no shower but still would like gifts? how to go about this?

marryme24

I currently am 25 weeks and having a very high risk pregnancy. its practically a waiting game as to when i will have to be admitted into the hospital which makes having a baby shower extremly difficult and stressful (something i should not be doing according to the high risk specialist) we were going to have a very small and simple female only family members shower but with my to enter date into the hospital is quickly approaching, unless it happens sooner, it kinda makes it a moot point to have one. we don't want to seem rude or greedy but we do have a few items that are necessary on the registry and we would still like to allow people the option to purchase off of it. ideas, questions, comments, suggestions are greatly appreciated  

janda426

marryme24 said:

I currently am 25 weeks and having a very high risk pregnancy. its practically a waiting game as to when i will have to be admitted into the hospital which makes having a baby shower extremly difficult and stressful (something i should not be doing according to the high risk specialist) we were going to have a very small and simple female only family members shower but with my to enter date into the hospital is quickly approaching, unless it happens sooner, it kinda makes it a moot point to have one. we don't want to seem rude or greedy but we do have a few items that are necessary on the registry and we would still like to allow people the option to purchase off of it. ideas, questions, comments, suggestions are greatly appreciated  

Your hosts can feel free to have a shower after your baby is born if they so choose. People will ASK if you are registered anywhere if they want to buy you a gift. Those necessary items will just have to be bought by you if no one else gets them as it is your responsibility anyway. Circumstances suck sometimes but you deal with the hand you're dealt.

Disneygeek77

There is actually very little that you will need for the baby.  Little babies don't need much.  However your options are

1. Ask your hosts to reschedule until after the baby is born.  

2. If the baby is in the NICU, ask the hospital if there is a community room to have something like a small shower, then let your hosts know what the hospital says.  This advice can be applied if you are on bed rest and the doctors say it is ok for you to attend.  

3. If you truly think you will need some items, check out second hand or consignment stores.

4.  If anyone asks where you are registered or if you need anything, then you can tell them about your registry.

janda426

emmyg65 said:

If there are things on your registry that you need, buy them. If people want to buy you gifts, they will. They may or may not stick to the registry, regardless of whether you have a shower. It's just a list of suggestions.

Yeah ditto.. Good luck assuming you'll actually get everything you need off your registry lol

janda426

Dude seriously^. Your baby could be a micro preemie with a long road ahead of them and you're seriously worried about what gifts people are going to buy you. Depending when the baby is born they will likely be spending many weeks in the hospital anyway, which I'm very sorry for. But please shift your focus back to reality and what matters. I would not be making a freaking party a priority at this point.

taahira

You and your SO decided to have a baby, then the cost of that is on you. You shouldn't expect, the things you need to be purchased by others. If people choose to give gifts that's just a sweet thing. Not an expected thing.

sunnyday016

I'm sorry for your circumstances. That's a hard road you are facing, and I truly hope your baby stays cooking and comes out at 40 weeks. If your baby does come very early, then he/she will be in the NICU for a long time and you won't need anything immediately anyway.

sschwege

Alright, first post...I'm calling MUD

PrimRoseMama

You buy things yourself. Anyone who wants the info will ask.

You don't say anything unless explicitly asked.

mandi195

What is this shit?

PrimRoseMama

hetispagetti

Glad your thinking about the important things about having a baby...ALL THE PRESENTS

Alygohome

I am having a shower after the baby comes...I didn't realize a shower was so that I didn't have to buy the essentials for my child. I thought it was a way to celebrate entering motherhood. I guess I am doing this all wrong!

marryme24

The high risk part isn't a factor for the baby it's for me for one. Two I already am a parent so I know what all of these things entail. It was something that was presented to me by a family member and I assumed like all of you it was rude and asshole like to ask for gifts even if a shower wasn't had. I just didn't know if others had ever found themselves in a similar situation or not. I am fully aware that if need be my husband and I will purchase whatever items we do desperately need. I asked for comments suggestions etc but I wasn't aware how rude everyone else would come off. We are all parents first one or not and its about offering constructive criticism not to put others down. I've never been faced with a situation that I am in not do I know anyone who has. Thank you all for your rude useless advice. Obviously I am well aware of etiquette and how to go about answers the questions of others. Unlike the majority of you. Keep up the good work

janda426

marryme24 said:

The high risk part isn't a factor for the baby it's for me for one. Two I already am a parent so I know what all of these things entail. It was something that was presented to me by a family member and I assumed like all of you it was rude and asshole like to ask for gifts even if a shower wasn't had. I just didn't know if others had ever found themselves in a similar situation or not. I am fully aware that if need be my husband and I will purchase whatever items we do desperately need. I asked for comments suggestions etc but I wasn't aware how rude everyone else would come off. We are all parents first one or not and its about offering constructive criticism not to put others down. I've never been faced with a situation that I am in not do I know anyone who has. Thank you all for your rude useless advice. Obviously I am well aware of etiquette and how to go about answers the questions of others. Unlike the majority of you. Keep up the good work

You're already a parent? So why the fuck do you think you would have a shower and be entitled to gifts? Yeah, please go on about how mindful of etiquette you are.

