I really don't like the LED Holiday Lights. Reminds me of Vegas - - which then reminds me of strippers... then I'm looking around for strippers but it's too cold... why would they be outside?
I don't like cherry pie. I only think there should he home made pumpkin pie for thanksgiving and no weird chocolate pies or anything like that. Just home made pumpkin.
Just because you don't get worked up when someone asks, doesn't mean everyone else feels the same. I am also excited about possibly having another child. But it will be another long and difficult road to have one. I hated when people asked when we were going to have our first baby and I will hate it when people start asking when we'll have another. It's no one's business. And I would feel that way even if we didn't have IF issues.
Eta. Also, people might not even want children. So maybe they're never planning TTC.
TTC since December 2011 Me: 29 ovulatory disorder DH: 30 MFI - low everything
IUI #1: 11/5/12 BFN December IUI cancelled due to cyst IUI #2: 1/8/13 BFN
IVF in April 2013 transferred one beautiful blast on 4/13 Beta #1 4/22: BFP!! 33 Beta #2 54 Beta #3 70 Beta #4 83 Beta #5 105. Possible ectopic, MTX and M/C 5w4d
FET 6/21 - Beta #1: 79 BFP!! Beta #2: 253 U/S 7/12: saw the sac! U/S #2 7/19 great heartbeat of 127!! U/S #3 heartbeat of 154! U/S #4 graduated to OB
I guess pretty much everyone here got upset at people asking when they were going to get married? (Or did no one get asked about those plans?)
**Marriage is a private thing too, but I don't see a lot of people complaining about friends and family asking when they are going to tie the knot. ** Some people never plan to marry. Or they plan to elope. Perhaps their interests lie in the same sex and they are trying to keep it secret, or same sex marriage isn't legal where they live...maybe they are already married, but it's a secret.
Another reason not to ask when someone is going to have kids is because even when you tell people you are trying and having a difficult time, you get dumb ass comments like: Just get drunk, go on vacation, stop thinking about it, just adopt and then you'll get pregnant.
Or, the question of if you'll have more and you tell them it was hard with the first: Oh, but if you have one, your womb can open up to having more, or, just adopt next time, just do IVF again.
I know it's "Conversation starter" but I hate starting out the conversation with: Oh, we had to do IVF and even after that people act like it's no big thing!
While I really want to bring awareness to the IF table, it's hard when there are people out there that are so consumed with themselves and only ask questions to be nosey and when they don't get the answer they were expecting they say really stupid and hurtful things.
And, I feel this should go the same way with the whole marriage thing. It's not anyone's business! What if someone has been dating a while, and that is all they think about, but their SO isn't ready for the commitment? It's just a sore subject that really shouldn't be discussed unless you really know a person, or if they bring it up first!
Me 28 DH 30
Married 08-11-07
TTC since 07/11
HSG 01-21-13 Left FTB
Seeing RE 1-28-13
RE 1-28-13
Both tubes blocked
LAP surgery 2-15-13 Both tubes removed Started IVF #1 June 2013 Meds: BCP, Lupron, Gonal-F, Ovidrel, Medrol, Doxycycline
I don't think it's rude to ask someone if/when they are going to start TTC. I understand there are circumstances with fertility issues and others, but if someone has never TTC before (so clearly they don't know if they are going to have fertility issues), and it's a close family friend, I don't see the harm in asking if they are TTC or plan to soon.
I know this is not a black and white issue. I would be more discreet about asking a friend who is older and has been married longer than a friend who just got married and I know for a fact has never tried TTC before.
ETA: I actually like when people ask me when we are going to try again. It makes me happy at the thought of getting to do all of this all over again, especially since I know the next will be our last. So I'm kind of basing my UO on the fact that I don't get worked up when someone asks me.
When I was younger I felt very similar, I mean I would never ask a stranger/newly met person, someone I only know casually/co-worker etc; however it would be even more bizarre/rude if I didn't talk about it with close friends and or my cousins/family I see/know intimately.
I am much less likely to discuss/ask about with family and close friends now, mostly because I understand more and that even if I am comfortable discussing my family plans others might not be. I am more aware of issues and probably more sensitive to other's situations than I was as a young(er) woman. I was always eager to discuss children and babies in my mid-upper 20's.
