Parent frustration vent

potbellypig

My dad put his back out while putting his socks on the other day. He never visits a chiropractor, does stretching, go for massages, etc. He is always lifting/doing activities that he should be more careful about doing (he's 55), especially given that he does not take care of his back.

My mom has asthma, but never ever  takes her puffers. She only takes them when she's having an asthma attack, this despite the fact that I have explained to her the reasons why it's important to take it as prescribed (I'm a pharmacist). She also has a prescription for Synthroid, but after a month taking it when her levels came back normal (because of the medication), she decided she was "cured" (because of the normal levels) and doesn't take it anymore. Hence, she is always cold and tired.

So frustrating. I get annoyed at having to take care of parents whose problems could be avoided with a little preventative medicine/self/care. I realize I need to get over this because they're not going to change. Vent over.

*sparky*

You have pretty much described my IL's.  Don't take care of themselves, never go to the doctor, no exercise whatsoever, and my MIL is a nurse. 

emberlee3

Yeah, my mom called me one evening at 7 pm to tell me that she had woken up with one side of her face paralyzed. She hadn't gone to see her doctor. And I am a doctor, but she waited all day before asking me what to do!

Thank goodness it was Bell's palsy, not a stroke. Still, she got a very severe case that might have been lessened if she had been started on steroids sooner.

2chatter

My mom has had a slipped disc for 6 weeks (I took her for an MRI on Saturday).  Now it looks like what she is getting for Christmas is surgery.  Her appointment isn't until a couple weeks before Christmas and my bet is that week off I struggled for?  I will be staying with my mom and will not even see my kids.....Awesome.

GreenMonkey1

I feel your pain.  My MIL has seen no less than 17 doctors for knee pain, but never really follows through with any of their directions.  She may follow through for a month or so, but usually starts to feel better and overexerts (like walks 7 miles) and goes back to square one.  Instead of just starting over and/or realizing she overdid it, she finds a new doctor because the last one didn't know what he/she was talking about.  She'll also talk about how since she was a rehab counselor (for people with mobility issues, not addiction) that she knows people can go about their regular life without changes to physical activity, they just need some accommodations.  Meaning that at 63 with bad knees she should be able to run a marathon, just needs to use a raised toilet seat to protect her knees.  So all these doctors saying she needs to adjust her expectations are full of bunk.  And she was never really a rehab counselor nor has any training in the field.

MickeyM04

You must be my long lost sister.

My dad has injured his back a couple of times, and yet he continues to go to the gym, lift weights, etc.  (He's 57.)  He recently was on disability for about 2 months because he hurt himself so badly.  Meanwhile he refused to go to the doctor for a good 2 weeks, in spite of an inability to actually get out of bed or be upright for more than a couple minutes (think, laying on the floor of the shower).  Once he eventually recovered, he started going back to the gym and lifting weights again.

My mother limped around on a broken foot for about 2 months before finally going to the doctor and hearing she had a broken foot.  At that point they put her in a walking cast, which she insisted was stupid and not doing anything, so she wouldn't wear it.  Oh and while she was limping, she continued to go to the gym, walk the dogs 2+ miles a day, and engage in all of her normal daily activities.  

justjinny

My Dad is like this, and since he lives alone (my parents are divorced) I end up dropping whatever I'm up to to when he's finally hospitalized for not taking care of himself.  

The last time he had surgery to remove kidney stones, I got a call while at work that I needed to leave work immediately to drive 2+ hours to the hospital he was at and pick him up. He never mentioned he was going in for surgery and thought he could just drive himself home afterwards so he made no plans for any help. You'd think dealing with the pain of kidney stones would prompt better dietary choices, but nope, he just keeps on doing the same things that cause them. I'm not looking forward to another round of this in about 2-3 years when they come back.

