st3wd

MinnesotaMomma91

@St3wd where have you been? Ive missed you on the board.

Just wondering how your doing and if your okay.

ST3WD

HEY!!!

I'm sorry I haven't even been able to lurk. I've been so bogged down with shit. WHEN IS IT OVER? (Any of it. All of it.)

Pregnancy:

My father's disability hearing was on the 19th, and that went about how I guessed it would. He's approved for benefits but said benefits do not actually begin until the courts have an "end-of-work" date. His former employer is trolling the fuck out of the case, dragging their feet and only providing information they're legally obligated to, which is none, because feds. I have been feeling like complete shit about being pregnant on top of now having to hold my dad's hand through this process since his meds take away some cognitive abilities. 

Since last Wednesday, I've been with him every other day explaining he won't get a check yet, he can't sign a lease to get out of my brother's apartment, he shouldn't go walking by himself because of his seizures, Mom's not going to be coming for Christmas... He'll process it, get a little depressed looking, and then we take him grocery shopping/out to dinner/to walk around a store. Just being up and moving for an hour will wear him out enough that he sleeps when my brother and his roommate go to their 3rd shift jobs. 

He's living with two bachelors in their early 20s without girlfriends. Their apartment is disgusting. My father shouldn't have to live in it.

 So when I'm at "home", I clean after/do laundry for/cook for 6 people like:

When I go spend time with my dad, most of it is spent:

Normally I would find time to lurk at least. You ladies keep me sane and remind me everyday is just part of a phase. ENTER THE FRACKIN' HOLIDAYS.

I normally love Thanksgiving. Lyke, LOVE it. 

I'm a fatty fatty no friends, after all. 

The family I'm staying with is different than what I'm used to though. The mom is a youth pastor/art teacher/equal rights advocate and has been for years. Apparently these career choices lend you to meet a plethora of non-traditional types. She feels bad that some people don't have families to see for the holiday or are working on Thursday or aren't accepted/welcomed by their family, etc. Makes sense. That sucks. What does she do? She hosts a 2 day binge fest for all the lost souls in the metro area. Thursday we'll be hosting over 20 people, complete with 2 turkeys, and if they're working/can't make it they are invited to the make-up day on Friday. That headcount is at 12 so far. I have social anxiety to begin with. I don't like large groups, large groups I don't know, large groups I don't know with chips on their shoulders because for some reason they can't celebrate with their families... 

I'm already feeling awkward, but I've been volun-told to do all the prep. Between cleaning for these people, and my dad and brother and his roommate, and being pregnant, and trying to work on things like WIC, I apparently have time to chop and slice and julienne and bake and freeze and marinate and...

I was also volun-told to do the "major" sweep of the house. Translation: you get to do all the preemptive people are coming cleaning. I already do everything except the physical plates they eat off of and the cat boxes, but apparently I need to make sure things are spotless for the people coming, just knowing I'm going to be told the house is wreck on Saturday and that "we" need to blitz it. 

I finished my prepping last night before taking my dad to the store., including cleaning, 2 turkeys, 14 sides (all with a gluten free and/or vegan alternative), 6 bread products. I.was.done.bitches.

DONE.

After getting him some groceries, we went to Sonic. (Yummmm, tots.)

I've still got a bit of a sweet aversion, so I didn't get a sundae, but I was happy with some cheese sticks. (Side note: They now carry a family size?? WHAT?)

I walked into the house about 10:30, after my sister and I had helped DF put away his food and get ready for bed. We were going to change, maybe watch a tv show or read, and head to bed within the hour. I could (figuratively) breathe. That's when I heard the people we live with in the kitchen...

"Well, now that we've finally got all of our prepping done, we might be able to cook everything in time."

I almost lost it. I've been doing so well with keeping my giant mouth shut, being grateful that they took my sister and I in when our family started this rough spot, being gracious about earning our keep and being the best non-house-guest-more-like-extended-stay-family we can. I've not opened my mouth when the oldest daughter skips all her college courses they shell out over $10g for her to take because "she's failing and will have to retake them anyway." I've not slapped her when she complains about how tired her PART-TIME job makes her, and how her dyslexia makes it practically impossible to study. I've not bitched at their younger daughter who says being a senior in high school is harder than being in college or that she can't put her bowl in the sink because she also has a PART TIME job on top of being a student. I haven't choked her for saying MY priority should be to make her school's marching band number 1 because it's a family activity. I haven't said a word about the mom who is STILL in college working on the degree she's wanted since she was 18, not because she had kids young, but because she never does her fucking homework. I've not yelled at the dad who fusses constantly at everyone else to clean, is the most disgusting in the house, and then takes credit for the clean bathrooms or whatever when someone comments that they look nice. "Oh, yeah, we cleaned those today." 

"Oh, yeah, we cleaned those today."

...h, we cl...

WE

I have neglected to point out how their actions are constantly untraining the pets they don't spend much time with when I spend time teaching them manners. I haven't bursted their bubble when they ask me to do something extra for them, but instead work with them to make everybody feel accommodated. 

But to hear this "we" bullshit over my week long prepping? Over the food I've made and frozen so all we have to is warm it tomorrow for people I don't even know? And in the fucking context that I didn't do it quickly enough or "we" almost didn't make it in time WHEN I DID IT ALL ALONE?????

My poor sister saw me about to snap, grabbed my jacket hood, and threw me into our shared bedroom. (She's been bigger than me for almost 5 years now, so she's used to picking me up and moving me.) She told me to change and stay in the room. I put on my pjs, and she returned with Goldfish and her tablet so we could watch something. We got halfway through a White Collar episode before I cried myself to sleep.

I don't know what I would do without her. 

I just...

I'm back, but as far as my IRL disposition with everything that's happening?

I missed you, guys.

20thirteen

Oh wow, that's a LOT on your plate!

MinnesotaMomma91

Im sorry your having a rough week. I think you need a hug.


Were all here for you if you need us.

ST3WD

Thanks, everyone.

I think everything is going to calm down for a few weeks, at least until after finals. I was at my wits end and had not been sleeping well. I was really touched that you guys were concerned! The stuff with my dad isn't new, it was just a lot to add prep work to. (Why are people convinced if you stay at home during the day you have more free time than them?) 

I hope I can start being a little more positive around here again. It's not fun to focus on the negativity!