Hurt, offended.. insert all the feels.

littlemissmarla

I am super fucking pissed off. Hurt. Sad. All of it.

Long story short - DH and I ended up inviting MIL to go for DDs pictures with Santa. While we were there she was looking at the photos on the computer and said she didn't like the best one (where she is smiling and the one we were choosing) and asked the photographer if we could take another one. We like it, we don't want another one - but thanks? No big deal was made.

Fast forward to last night where DH was with his brother and brother's g/f and apparently - MIL told brother's g/f that she didn't like the picture of Zoey we chose because "She looked too FAT and she's going to get a complex."

JAW DROPPED.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. My 4 month old baby is too fat? SHE'S A BABY! I know my baby is perfect - that's not what upsets me. I'm upset that she's being talked about behind my back in a negative way, that her grandmother is more concerned about how she looks and shes only 4 months, that she's implying i'm giving her a complex because I chose a picture where she is smiling with Santa.

Background: MIL always says we are going to give her a complex if we call her "Chubby" endearingly. As if we are going to be calling out 13 year old DD, "Chubby."

I can roll a lot of shit off my back. DH doesn't think it's a big deal because he's used to his mom and her behavior/lack of filter. 10 years in - I thought I was used to it too, but this is unacceptable. I don't know what to do. I'm not a confrontational person, especially with family. I'm more passive aggressive - I don't know if this is something to speak up about because If I don't will it just go on and on.

Guess she won't be getting a picture of Zoey with Santa - since she doesn't like it anyway.

JLHV1909

That is ridiculous.  Fat image problems at 4 months old.  I'd make it a point to report the 6 month checkup stats to MIL.  Making sure to pinpoint that Zoey is on track and healthy, etc.  

 I thought everybody loved the little rolls on rolls babies get.  In fact, I even make it a point to take the thick thigh photo each month to track the increase in the rolls.  :-(  

bullybutt

Is she mental?  Fat babies are the best!!!  I call my daughter Fatty Natty and she's not even "fat".  Babies need that squish for fucks sake. I'd make her a big fucking canvas of that picture for her Christmas gift.   

kjskjs

That's absurd! Babies are supposed to have some chunk, it's the best part. DS has the cutest chubby thighs that I call his Chunky Monkeys.

abundancenow

Sounds like MIL is the one with the complex. My lady in laws are all overly concerned with weight and image in ways I hope my dd does not follow. I haven't had any thing come up like OP, but I am anticipating them projecting their body issues on her because all of the females in their family have some issue with food and appearance.

My babies always have the chunk and I always get comments and am proud about how fat and darn cute her rolls are. Once they start moving, crawling and walking, that chuck converts in to energy needed.

KatWAG

I thought thigh rolls were the goal of every mother.

[Deleted User]

I'm sorry your MIL is a douchecanoe. With any luck Zoey in all her toddler innocence will tell her grandma she has a big butt or something one day as payback.

jnnfrrose6

Your MIL is the one with a complex here, and no one else.  Already worrying about your daughter's size (and let's remember, even if she is "chubby" when she's older doesn't mean a damn thing if she's happy and healthy)?  What the absolute hell?  

It may not be in you, but if you feel you can, absolutely speak to her about it.  First of all, it should not matter at all if your BABY is "fat" and to be worried that she might get a complex later in life from looking at her baby pictures is ridiculous.  Secondly, even if she does grow up "bigger" doesn't mean anything if she's happy and healthy.  It is not her place to speak about your daughter's health with anyone but you or your husband.  

Nichole8787

I call my son ham hock....babies are supposed to be fat. It makes them cute.

pjaimeal

If it makes you feel any better, I have major MIL problems. Right now DH is the communicative go-between for me and MIL. We will see how long this lasts.

livkight

I would definitely talk to the MIL. If it were my daughter, I'd feel very protective and want to ensure that sort of talk ended NOW, before your little girl is older and stupid MIL says something to her that triggers negativity toward herself. 

I'm SO sorry that you have to deal with that. I don't understand how some women can be so awful. 

ghostof5letters

I have a personal paranoia with society pushing body issues onto my daughter - I would be livid. 

littlemissmarla

I appreciate all your comments - which seem to be all on point with mine. This totally baffles me, because even people who I can't stand, loathe, people who make my skin crawl, my brain wouldn't even attempt to find something negative about their children. Like PPs said - baby rolls are adorable!?! I guess we are dealing with the real life grinch. 

It's so unfortunate that girls in today's world already have peers and media on their case about body issues that the last place they should have to endure it would be from someone in their family. There are definitely deep seeded body issues going on with her and that's terrible for her BUT your not gonna dump your shit on my kid.

I also find it incredible that instead of being thankful that she is healthy and we can afford to put food in her mouth as opposed to millions of starving kids - she is examining her weight. 

I'm not a disrespectful person and regarding family I always try to do the right thing, so I'm going to wait for the appropriate time to approach this subject. I know I can't protect my daughter from everything in this world, but I can certainly make sure she has a positive body image and an understanding and appreciation that people/babies/kids/animals whatever comes in all different shapes and sizes and its perfectly OK. I didn't think I'd be faced with this topic so soon. 

As stated above, I am quite a passive aggressive person and I don't forget easily - looks like WE'll be late to Christmas Eve dinner, I might not have much to talk about, I could be feeling sick and have to go home early and gotta make sure Zoey is home for her bed time... OHHHHH WELL.

ETA: I WISH ZOEY WAS CHUBBIER! She's kind of long so it's taken a while for her to fill out! Keep on growing pudge!!! 

littlemissmarla

Also, I'm trying really hard not to take it out on DH. I know it's not his fault by any means but I just want to lose my shit on someone. It's a good thing I have TB! 

SuperTinkerham

I would totally pulled MIL aside and said "NO. Not appropriate"

ChrisB

That's absurd! Zoey is an absolute cutie. I would be saying something to her for sure!

Hilee18

Oh come on! That's so ridiculous! A fat complex? Because she looked chubby and adorable in her Santa pic at 4 months? How did she not realize how stupid that sounded halfway through her speech. 

littlemissmarla

Hilee18 said:

Oh come on! That's so ridiculous! A fat complex? Because she looked chubby and adorable in her Santa pic at 4 months? How did she not realize how stupid that sounded halfway through her speech. 

Hahah really, was there a point where she thought to herself.. "wow, this sounds really bad." I'm hoping my BIL's g/f had enough sense to say something in defense of babies and that, ya know they are generally chubby.

TexasGirl81

Perhaps I would send her to her house one day in this....

Seriously though, I have no words for how idiotic her comment was.

blacktie3

bullybutt said:

Is she mental?  Fat babies are the best!!!  I call my daughter Fatty Natty and she's not even "fat".  Babies need that squish for fucks sake. I'd make her a big fucking canvas of that picture for her Christmas gift.   

LMAO  Awesome idea!

honeybee434

Half of DD's nicknames have to do with her being a chunk. She's adorable I just can't help it! If I were you I would go out of my way to use any nickname I could or any reference I could around my MIL about DD being an adorable chunky monkey, chubster, and everything else I could think of. Like over the top about it. I can be kinda b*tchy like that, though, when I think people stay ridiculously stupid things. I would be livid if I were you, too.

SaraRL07