I think who you ask is dependent upon your relationship with that person.
Agreed @NewMomma8 I was always eager to discuss family plans whenever someone brought it up, but I didn't want to be AWWW all the time and recognized some people didn't discuss their plans as openly, so I think it depends on the person, your relationship with them, etc.
There were times I may have stepped on some toes, hopefully I apologized and we moved forward. I can guarantee you I've been asked inappropriate questions in my 42 yrs that were not anyone's business so I can hopefully appreciate / recognize when my interest borders on gawking as opposed to true interest in a person's life
My real UO is that I hate the word wicked. I cringe every time I see the something like, "it's wicked cold outside."
As a native Bostonian. I think your opinion is wicked stupid.
All of this.
ETA: So like, is it rude to ask someone "So, do you guys want to have kids?" I'm just trying to grasp what is ok and what's not, since this is pretty much something every single human being ever has to consider. To reproduce or not? :-?
I didn't care so much when people were asking me when I was going to reproduce the second time. However, now, when people ask when I'm "having the next" even though I've told them twice before that my tubes were incenerated.... I just want to smack the fuck out of them.
I found out this is an uo within the people I know..
I think this blog post about this guys divorce is... Wrong.. And as much as he is aparently trying to protect her I feel like he's going a very backhand way to say ts her fault.
https://carsontclark.com/uncategorized/39683/announcement_moving-forward
Granted.. He stated in a pervious blog post that he deletes comments that don't meet his criteria..
woah. I could only get through a smidge of his "rationale".... Seems like a lot of BS to make himself feel better.... damn women and their inabilities to communicate. Ugh.
edit to add:
June 2006: Thought about getting an annulment on our wedding night.
Y'all don't know pressure to get married until you're a Mormon living in Utah. My husband & I got married 1 year to the month we started dating.
We had one of the longer courtships in town.
Re TTC: I think if you're not a sh*thead about it, then it's fine. Like obviously I know better than to ask the lady behind me at Walmart, but asking my BFF, or my husbands BFF's wife? I don't think that's out of line.
There's a time & place for everything. People just need to use common sense.
My very good friend had her first son early at 28 weeks and he only survived a few days. Her second son also came early and she had a very difficult time in the hospital with him. She has told me that she just doesn't have the strength to do it again. She joined my group of friends after this happened and most people don't know. She hates talking about it. The only reason I know is because she told me while I was expecting Will and going to be in the same NICU. People always ask her when she is going to have another baby, and I know how much it hurts her. It just hurts my heart for her. If I ever got the urge to ask people about conception plans in the past, I would never now.
@babylimas About ?14 years ago I went to a friends house for a bunko party, met and talked with the lady's there. I think I was either pregnant or had just had my 2nd and someone asked about our plan for family size. I answered and then asked another lady/ them how they had decided. One woman I had never met talked about that although she only had one living child she had a son who lived (I think if I remember correctly) for just a few weeks. I said I am so sorry and apologized for bringing it up.
She said not at all, it was a blessing to speak of him because the people that knew of his death never brought it up and that made it all the harder for her. She wanted to keep his memory alive- and loved talking about him.
I think my point is that is very sweet of you to think of your friend and try ?/might not be the right word, to protect her, but perhaps in time she will want to talk about her child. The idea of loosing a child is horrible but so, I think, would be the idea of "forgetting". Now, not wanting to get into an emotional conversation with casual people is definitely understandable. Anyway too long already so I'll shut up
She said not at all, it was a blessing to speak of him because the people that knew of his death never brought it up and that made it all the harder for her. She wanted to keep his memory alive- and loved talking about him.
This is the consensus when I speak to people who have lost children/loved ones (hospice social worker).... they love to say their names out-loud, speak about them, and brag about how beautiful they were.
She talks about him, but she doesn't like to be put on the spot about having more children. She doesn't like talking about what she perceives as her own failings.
I love that I got married young (I was 19, he was 24. I turned 20 2 days later). I'm glad my husband & I can grow & learn together, & that we'll be in the prime of our lives when we have a house full of little kids.
I'm also happy thinking about how we'll still be relatively young when we become empty nesters & have grandbabies to visit & spoil.