ErinO21

If you're a pharmacist, you're going to really like reading about what my grammy used to do. When she would get prescribed antibiotics, like a z-pack for example, she would only take them until she felt better. She wouldn't finish the whole prescription. So, in a couple weeks, she would start getting sick again. At that point, she would just finish the rest of the prescription. She did this ALL. THE. TIME.

mcgeeva

Neither of my ILs take care of themselves. They are very unhealthy chain smokers, alcholics, very overweight, heart issues, can barely walk and distance besides to their car and the crazy part is they have been retired for over 20 years. My grandparents in their 80s can get around better then they can. Not to mention mine are dirty..my MIL has Ecoli right now and my husband feels it's okay to take our boys to visit them this weekend. I am not going to avoid getting angry. My parents are healthy but I think with age we will have to deal with this more and more. I'm more worried at the fact my Husband is an only child and what sort of extra strain will be put on our marriage the more they need. I should mention they don't have a great relationship to begin with.

rubber_chicken

Holy fark I would not be taking my babies to see anyone with ecoli.  EW.

potbellypig

Regarding ecoli - be careful. At my place of work (long term care) we are very careful with residents suffering from this. Not "isolation level" precautions but almost. If she got ecoli in the first place, she's probably not that careful.

DiveFrog

My mother is basically slowing killing herself. I try to be sympathetic, she has had it rough the last 4yrs medically. first being diagnosed with Crohns disease, then A-fib which required an open heart valve repair and then type 2 diabetes all in the span of about 18months in 2010. Plus she has been battling clinical depression and hypothyroidism her entire adult life. She's 68 now, but I think with everything that happened in 2010 it is just too much for her. she's given up fighting for her health. She refuses to exercise or change her diet, both are what she desperately needs to do to lose weight and help herself. But she has battled her weight her entire life....it caused the heart valve issue (phen phen related) and she ate well and exercised for so many years and still got diabetes, and when she was ready to give gastric bypass a chance at 60, both doctors she consulted told her she was too old/not a good candidate. She feels defeated and is done fighting. It is incredibly sad and frustrating, especially as her physical limits are starting to exclude her from taking part in fun family activities like going to the zoo, or orchard. It is also SO difficult to see my Dad who adores her, see the woman he loves 'give up', and see his frustration at not being able to get her take care of herself, and the worry he has about her dying.

shannm

I hear you and I could go on forever about my parents who are nearing 70. My dad in particular has made health choices in the past ten years that have completed ended his active lifestyle permanently. So frustrating!
I wish I could say it gets better but I don't think it does. It is a huge learning experience for me because I am constantly challenged to let things go and remember to enjoy them (my folks) rather than change them. I don't want my last years with them to be filled with frustration and anger. It is a really delicate balance of accepting/supporting/advising.

Cnon

bellaxanthe said:

My father died shortly after ignoring some symptoms of a flu and mini heart attacks. So there is that. You'd think after that my mom would take more care, but alas she hides things from us as well. although she is in relatively good health she put off finding a new doctor for 4 years while they were moving and splitting time between 2 residences.

Sorry for your loss.


Cnon

mcgeeva

rubber_chicken said:

Holy fark I would not be taking my babies to see anyone with ecoli.  EW.

Trust me this is why I am not going because I will flip out. The father said it was from possibly a UTI..but im sorry we know as women when we have UTIs. So DH can go and have to deal with issues if anything happens. I would like to say they can't go but he's not giving me the option. 

mcgeeva

potbellypig said:

Regarding ecoli - be careful. At my place of work (long term care) we are very careful with residents suffering from this. Not "isolation level" precautions but almost. If she got ecoli in the first place, she's probably not that careful.

Oh I know 100% it's because my inlaws are disgustingly dirty. Prime example..had my son and the week I had him they stayed with us. She would go out and smoke, come in use the bathroom, then touch my child and food. She only thought she had to use hand sanitizer and believed that was acceptable. I don't say much when it comes to my inlaws due to the crappy relationship so I end up venting to DH. We also got sick from every item of food they cooked so we had to toss everything in the freezer and fresh food they made. Trust me..I'm cringing thinking about this