PP / Anxiety Check-in (11/17)

golfingdarwinfish

How have things been this week?

Does anyone know about your PPD/anxiety?  If so, did it make you feel better to share/talk about it?

Any changes in therapy/medications?

If your depression or anxiety was an animal, what animal would it be?  Why?

What is one thing you accomplished in the last week?  If you don't think you accomplished anything, tell us something that you think is neutral.

MrsL2B

Ooopsie, just saw this week's check in. Please pardon the double post.

While I felt that the occasional glass of wine was doing a lot of good for my depression, today my OB prescribed a low dose of Prozac. I tried Prozac almost 20 years ago and hated the side effects (and didn't think it did much good anyway), and it doesn't look to be the top antidepressant of choice for breastfeeding moms (I'm doing combination feeding with formula a couple of times a day). The doc dismissed my concerns about how I didn't previously do well on Prozac. I'm debating not even picking up the prescription. Ugh.

MrsL2B

And to answer this week's other questions:

Support/Talk: My husband mentioned today that he thinks I'm more depressed than I've been letting on, and he's been trying to come up with things I can do to make me feel better about being tethered to this small other person all the time. And he's been kind of pushing me to talk more about how I'm feeling to my friends and quasi-friends who are moms, just to get some female perspective.

Animal: I feel like my depression is some sort of large cat, stalking me when I'm risking taking a drink from the watering hole.

Accomplishment: I packed up the kid and took him to visit the grandparents last week.

Saragoeswest

I still wouldn't say I have PPD/A. I have a mild anxiety disorder. During pregnancy my anxiety was so low. In the past few week, however, one of the physical sensations of my anxiety has manifested several times. It's the feeling of being smothered. It happens at different times, not really when I'm stressed but more when I'm tired. It makes me feel panicky and it's worse if my eyes are closed so if I'm in bed I have to sit up and open my eyes and just wait for it to pass.

I will chalk this up to my body/brain returning to its non-pregnant state. But it's some kind of post-partum reaction so I thought I'd share here in case anyone else was experiencing something similar.

If my anxiety were an animal... It would be something rabid with claws, like an angry raccoon.

TheBenzMom

I'm new to posting on the ppd thread but I've been feeling so awful!

My baby is a week old and I'm hoping this is just the baby Blues.

It started when baby was 3 days old. I had a great big overwhelming feeling take over my body while at the hospital. I started to cry and then it just has gotten worse each day.

My mornings are great... Then 4pm comes and the sun starts to go down and my chest gets tight and my mind starts racing. I feel so overwhelmed and sad. I miss my old life sooo much. I think back to when dh and I could just watch a movie or go to dinner or just sit and cuddle and laugh. I miss my husband so much! I feel like I can't give him any attention. I cry so much and it kills me that I feel this way. I also have a super easy baby so It's hard for other people to understand where I'm coming from. I can hardly eat anything and when I do try it makes me so naseous. I keep saying I'm going to call my doctor but these feelings don't hit till 4pm and he has already left his office. I also feel like hugging my mom... Not sure why but I just want her here with me but she lives out of state.

I'm sorry this is so long but it feels good to get out.

I've set up people to come and help me all week but it doesn't really help since baby needs me 24/7 and he nurses every 30-1 hour!!

I miss my dogs... I just miss everything!!


If I were an animal it would be something viscous that only comes out in the afternoon time.

My
Accomplishment would be putting a little make up on today.

Saragoeswest

Nicb13 said:

I had a couple panic attacks over the weekend because DH is going out of town for the whole week and I was freaking out.

I've had anxiety since the baby has been born but it is worse with hubby leaving. I went and saw someone today who prescribed me Zoloft. I'm hoping that the meds and speaking with a therapist will help.

DH didn't want me on meds and that's been hard. He thinks I should be able to just get over this. Nope. Doesn't work that way

I can't even pinpoint what I'm anxious about but I keep thinking life is so much harder with the baby and I long for my old life. I feel terrible thinking that.

I think your last two sentences do pinpoint what you are anxious about. Sometimes my worst moments of anxiety come when I expect myself to feel better than I really feel. Like I was having a meltdown in Rome last summer and what made the anxiety attack so much worse was I felt so shitty for having a bad day on a dream vacation. My anxiety made me feel like I was being ungrateful and that just compounded the situation. I hate feeling ungrateful. Sounds a little like what you are experiencing.

angeltennis3

How have things been this week? I think they are slowly getting better. I have been getting more sleep and trying not to "do it all" which has helped.