I love that I got married young (I was 19, he was 24. I turned 20 2 days later). I'm glad my husband & I can grow & learn together, & that we'll be in the prime of our lives when we have a house full of little kids.
I'm also happy thinking about how we'll still be relatively young when we become empty nesters & have grandbabies to visit & spoil.
I love reminding myself that we'll only be 43 when this lil one is old enough to move out :-)
I love reminding myself that we'll only be 43 when this lil one is old enough to move out :-)
Sounds like you're rubbing it in a little to us old biddies. Right @kelley72 ? Lol.
I'll be 60-ish when LO finishes highschool. And his grandparents will all be dead. (Because if they aren't, we will have some nasty zombie grandparents)
Edit: fix autocorrected word automatically corrected incorrectly.
Re TTC: I think if you're not a sh*thead about it, then it's fine. Like obviously I know better than to ask the lady behind me at Walmart, but asking my BFF, or my husbands BFF's wife? I don't think that's out of line.
There's a time & place for everything. People just need to use common sense.
I agree with this. When people ask me questions about my personal life that I don't feel comfortable discussing I either make a joke or say, "I don't know." and smile then change the subject. It doesn't bother me because I know they weren't asking to purposefully make me feel uncomfortable. I just move the conversation to something else. If they persist, I start asking them personal questions since we're obviously about to become best friends or something.
Running off the parenting UO:
I love that I got married young (I was 19, he was 24. I turned 20 2 days later). I'm glad my husband & I can grow & learn together, & that we'll be in the prime of our lives when we have a house full of little kids.
I'm also happy thinking about how we'll still be relatively young when we become empty nesters & have grandbabies to visit & spoil.
I love reminding myself that we'll only be 43 when this lil one is old enough to move out :-)
You two suck
I guess my UO is that I'm both jealous of and amazed by you younger moms.
I do wonder what it would have been like if I had had J earlier. I'll be 53 when he graduates from high school. On one hand I think I would have more energy, on the other I feel like I have the time and resources to be a good parent now that I (personally) wouldn't have had 10 years ago.
Of course this is all a moot point since I didn't even meet MH until I was 30 and all of my previous boyfriends obviously weren't keepers.
Running off the parenting UO:
I love that I got married young (I was 19, he was 24. I turned 20 2 days later). I'm glad my husband & I can grow & learn together, & that we'll be in the prime of our lives when we have a house full of little kids.
I'm also happy thinking about how we'll still be relatively young when we become empty nesters & have grandbabies to visit & spoil.
I love reminding myself that we'll only be 43 when this lil one is old enough to move out :-)
You two suck
I guess my UO is that I'm both jealous of and amazed by you younger moms.
I do wonder what it would have been like if I had had J earlier. I'll be 53 when he graduates from high school. On one hand I think I would have more energy, on the other I feel like I have the time and resources to be a good parent now that I (personally) wouldn't have had 10 years ago.
Of course this is all a moot point since I didn't even meet MH until I was 30 and all of my previous boyfriends obviously weren't keepers.
I wasn't that young the first go round, but I have to say I love so much my Levi that any notions of being an "old" mom don't amount to much. Am I tired? Hell yes, but no more so than when I was 31 and had 4 under 5...
There are advantages to being a 30 yr old with littles, AND advantages to being my age with a sweet little guy.
I am so incredibly blessed that I would love so very much to do it again. It may not happen and I'll be ok with that, after all grand kids are ?10 yrs away
I found out this is an uo within the people I know..
I think this blog post about this guys divorce is... Wrong.. And as much as he is aparently trying to protect her I feel like he's going a very backhand way to say ts her fault.
https://carsontclark.com/uncategorized/39683/announcement_moving-forward
Granted.. He stated in a pervious blog post that he deletes comments that don't meet his criteria..
woah. I could only get through a smidge of his "rationale".... Seems like a lot of BS to make himself feel better.... damn women and their inabilities to communicate. Ugh.
edit to add:
June 2006: Thought about getting an annulment on our wedding night.
RED FLAG???
I can't even read this. All I can say is this person takes himself way too seriously & is much too long winded.
QUOTE FAIL::::
UO? But the fact anyone has to justify their divorce to strangers and community - or even family for that matter is stupid. Just you and the bitch you picked are the married ones. Not the priest, not the pastor, not your Bible, blah blah blah
Better luck next time buddy. . .
ps. the next one you pick will most likely be bitchy as well. Because if you write dissertation for every argument you have... well... I don't blame the chick.
