Two and a half year old spending nights away from mom

MrsW101011

I have a VERY attached 2 year old. He has spent one night away from me but he was at home with daddy. It didn't go well. There was a lot of crying because he couldn't nurse back to sleep. He still nurses to sleep and a few times during the night.

I'm 14 weeks pregnant and due in May. I'll be having a csection in a hospital so I'll be away for 2 to 3 nights. I have considered having DH spend nights at home with our son so at least it wouldn't be too much of a shock but I'm having second thoughts. I really want my husband in the hospital with me and the new baby. How can I make sure that my son will be OK while I'm in the hospital? I can't stand the thought of him crying for me for 3 nights. 

Anyone have advice or stories to share? I need some reassurance. 

opheliainwaders

Could you do some trial runs ahead of time? Also, do you want to night-wean, or keep nursing during the night? I ask just because it might help to find ways that your DH can practice putting DS back to sleep. (Not that you would need to night-wean for that, but it might mean replacing a session with DH cuddles instead).

MrsW101011

I'm hoping for some trial runs before hand. The problem is that everyone knows how hard it's going to be and no one really wants to do it. My  husband sleeps on the couch but I think i should get him back in bed with us and maybe have him sleep in the middle so I'm not right next to DS. Not planning to night wean necessarily but I do think he would be OK with DH in the middle and maybe it would just happen.

neverblushed

I think the most logical thing is for your H to go home in the evenings and be with your DS. 

In all likelihood, you'll be able to get by with the help of the nursing staff, and the whole transition will be smoother for your son if Daddy is with him in the evenings.  Nearly everyone I know who has had 2 kids has said the physical recovery from birth (whether vaginal or c-section) was FAR easier the second time around.  If you can have a family member or friend on "standby" in the unlikely event of a complication, you'll feel better, but you probably won't need this.

One of the great things about having baby #2 is watching the older child learn that Daddies can take care of them a way that's different from, but just as awesome as, Mommies.  It was fantastic for my DD to learn that she actually had TWO parents who could take care of her.  She grew into a more independent preschooler, and my H grew into a more confident parent.  Win -- win!

Congrats, and prepare for awesomeness!

MrsW101011

Regal Mama said:

First of all you have six months. So much can change in that time. Second, DH was the key for us. I would nurse and then say we were all done. Dh would rub his back and cuddle with him while I rolled over and completely ignored them. Occasionally I would say " it's time for sleeping now we will have more milk later" but that is it. The other thing that helped was letting him co sleep with others. When my kids sleep at their grandparents parents houses they are in bed with them. It really eased the transition.

 I really need to remember that I have 6 months! I've been talking about DS staying at my sister's. He would have my sister, her husband and their 4 year old. My sister has said that they would just all plan on sleeping in the living room with my son and not sleeping, lol! 

MrsW101011

neverblushed said:

I think the most logical thing is for your H to go home in the evenings and be with your DS. 

In all likelihood, you'll be able to get by with the help of the nursing staff, and the whole transition will be smoother for your son if Daddy is with him in the evenings.  Nearly everyone I know who has had 2 kids has said the physical recovery from birth (whether vaginal or c-section) was FAR easier the second time around.  If you can have a family member or friend on "standby" in the unlikely event of a complication, you'll feel better, but you probably won't need this.

One of the great things about having baby #2 is watching the older child learn that Daddies can take care of them a way that's different from, but just as awesome as, Mommies.  It was fantastic for my DD to learn that she actually had TWO parents who could take care of her.  She grew into a more independent preschooler, and my H grew into a more confident parent.  Win -- win!

Congrats, and prepare for awesomeness!

This has been my plan since the beginning but I recently started having second thoughts. Of course I want DH with me and the new baby but I also hate to totally uproot my DS's life for this few days I'll be gone. Such a hard decision to make. 

UberBiz

Regal Mama said:

First of all you have six months. So much can change in that time. Second, DH was the key for us. I would nurse and then say we were all done. Dh would rub his back and cuddle with him while I rolled over and completely ignored them. Occasionally I would say " it's time for sleeping now we will have more milk later" but that is it. The other thing that helped was letting him co sleep with others. When my kids sleep at their grandparents parents houses they are in bed with them. It really eased the transition.

This. A lot can change in 6 months. When I was about 14w pregnant, I was still nursing my son to sleep (he was about 15m), and I was worried about what I would do when the baby came and we were still mostly co-sleeping, but we eventually dropped the night-feedings (we had already dropped daytime sessions), and now he just gets cuddles to bed. And him being home with Daddy during the day has helped him to know that there's another parent that can help him!

yeah.

Honestly, you should think about night weaning sometime before the baby comes. Your 2.5 year old doesn't need to eat at night anymore, but your newborn does need to. Better to stop the habit before you are overtired with a baby nursing every hour.

That said, I'd have DH stay home with your son. You don't need him in the hospital, and DS does need him at home. My husband did not stay with me for my 2nd section - he was home with DD - and it was just fine. There's lots of help in the hospital if you need it.