Does anyone know about your PPD/anxiety? If so, did it make you feel better to share/talk about it? I haven't really talked about it with anyone. I think so much of it stemmed from our breastfeeding issues and luckily I have worked with an amazing non judgemental lactation consultant, so I am starting to lose some of my self imposed guilt about moving towards exclusively formula feeding eventually. I keep telling myself I can be there for future friends who have breastfeeding struggles and need the help of formula so that they don't go through the same thing I did, which makes me feel better.

Any changes in therapy/medications? No

If your depression or anxiety was an animal, what animal would it be? Why? A mouse? Because it is kinda sneaky and pops out of nowhere for short spurts and then disappears, so it's hard to figure out what triggers it.

What is one thing you accomplished in the last week? I took DD out twice last week, which was really helpful. I plan to take her out wednesday, too.

Other than to stores, though, where do you take your LO's? If I take her shopping every week I am going to go broke slowly...

MrsSarahRenee

How have things been this week?
I finally got in to see a new therapist after my old therapist went on Mat leave. I really like her! She listens to me and we have identified specific short and long term goals.


Does anyone know about your PPD/anxiety? If so, did it make you feel better to share/talk about it?
I have had anxiety for a long time and it helps me for others to know I get panic attacks that way if I need to leave/get a drink it isn't awkward. I am comfortable with anyone knowing and talking about how I feel.
I also am a teacher and I find being open about my anxiety (in the proper context) allows me to help my students seek proper help who are suffering as well.

So long story even longer yes. I also set up people I could reach out to before I had baby in case I had Ppd and needed support during the day when DH was at work (another friend who is a mom, my mom and a close work friend).

Any changes in therapy/medications?
Nope

If your depression or anxiety was an animal, what animal would it be? Why?
Love this question.
A puppy because they get super hyped/excitable for no good reason. I get panicked and all worked up for no reason also.

What is one thing you accomplished in the last week? If you don't think you accomplished anything, tell us something that you think is neutral.

I successfully got out of the house with baby several times!! And I felt so free when doing so.

MrsSarahRenee

To those of you struggling with husbands. @nicb13 and @Kaylajade8911‌
I told my DH that when he shrugs off my anxiety it makes it worse. He thought my diminishing it, he was helping like "don't worry it isn't a big deal you are fine." When really he was invalidating my feelings and making it worse. I have him specific things to say when I am worked up and that has really helped.
Like "remember last time you were anxious and _____ helped? Let's try that again." Or "you will get through this panic attack. It is just a feeling and it will go away soon." Or "I am sorry you are so scared. this is scary and overwhelming. It is normal to feel that way."
Normalizing and validating my feelings help me calm down.

MrsSarahRenee

Cantisa said:

MrsSarahRenee said:

To those of you struggling with husbands. @nicb13 and @Kaylajade8911‌
I told my DH that when he shrugs off my anxiety it makes it worse. He thought my diminishing it, he was helping like "don't worry it isn't a big deal you are fine." When really he was invalidating my feelings and making it worse. I have him specific things to say when I am worked up and that has really helped.
Like "remember last time you were anxious and _____ helped? Let's try that again." Or "you will get through this panic attack. It is just a feeling and it will go away soon." Or "I am sorry you are so scared. this is scary and overwhelming. It is normal to feel that way."
Normalizing and validating my feelings help me calm down.

I really like this! Anxiety is so hard to explain to DH!

My therapist gave me this book to buy because I find this stuff fascinating and there are some pieces that are really helpful. But I also found that reading paragraphs from it to DH helped him understand my crisis better.

Saragoeswest

Nicb13 said:

Saragoeswest said:

Nicb13 said:

I had a couple panic attacks over the weekend because DH is going out of town for the whole week and I was freaking out.

I've had anxiety since the baby has been born but it is worse with hubby leaving. I went and saw someone today who prescribed me Zoloft. I'm hoping that the meds and speaking with a therapist will help.

DH didn't want me on meds and that's been hard. He thinks I should be able to just get over this. Nope. Doesn't work that way

I can't even pinpoint what I'm anxious about but I keep thinking life is so much harder with the baby and I long for my old life. I feel terrible thinking that.

I think your last two sentences do pinpoint what you are anxious about. Sometimes my worst moments of anxiety come when I expect myself to feel better than I really feel. Like I was having a meltdown in Rome last summer and what made the anxiety attack so much worse was I felt so shitty for having a bad day on a dream vacation. My anxiety made me feel like I was being ungrateful and that just compounded the situation. I hate feeling ungrateful. Sounds a little like what you are experiencing.