@NanaCook I like that we will be relatively young when lo(s) are having kids of their own too. My parents are young and I think they like that they will be able to keep up when lo starts running around (at least I know my dad is)
I like comments in polls because I like to know who says what hahaha. I personally am OK with some people asking about us having kids and totally not OK with others asking. Depends who it is. Because the people I am not OK with doing it are the ones who are just obnoxious and nosey. The ones I am OK with doing it are generally in the same position as I am so its more of a back and forth. I say obscure things to people I don't like asking about it like "We'll just have to see," or "You never know," smiling. Then when they're like "No really," I repeat myself without the smile and move on. Mine: I hate holiday episodes of shows.
I like comments in polls because I like to know who says what hahaha. I personally am OK with some people asking about us having kids and totally not OK with others asking. Depends who it is. Because the people I am not OK with doing it are the ones who are just obnoxious and nosey. The ones I am OK with doing it are generally in the same position as I am so its more of a back and forth. I say obscure things to people I don't like asking about it like "We'll just have to see," or "You never know," smiling. Then when they're like "No really," I repeat myself without the smile and move on. Mine: I hate holiday episodes of shows.
The bolded: WTF!!?!?!?!??!?!!??!
Do you watch Modern Family? Their holiday episodes are easily some of their best. Who am I kidding, I just love all their episodes. But just watched their Thanksgiving one and it was great. Absolutely great.
I don't enjoy holiday episodes or references to recent pop culture. It dates the episode and then I'm annoyed when it's a rerun. But, I also hate when people drink from coffee cups or carry boxes - I'm like, you can tell there is nothing in it by the way you're holding it!
I like comments in polls because I like to know who says what hahaha. I personally am OK with some people asking about us having kids and totally not OK with others asking. Depends who it is. Because the people I am not OK with doing it are the ones who are just obnoxious and nosey. The ones I am OK with doing it are generally in the same position as I am so its more of a back and forth. I say obscure things to people I don't like asking about it like "We'll just have to see," or "You never know," smiling. Then when they're like "No really," I repeat myself without the smile and move on. Mine: I hate holiday episodes of shows.
The bolded: WTF!!?!?!?!??!?!!??!
Do you watch Modern Family? Their holiday episodes are easily some of their best. Who am I kidding, I just love all their episodes. But just watched their Thanksgiving one and it was great. Absolutely great.
Haha they're just all so predictable. Big meal, typical family drama, something goes wrong, all is fixed by the end. And when they're reruns, I'm just not into it anymore. Modern Family can be the exception to the rule though because its the best show ever I haven't seen their this years one yet.
I love that I got married young (I was 19, he was 24. I turned 20 2 days later). I'm glad my husband & I can grow & learn together, & that we'll be in the prime of our lives when we have a house full of little kids.
I'm also happy thinking about how we'll still be relatively young when we become empty nesters & have grandbabies to visit & spoil.
I love reminding myself that we'll only be 43 when this lil one is old enough to move out :-)
Lol. I was 43 when these 2 were born. So we will just be of retirement age when they are going to want to go to college! Great!
I love that I was able to live and have all those wonderful experiences before the kids were born.
Do confess did start trying as soon as I could though. Just took a long time!
____________________________
Breast Cancer diagnosis 12/01/2010 - Survivor and Cancer free as of 03/22/2011 BFP#1 04/12/2011 - fetal demise - MC 05/28/2011
BFP#2 10/14/2011 - fetal demise - MC 12/13/2011
BFP#3 05/30/2012 - fetal demise - MC 07/23/2012
IVF#1 02/14/2013 - 2 Beautiful Blasts transferred
BFP#4 02/25/2013 - BFP - MC and ectopic 03/06/2013 IFV#2 07/02/2013 -BFP#5 - 07/07/2013 1st Beta 07/11/2013 - 483 (9dp5dt) - 2nd Beta 07/13/2013 1006 (11dp5dt)
1st U/S 07/31/2013 - TWINS! "The Minions"
IVF#3 BFP#6 09/01/2015 6dp5dt 1st Beta 09/05/2015 - 105 - 2nd Beta 09/08/2015 335 1st U/S 09/22/2015 - .......
yalllow
member
Re: UO 11/20
Not like those yorkies....
