you'll be able to have the thank you notes done that evening.

Large showers are awkward, because not everyone knows each other and small talk is tedious. You'll play stupid games, try to catch up with people you haven't seen in a while but will feel pulled in 1,000 different directions. You'll eat, and before you finish it will be time to open presents because of a time crunch. You have to open presents quickly and there is no time to pass around or discuss the cute stuff. You'll get home exhausted, and it will take weeks to get all the thank you notes out.

kayla+harris11

I live 6 hours away from my family. My coworker insisted on throwing me a baby shower, so they are throwing me a baby shower! I sent invites to my family, near and far, and I have already talked to Atleast 10 family members who will be traveling a great distance to be at it (weather playing a huge factor). An invite went to my church and my close friends. More people would show up than you think. But I think in order to ask people for gifts, or just send people registry info, you should have a shower. Let your aunts do something for you! What could it hurt?

HerHighness

Nothing wrong with a small shower

Chcaggie1

I haven't read through all the responses but you mentioned that most o fyour friends live about 1.5 hrs away. Do they all live in the same area as each other?? If so, why don't you go to them?

My family lives in east texas. About 2 hours away from me.  I will be having a shower there so they don't have to travel. :-)