You nailed it. Guilt. I feel guilty for having these thoughts when I should feel great.

Totally. I've never really put the word guilt on it, but that's exactly right. Need to think about that.

CynthiaVRey

How have things been this week?

Well the last few days have been better I'm really trying to push through but the mornings are the worst, I'm so tired and with te weather change I feel gloomy. My DH says I'm always in a bad mood his complaint is also that we haven't done the deed but I'm so tired and feel awful about myself.
If I were an animal it would probably be sometbing bipolar because that's how I feel , one minute I'm ok and I think ok I can do this the next minute I'm crying and wishing my old life back.

One thing I accomplished was getting my vitamins and starting back on a multivitamin and vitamin D, I've read lack of vitamin D can cause depression I also took a walk today felt pretty good. I love this thread makes me feel very supported thanks ladies

CynthiaVRey

Evenings are hard I completely understand when you say the sun goes down and u feel awful , hang in there I understand how u feel I miss my own time when I just sat around and did nothing or just even ate a meal.

ishknits

Just wanted to lend my support to you amazing moms. Having a newborn is stressful enough, but to keep going every day even when you feel detached and alone shows a REAL STRENGTH and commitment.

I was going to reply to one poster directly but then I noticed several posts about husbands having difficulty in dealing. I would like to say that I'm sorry that you don't seem to be getting the support and understanding that you need. It's possible that the new dads are having a hard time coping themselves, but it is really important to feeling supported and encouraged during this time.

If you think medicine will help then please try it. I've had depression since I was 15 and the only thing that ever helped was medicine (not yoga, meditation, herbs, exercise, talk therapy). Now I'm a therapist and see how important it can be to others' recovery. Zoloft is very good for depression and anxiety. I actually am not suffering from PPD (I have no idea how to be honest) but I'm still having a hard time so I can only imagine having depression on top of it.

I would definitely recommend trying to spend time with others. I know it seems like the last thing you'd want to do and the guilt of not having a shiny smile on your face is overwhelming but I garauntee you know more people in your life than you think who have suffered from depression or anxiety and will be understanding or at least be nonjudgmental when you're around them. I think that is one of the only tricks while waiting for my meds to kick in that has helped.. Try and get out of the house, try and take a walk, go to the store... Then make yourself visit someone.. It might help, especially if DH is having a hard time understanding.

I wish you the best and remember that this is NOT permanent...
Also remember that there is something going on with your brain right now and it has nothing to do with you as a person. Try not to be so hard on yourself.. Don't expect yourself to be happy or feel great.. You can't right now and that's ok.

megsandjohn

This week was hard. Now that she's 6 weeks she's sleeping less. We had a good routine where after I bring the older two to school I could come home and nap with her but now she's changing that up so it sucked. She also was more fussy and I got really frustrated at times.
I had a really scary intrusive thought. The worst one I have ever had that just seemed to come out of nowhere and was really morbid and absolutely horrible. It threw off my whole day. Even though I knew it's just a thought, not my fault, not something I want to do, I couldn't help feeling like a horrible person.

My parents know and a few of my friends. I've also been going to a support group which I find incredibly helpful. I look forward to it every week. Even though I usually break down and cry talking about how my week was, I always leave feeling better. And I have been able to access a lot of resources through the group.

My psychiatrist raised my medication from 75 to 100mg of Zoloft this week.

If my depression was an animal? lol Hmmm... Maybe a big lazy black bear that just wants to hibernate for the winter.

1 thing I accomplished this week... I came up with a plan (with the support of my parents) for where we will move when my husband and I separate and he agreed to it. It was sad but also a relief.

megsandjohn

To those struggling with a partner who just doesn't get it and says unhelpful/hurtful things, Just wanted to share this link from my favorite website about PPMD.

Http://www.postpartumprogress.com/six-things-say-loved-one-ppd

Please check out this website and browse around! There are message boards and it has the most accurate and up to date info and has been so helpful to me

slsl509

DD is sick which unleashes a ton of anxiety in me. She has a cold/respiratory bug but spiked a 104 temp last night. Thus she is not at daycare which means I'm home with both kids. Thank goodness, DS has been sleeping like crazy today because DD didn't sleep last night worth a crap and isn't doing too well today. She almost seemed to have a night terror last night and was inconsolable. She's napping now but coughing so badly I don't know how she is getting any rest. I can't imagine how bad I would be if my kid had a real illness, not just the usual stuff. The constant illness part of daycare sucks.