Eta. Also, people might not even want children. So maybe they're never planning TTC.
Me: 29 ovulatory disorder
DH: 30 MFI - low everything
IUI #1: 11/5/12 BFN
December IUI cancelled due to cyst
IUI #2: 1/8/13 BFN
IVF in April 2013 transferred one beautiful blast on 4/13
Beta #1 4/22: BFP!! 33 Beta #2 54 Beta #3 70 Beta #4 83 Beta #5 105. Possible ectopic, MTX and M/C 5w4d
FET 6/21 - Beta #1: 79 BFP!! Beta #2: 253 U/S 7/12: saw the sac! U/S #2 7/19 great heartbeat of 127!! U/S #3 heartbeat of 154! U/S #4 graduated to OB
EDD 3/9/14
I guess pretty much everyone here got upset at people asking when they were going to get married? (Or did no one get asked about those plans?)
**Marriage is a private thing too, but I don't see a lot of people complaining about friends and family asking when they are going to tie the knot. **
Some people never plan to marry. Or they plan to elope. Perhaps their interests lie in the same sex and they are trying to keep it secret, or same sex marriage isn't legal where they live...maybe they are already married, but it's a secret.
I wasn't asked "when will you have kids" I was told "when you have my grandchildren"
I didn't like that either. I just always said we were never having children ever.
We had one of the longer courtships in town.
Re TTC: I think if you're not a sh*thead about it, then it's fine. Like obviously I know better than to ask the lady behind me at Walmart, but asking my BFF, or my husbands BFF's wife? I don't think that's out of line.
There's a time & place for everything. People just need to use common sense.
I love that I got married young (I was 19, he was 24. I turned 20 2 days later). I'm glad my husband & I can grow & learn together, & that we'll be in the prime of our lives when we have a house full of little kids.
I'm also happy thinking about how we'll still be relatively young when we become empty nesters & have grandbabies to visit & spoil.
Right @kelley72 ? Lol.
I'll be 60-ish when LO finishes highschool. And his grandparents will all be dead. (Because if they aren't, we will have some nasty zombie grandparents)
Edit: fix autocorrected word automatically corrected incorrectly.
I think my beloved US of A is quickly turning into a nation of wussies
also, unrelated to the above and maybe not a UO? but I saw this quote the other day and it kinda goes along with our OU thursdays:
"The new American entitlement is to go through life without ever being offended".
I personally am OK with some people asking about us having kids and totally not OK with others asking. Depends who it is. Because the people I am not OK with doing it are the ones who are just obnoxious and nosey. The ones I am OK with doing it are generally in the same position as I am so its more of a back and forth. I say obscure things to people I don't like asking about it like "We'll just have to see," or "You never know," smiling. Then when they're like "No really," I repeat myself without the smile and move on.
Mine: I hate holiday episodes of shows.
Do you watch Modern Family? Their holiday episodes are easily some of their best. Who am I kidding, I just love all their episodes. But just watched their Thanksgiving one and it was great. Absolutely great.
I love that I was able to live and have all those wonderful experiences before the kids were born.
Do confess did start trying as soon as I could though. Just took a long time!
____________________________
Breast Cancer diagnosis 12/01/2010 - Survivor and Cancer free as of 03/22/2011
BFP#1 04/12/2011 - fetal demise - MC 05/28/2011
BFP#2 10/14/2011 - fetal demise - MC 12/13/2011
BFP#3 05/30/2012 - fetal demise - MC 07/23/2012
IVF#1 02/14/2013 - 2 Beautiful Blasts transferred
BFP#4 02/25/2013 - BFP - MC and ectopic 03/06/2013
IFV#2 07/02/2013 -BFP#5 - 07/07/2013
1st Beta 07/11/2013 - 483 (9dp5dt) - 2nd Beta 07/13/2013 1006 (11dp5dt)
1st U/S 07/31/2013 - TWINS! "The Minions"
IVF#3 BFP#6 09/01/2015 6dp5dt
1st Beta 09/05/2015 - 105 - 2nd Beta 09/08/2015 335
1st U/S 09/22/2015 - .......