Not this time.........

JBDamonM

Unfortunately my beta this morning confirmed my POAS stark white test yesterday. BFN for me. I am absolutely devastated. Crushed doesnt really cut it. I'm angry that I was so fuc$king naive to automatically think this was going to work. Like a total fool for all of my posts about how I was going to have to sneak around on the holidays and avoid family vacations. I'm an ass. And now I have to address a fresh cycle since I have no frozen snow babies left. Which TERRIFIES me..... I have cried, wailed really the last two days, not because it didn't work (as I believe there was a problem with the embryo and this as natures way of avoiding a miscarriage or a potential long term issue) but because now we have to start over. And i seriously had every freaking symptom in the book during this 2WW. i was sure as shit i was pregnant, i dont know how ill ever make it through another 2WW. All of that being said - the dr working today called me directly and gave me almost 20 minutes of her time. She reassured me of what fantastic results we had with our fresh cycle and reccomends we start the fresh cycle once my period gets here..... As long as my dr. Agrees and they pay for it we will be good to go. This makes me feel a million times better. I just want to get back in the saddle and she agreed that was probably best for my mentality. So fingers crossed that comes together tomorrow. To each of you that has gone before me with an IVF BFN - kudos, I think you have all handled it more graciously than me. And to @mofree - I am praying you, that you get your baby!!!

JBDamonM

And same to you @RunCC37‌

Mrs.AmyDylan

Oh JB. I'm so incredibly sorry. Especially with the loss of your snow babies I had really prayed this was it for you. Huge hugs. We'll be here for you during the next 2ww.

June0609

I'm so sorry JB. I was really hoping that this cycle will work for you.

jesselayne8

I am soo sorry.

mnj05

I'm so sorry. I hope you're able to get going again soon and it all works out. I agree, it's perfectly normal and ok to be thinking of the things you did and feeling those feelings.

ccam

Oh @JBDamonM‌ , I'm so sorry. You're not foolish or an ass - those feelings are so normal. We are all here for you and will be through another fresh cycle. I hope that you can move forward as quickly as you want. Hugs to you!!

e74

I am so sorry!

MoFree

I'm so sorry honey. A miserable day all around (see above post).

JBDamonM

@ccam - Dr D. Made the call today. What a fantastic woman.

luvboston

So sorry this sucks!

Julie21613

I'm so so very sorry... I was so sure this was it for you.  On a brighter note, the doctor that called you herself today sounds amazing.  Be kind to yourself....

ccam

JBDamonM said:

@ccam - Dr D. Made the call today. What a fantastic woman.

I figured it was her from your post - she really is!!

TJ1979

Oh JB. I can't tell you how sorry I am. IF is so unfair, and your situation is even more unfair. Wishing you so much luck with your fresh cycle. Sending lots of T&P your way.

phishgirl29

I'm so sorry JB. I just went through the same thing last month. It absolutely sucks. I'm so so sorry .

kmc84

I am so, so sorry. IVF bfn's suck super hard....let alone with everything else stacked on there ((giant hugs)) be kind to yourself and you know you've got us all as interwebz support ❤

jessica_gail2

I'm so sorry. You are a brave, magnificent mama and woman. This embie not making it just means that you're meant to be mommy to another one. And you most certainly will be. Lots of hugs and loves sweet girl.

JBDamonM

Thanks guys. Question for anyone who has a BFN how long until you got your period?

trigirl79

Oh JB, my heart breaks for you. I am so so sorry

Jenny935

I'm so sorry for your BFN and this whole situation. Hugs to you.

bumpuser6119831

I am so sorry that it did not work. My periods came within a couple of days of stopping progesterone. IF and especially IVF are evil.

Robeano

Oh no!!! I was stalking the board looking for your update. I am so sorry!!!!

Ruthie04

I'm beyond sorry and so angry over this news! You've handled this situation with so much grace, considering the loss of your frozen embryos. While I never cried after failed IUIs, my IVF BFN ripped me apart. I have a very clear memory of sobbing for hours in my car in an empty Bed, Bath & Beyond parking lot. And, then I got so, so drunk. Sending you buckets of hugs. It's just so unfair. 

As far as a period, I started on beta day. I think it was somewhere around 12dp5dt. That period was a monster...so heavy/ crampy. I also noticed that my next cycle was super weird- very long. I've never had frosties though, so I don't know if a FET would be different. 

mdiblasi10

No words are adequate, but I am so, so sorry. Big hugs.

srveatch

I'm so sorry! You are handling everything much better than I would given what happened to your frosties. I got my period a few days after Beta with my failed FET. Good luck with your fresh cycle!

JBDamonM

I just talked to my Dr. He's good with me going ahead. They ordered my meds this AM and I just need to get DH in for some bloodwork and a sample hoopefully tomorrow. And now I am officially scared shi*less. Here's why: 1.) Although he said he doesn't anticipate an issue, I am worried about my husbands numbers. 2.) When I cycled in 2012 my AFC was 16 and we had fantastic results (and still had a failed FET)..... this time when I did my FET my AFC was only 9. Please tell me this doesn't matter too much? I had a crazy response to the meds last time, so I"m hopeful I can boost some more up, but I would really like to get at least 12 at retrieval. and 3.) His guidelines since I'm now 35 are to put back 2. Here we go, the never ending debate....... Truth: I can not afford twins, nor can I handle them. That being said, I also can't afford to keep undergoing treatments. ARGH. This part may be the hardest. I SO feel for all of you who have come before me with these decisions.

Eve_Angelique

So sorry. What a trying cycle. Wishing you the best as you figure out your next steps.

efhoping2010

I am so very sorry

mcgeeva

I'm so sorry...don't feel like an ass. Anyone would have done the same. IT's hard to plan when you have so much emotionally going on. Give yourself a break

Wadzfaith

I had hoped you had a sticky one in there, I am so sorry to hear this, I have just gone thru a BFN with my second fresh IVF cycle and I know the heartache you are feeling. There is no graceful/ungraceful way to deal with this, you do and feel whatever way is right for you. Like the other ladies said, we are here for you during your next 2WW!

I hope that your RE holds true to their word that they will let you cycle as much as you need to get baby #2. It absolutely does not make up for what they did by making that inexcusable mistake by any means but at the very least you have an opportunity to hold out hope.

wille2b

I am so sorry!!!! ((BIG HUGS))

Mayzie15

I'm so sorry to read this . Please take care of yourself. Scream, yell and cry - we've all felt this way after a BFN and I think your handling this well after what happened to your frozen embryos. Hang in there and I hope your fresh cycle goes well.

imoverit

Crap. This sucks so bad. I'm so very sorry. Hugs.

blueberries8

So sorry Sending lots of good vibes your way for a successful fresh cycle.

RunCC37

Oh JB... I'm so sorry... I don't know what to say except that I know the pain and fear you are talking about. It's horrible... I'm sending you lots of hugs and hope you can get a good plan together soon. 

PennyLane26

I'm so sorry JB. I hope you at least get good results for this pre cycle testing. (((Hugs)))

FishyMom

I'm so sorry about your disappointment. The 2ww is so hard and feeling like you were successful to have the rug pulled out from under you is even worse. Keep your head up and start to prepare mentally for your fresh cycle, but give yourself the time to grieve the failure. Good luck.