Surrogacy question

OneHotMama89

Hi there! I did just post this question on the infertility board, but then I saw this board and thought maybe this might be a better place to ask.

I have PCOS that resulted in me having my tubes cut and my uterine lining destroyed because I was bleeding so much it was causing adverse health effects. Because of this, my body is not capable of carrying a pregnancy and so IVF is not an option for me. Has anyone here done or looked into surrogacy? I'm at the point I would like to start looking into it but I have no idea where to start. Does anyone have any suggestions on where to start, or even some helpful books to read? Anything would be helpful. Thanks so much.

Also, I am still trying to figure out how to delete my siggy from when I was on the TTGP board. Sorry!

Mama-Bear

There are a few surros and IP's here.  I'm on my 2nd journey carrying as a surrogate.  First you'll want to look at the laws in your state.  There are a lot of things to consider in the IP side (do you have to have a surro that's close to you if it's legal in your state, do you want to use an agency or match independently, do you have friends or family that would want to carry for you, etc).  My first piece of advice would be to look around on 2 surro websites and just read everything you can on those boards.  At first your head will spin but after a few days/weeks you'll start to understand it more and more.  

https://www.surromomsonline.com/support/forum.php
https://www.allaboutsurrogacy.com/forums/

Welcome and good luck with your search.  I'm an open book, feel free to ask me anything if you have questions from the surro side.

IRR

Hi Welcome.  We are IP and our Surro is a close family friend.  Agree you need to look into the laws of the state you reside in, but also you may want to consider going abroad if you need to match with a surrogate. Costs can be six figures + in the US when all is said and done when you include DE, Surro, Agency, Lawyers, possible adoptions costs, Life Insurance etc.  We looked at a bunch of options until our angel said she would carry for us which cut out more than half the costs if we didn't have our friend carrying.  Agree there are forums on Surrogacy that you should read but I caution you some of them are brutal if you are the IP so just get your info.  If you have any questions that I can answer I would be happy to through a PM.

OneHotMama89

Ideally I am hoping to have someone I know be my surro. I just have no idea how you would ask such a thing haha. My sister has volunteered but she has a lot of stress in her life right now and I can't ask that of her at this time. My fiance and I are not quite ready to dive head first into it but we are starting to look at the options available and trying to gauge how much it will cost. I do live in Canada so that affects my cost a bit differently than in the states.

Congratulations, though! It's so nice to hear a positive story after all the negative infertility brings.

lincoln79

We have a beautiful 6 week old due to the generosity of a wonderful gestational surrogate!

A couple of things to consider:

1) Have you undergone any ART (IUI or IVF)? We had a gestational surrogate which means I went through the first parts of IVF, but after MH sperm fertilized my retrieved egg in a lab to make an embryo it (eventually) got transferred into another woman. That is gestational surrogacy (short description: our genetic baby, her body)

There is also surrogacy where the intended parents (IPs) are not genetically related to the child.

Both are done, but have their own different issues to deal with (especially legally and psychologically)

2) The timeline to prepare for surrogacy can longer than you might anticipate. We talked with our gestational surrogate and her husband in October in 2013 and our son was born October 2014. That is about as fast as you can accomplish everything (at least in the USA). It can be helpful to have realistic time expectations.

3) While you are investigating all of this (and it is complicated!), you could get a good start on being evaluated yourself. Find a fertility clinic (RE) and talk with them about your situation. Get some of the baseline tests done (blood work and medical imaging, infectious disease testing). Start interviewing attorneys to help with the legal side.

If you want it, I have a Power Point presentation that lays out the various issues that I am happy to share. Just PM me!

I am sorry you find yourself here, but wish you the best of luck and am happy to help in any way I can.

OneHotMama89

Thanks for the info, you guys!

TRex--I am living in Alberta. I know the process in Canada is different than in the states, but that's about all I know. I would go for gestational surrogacy if possible. Do you mind if I ask how much it cost you?

OneHotMama89

Thank you so much! That is about the cost I had anticipated. I was going to ask as well if RE visits are covered under provincial health care. I don't expect my drugs to be covered. I would have to double check but I am pretty sure I have $2k coverage per lifetime for fertility drugs with my work plan. It will definitely help but I for sure expect to pay above that. I just moved to Alberta from another part of Canada and am setting up an appointment with my new family doctor. I'm going to ask him outright for a referral to an RE so I can at least start getting myself checked out, fiance can have SA done, etc.

OneHotMama89

Thanks! I PMed you a couple other questions.