Attachment Parenting
opheliainwaders
member
Question about explaining other people's behavior to DD
opheliainwaders
member
So, I wanted to get you guys' opinion on handling a situation that came up over Thanksgiving, since we've had a few threads recently that talked about spanking.
My 4-year-old nephew was acting up at the table, and my SIL smacked him to get him to behave (I have a whole host of things I disagree with about her particular parenting style, but usually they're not visible to DD, so I don't have to deal with them personally), leading to what was essentially a (pretty merited, IMHO) tantrum on nephew's part. It was troubling to me because it was her lashing out--I don't agree with spanking in general, but hitting a kid in anger makes me really anxious. (FWIW, this was an open-handed smack on the arm, and I've never seen or heard of anything that would constitute abuse in a legal way, so I'd rather not take the conversation that direction if we can - I don't agree with her, but I truly don't think this is a "call CPS" kind of situation. It's *probably* a "she needs some help dealing with anger and discipline" situation, but I don't think that suggestion would be taken well coming from me.).
DD is one and a half, and was sitting with me across the table. I could see her little face get surprised, and then worried as she took this all in. In the moment, I had no idea what to do for her - and she's so little that we can't really "discuss" it later. I guess I'm looking for options of things to say to DD in the moment that aren't going to be inflammatory with SIL. I want her to know two things: 1, that if you get mad, it is not OK to hit people, and 2, that DH and I are also required to follow that rule, and we won't hit HER.
I don't think she's permanently scarred or anything, but it was a little heartbreaking for me to watch her figure out that Bad Stuff Happens. Sigh.
My 4-year-old nephew was acting up at the table, and my SIL smacked him to get him to behave (I have a whole host of things I disagree with about her particular parenting style, but usually they're not visible to DD, so I don't have to deal with them personally), leading to what was essentially a (pretty merited, IMHO) tantrum on nephew's part. It was troubling to me because it was her lashing out--I don't agree with spanking in general, but hitting a kid in anger makes me really anxious. (FWIW, this was an open-handed smack on the arm, and I've never seen or heard of anything that would constitute abuse in a legal way, so I'd rather not take the conversation that direction if we can - I don't agree with her, but I truly don't think this is a "call CPS" kind of situation. It's *probably* a "she needs some help dealing with anger and discipline" situation, but I don't think that suggestion would be taken well coming from me.).
DD is one and a half, and was sitting with me across the table. I could see her little face get surprised, and then worried as she took this all in. In the moment, I had no idea what to do for her - and she's so little that we can't really "discuss" it later. I guess I'm looking for options of things to say to DD in the moment that aren't going to be inflammatory with SIL. I want her to know two things: 1, that if you get mad, it is not OK to hit people, and 2, that DH and I are also required to follow that rule, and we won't hit HER.
I don't think she's permanently scarred or anything, but it was a little heartbreaking for me to watch her figure out that Bad Stuff Happens. Sigh.
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Re: Question about explaining other people's behavior to DD
If the situation gets scary for her or you can tell it will soon try excusing yourself and the two of you can leave the table or the room. You don't have to mention why you are actually going. (maybe you need the restroom, or to change LO, or to get a tissue or anything)