TeeJ526

Holy gift grabby. Wondering how to get gifts with a shower shouldn't even be on your radar. You want a suggestion? Focus on your pregnancy. Stop trying to cloak your sense of entitlement by saying you're trying to give people an opportunity to buy the necessary stuff. If people want to buy you something, they will ask you or they will just buy stuff.

ordinary1

So much entitlement (and that was before saying you are already a parent)! Provide for your own child.

taahira

You just made your post even worse by telling us your not even a first time parent! Why are you even having a shower for your second pregnancy? The whole situation is tacky.

janda426

Damn dude this chick got blaaaasted with logic. I doubt we'll be hearing back from her lol

delujm0

I love when Sneauxflakes use the logic that "everyone loves buying presents for babies!" False. I am delighted when my friends have kids, and I'll usually buy them a cheap onesie or something. I do not love having to go to a shower and being dictated to buy something off of a registry, but I do that for first time moms who I care about. I REALLY would not love seeing a registry full of $30-50 items from a second time mom. No. I will buy you a $12 onesie or a few kid books at my convenience and use the rest of my money to buy stuff that I need. You've already gotten one fancy gift from me. You don't get rewarded by society for having more kids. That's on you.

PrimRoseMama

Those that are tacky & entitled often lack self-awareness... :-??

mamaloaf

Really classy logic, OP.

gnomemom

You're already a parent? Why would you even expect to have a shower? I'm so confused by this post.

FreddyisReady

marryme24 said:

The high risk part isn't a factor for the baby it's for me for one. Two I already am a parent so I know what all of these things entail. It was something that was presented to me by a family member and I assumed like all of you it was rude and asshole like to ask for gifts even if a shower wasn't had. I just didn't know if others had ever found themselves in a similar situation or not. I am fully aware that if need be my husband and I will purchase whatever items we do desperately need. I asked for comments suggestions etc but I wasn't aware how rude everyone else would come off. We are all parents first one or not and its about offering constructive criticism not to put others down. I've never been faced with a situation that I am in not do I know anyone who has. Thank you all for your rude useless advice. Obviously I am well aware of etiquette and how to go about answers the questions of others. Unlike the majority of you. Keep up the good work

If your baby is born early, it can be a high risk situation. This isn't all about you.

sschwege

I think in situations such as these the tacky is best wrapped up in a cute little poem:


Dear Friends,

The day quickly approaches; the hour is near
Our little one we await is almost here
A second shower is rude so we ask not for your time
But request that you buy us things on your own dime
We've made it very simple, as easy as can be
Just a credit card and click to shop our registry
Your generosity is appreciated, it's not really hard
And consider a book instead of a card! 

delujm0

sschwege said:

I think in situations such as these the tacky is best wrapped up in a cute little poem:


Dear Friends,

The day quickly approaches; the hour is near
Our little one we await is almost here
A second shower is rude so we ask not for your time
But request that you buy us things on your own dime
We've made it very simple, as easy as can be
Just a credit card and click to shop our registry
Your generosity is appreciated, it's not really hard
And consider a book instead of a card! 

You should change the last line to "sorry we won't have time to send a thank you card." As I assume that's how this would end. :-)

sschwege

@delujm0
You are right I would hate to think of OP having to worry about those pesky little thank you notes!  Here goes:

Thank yous are nice, we will admit that they are
But we can't be troubled to take it that far
Consider this your thanks and don't check the post
Our sincerest thanks to those who love us the most!

Amstreagle

sunnyday016

Oh gosh those poems are awesome.

mamatr

Honestly I read all the posts . I had this happen to a friend --- her first baby. We all sent gifts anyway. If you care for someone , you will ask them what they need.

I don't think I'd be in a rush to buy a gift for a second baby unless it was a very close friend. I would feel annoyed too if my friend seemed like she felt it was expected.

delujm0

I don't think I'd be in a rush to buy a gift for a second baby unless it was a very close friend. I would feel annoyed too if my friend seemed like she felt it was expected.

-------------------quote fail------------------

All of this. I love my friends, and if I want to buy them a gift for their Second, third, fourth, whatever kid I will do that unprompted. What would be annoying is getting invited to a shower for anything after a first kid. I don't need to be formally invited to buy someone a gift. That makes it seem like the mom is saying "yay I'm asking you to buy me more gifts now!!" it's acceptable for the first baby, but not after that.

mamatobe1235

Wtf. Really? You can't call anyone here rude after what you just posted. Asking people for gifts because you "need" things for YOUR baby is ridiculous and RUDE. I'm flabbergasted. You are just a gem aren't you? Buy your own shit.

mooreamanda6213

You shouldnt go about it at all. Just. No.